It's Okay, You Don't Have to Love Me
by lforlinstead
Summary: When she walked into the district that morning, she didn't know how to process Hank Voight's request. [I suck at summaries. LINSTEAD]
1. Chapter 1

The alarm, as expected, went off at 6am exactly. Erin Lindsay turned over in bed to shut it off. She yawned, feeling like she'd had approximately 2 hours sleep.

Her bed was warm, making it almost impossible to get up. Letting out a sigh, she stretched and swung her legs out of the covers. It was already cold outside, she could feel it.

She made her way into the bathroom that was connected to her bedroom, turning on the shower. The heat from the shower head woke her straight away as she let the water clean her slender body. If she could, she would stay in the shower all day, it was warm. But she couldn't do that, and she also didn't want to rack up a huge water bill. Quicker than she wanted to, she stepped back out of the shower and went over to the basin. She brushed her teeth and she combed her hair.

Her morning routine out of the way, she made her way to the kitchen of her apartment. She realized she didn't have time to eat, grabbing a banana and her car keys. Her work boots were by the door with her jacket. She dressed herself in both and locked her apartment, making her way to the car.

Like every day, it took her 15 minutes to get to the district- to work. She put her car in park and made her way into the building, her hands in her pockets because the Chicago air wasn't being kind this morning. As soon as she was inside, she got the usual greeting from the desk sergeant.

"Morning Detective Lindsay, you look tired." Trudy Platt was always full of compliments. It would have probably bothered somebody else, but Erin was used to her attitude by now. Plus she couldn't really say anything, she probably did look extremely tired. Like she did most days.

Erin smiled and nodded at the woman behind the desk. "Morning Trudy," She waved a quick hand in her direction before heading towards the stairs. Erin wasn't one for small talk. The quicker she made it to the upper level, the quicker her working day would begin.

When she reached the coffee room, she found Voight already there. Her boss looked deep in thought, almost as though he had the events of the day already planned out. Which was weird, because they'd just got off the back of a big case. Erin had secretly hoped they would have a few low key cases before anything like that again.

He looked up and greeted her when she came into the room.

"Erin," he smirked. "Morning." He notioned towards the teapot, already brewing so she could prepare herself a hot drink. She grinned, he knew how much she would kill for a coffee, and walked over to the counter.

When her drink was ready, she sat down next to him. She took off her jacket and lay it over the back of the chair. Her palms cupped her drink as she tried to warm up her skin. She took down the liquid in small sips, careful not to burn herself.

She hadn't even realized she was the first member of the team in this morning. She only noticed when Hank pointed it out:

"You're early, the rest of the team is yet to come," He was drinking a hot drink too, his cup already half empty.

Erin nodded. "I guess I'm just prompt this morning," she laughed. It certainly was unusual for her to be the first one here, usually she wasn't the best with her timekeeping.

"I'm kinda glad," Hank continued. "I have a proposition for you." He said it with a smirk on his face, and Erin lowered the cup from her mouth.

He greeted her the same way each working morning, but she hadn't expected him to have a _proposition_ for her. It hadn't been too long since she had started working with the Intelligence Unit, she was still the newest member of the team. She hoped it wasn't going to be used to her disadvantage. Sure, she wanted to fit right in with the team, they had a long future ahead together. But at the same time, she didn't want to be seen as the weak link, the one they would all make fun of. And she was still to work out what Hank Voight's plans were for her. He had been the one to give her the job, after all. He was the one who saved her from her dark past. But he seemed to have a different attitude with her in and out of work.

Hank saw her change of expression, her thought process clearly evident on her face. He let out a laugh which made her relax a bit.

"Relax, I'm not going to make you go undercover or anything," he smiled at her. "Kid, you ever heard of Cops and Corporals?" She shook her head so he continued. "They're this organization that pairs up a cop with someone in the military. So, they could be injured or effected by experiences of war or something," he paused to sip his coffee. "The leader of this organization reached out. They're thinking of setting one up here in Chicago for returning soldiers. You think you'd be down?"

She stared at him blankly for a second. "Me? You want me to talk to soldiers? What am I supposed to say? How am I supposed to react? What if-"

He interrupted her rambling. "Woah, easy. It was just a suggestion. And I wouldn't make you rush into _anything._ You would just have to talk to them, that's all. You know, be supportive or something. Most of them will be fresh from active duty so I guess they just want somebody to talk to."

Erin seemed to contemplate his suggestion, looking at him as she thought. "I mean I guess I could do it." She let out a nervous laugh. "I just don't know if I'll be much good."

"Erin, all you have to do is _talk._ " He laughed. "And I think you're pretty good at that."

She glared at him but knew he was telling the truth. She was guilty of being able to talk for a long time and she couldn't deny it.

But talking with a military soldier? She had _no_ idea where to begin. She'd never even spoken to a soldier before! And one that had just returned from his service? She didn't have a clue what sort of things to talk about with him, she didn't know if she was supposed to omit certain stuff in case it was a trigger for some sort of memory? And did she talk about their family, what if she dug herself into a hole and they didn't have a family? What if she talked about their friends, and one of them (unbeknown to her) had been lost on live duty?

She shook herself, knowing she was thinking too much into it. Of course she was going to be able to strike up a conversation with a stranger, she seemed to do it on a daily basis.

"Earth to Lindsay are you in there?" She came out of her thoughts to see Hank waving in front of her face. "So can I call back the Lieutenant and let him know? Let him know you're prepared to do this?"

The way Hank was describing it made Erin think this was going to be more serious than she had imagined. She thought she was just going to have to talk to this person, but maybe that wasn't the case.

She fidgeted for a second, her fingers intertwining together on the table top. "Yes, do it. Call him back." She stood up from the table and put her cup in the pile to be washed, walking out of the room before she had time to change her mind.

Erin got to her desk and collapsed into the chair. Whatever it was she had expected her boss to say, it certainly hadn't been that. She hadn't even heard of an organization like what he was talking about before. She turned on her computer and looked at the blank screen as it was starting up. _This could be good for me_ she thought _there wasn't anybody there for me when I needed them. Maybe I can be there for someone when they need me._

Her morning was quiet. The rest of the team filtered in, and she only noticed when Antonio Dawson took his seat across the room from hers. She would have stayed glued to her computer screen if he hadn't called her name.

"Lindsay, you want coffee?"

Her eyes shot up from her computer and looked at him. "I'm good thanks," She said, shocked herself at her response, usually she would never turn down a coffee. But she'd had a caffeine fix already this morning, in the break room with Hank.

Antonio took her word for it and went into the coffee room. She slowly scanned the room before she focused back to what she had been doing. Alvin Olinksy was checking through some case files, and it made Erin smile. Even though a case was over, he still seemed strung up on figuring out every last detail. He was deep in thought looking through case evidence and Erin knew he would be there for the rest of the day. Kevin Atwater and Adam Ruzek were joking about something and Erin rolled her eyes. They were always like this but she supposed today they were allowed. They didn't really have anything in particular to focus on, instead just tying up loose ends on unresolved cases. And Hank Voight was in his office but Erin couldn't see through the shutter blinds. He was obviously busy doing something.

And that was them, the Intelligence Unit she had recently joined. She smiled a little, they were dysfunctional but they were slowly becoming like her family. Hank had taken the time to introduce them all to her so she felt like part of the team.

Her eyes went back to her computer screen, looking again at the website she had been on for the past few hours. _PTSD and how to deal with it._ She didn't even know why she had come onto the website in the first place, perhaps she unconsciously thought the guy she was about to be paired with was going to be affected by it in some way. She shook her head at what she was doing, she was making assumptions. But she would rather be prepared, and then at least she would know what kind of subjects to avoid talking about.

She must have been so engrossed in discovering more on the disorder that she jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. The chuckling that came from behind her made her realize it was Hank.

"Hey kiddo, can I speak to you in the office?"

She shut off her computer monitor, but knew Hank had probably seen what she was researching anyway. She followed him into his office and sat down as he shut the door behind them. It took him a minute to say anything after he sat down at the opposite side of the desk. He leaned back in his chair.

"So I rang back my friend Corporal Anderson."

Erin raised her eyebrows as she waited for him to continue. "And?"

He leaned forward slightly and put his hands on the desk. "How would you feel about starting sooner than I thought? He said he had a few guys desperate for this sort of thing,"

Her eyes shot wide. "How soon do you mean?"

"Um, tomorrow?"

Erin swallowed, her body language apparently telling her she was more nervous than she originally thought. And she had no idea why, perhaps it was the idea that this guy was a _soldier._ He'd fought for his country and now he wanted to talk to somebody like _her._

Hank reached across the table to take her hand in his own. "Hey, you can do this. You're a cop Erin, you're capable of _anything_. These guys just need somebody to talk to, to begin with. You only have to see them once or twice a week. For like an hour or so."

Now he was making it seem less daunting, he made it seem as though she was going for just a friendly chat. To be a face to talk to.

She breathed in. "Okay, tomorrow." She kept repeating the concept in her head even after she'd said it aloud. _Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow._

Hank pulled his hand away slowly and smiled at her. "Nice one Erin, they should be honored to have you," he continued. "I said you'd be over there at lunch time tomorrow-"

"Hank, that's when I'm supposed to be here." She moved to stand up and make her way back to her desk. "I said I would do this but I don't want it to interfere with my job,"

"The first meeting is a one off. I said you would go over and introduce yourself, start and get to know this guy you're going to be paired with. Then you can do whatever the next time, outside of work."

Erin nodded in agreement. "I gotcha. Do you have the address? And when I get to this place, who do I ask for? Do I at least get to know his name before I meet him?"

"Oh hang on," Hank reached in to a drawer of his desk and pulled out a notebook. He turned to the back of it and ripped a page free that had scribbles on it. "I wrote down the address, it's an army refuge so I guess some of them are staying there. That's where you'll meet um, hang on I have his name here somewhere," He went back into the notebook. "Jay. You're being partnered with a guy called Jay Halstead."

 **Please Review!**


	2. Chapter 2

She was awake before her alarm this time. Erin had set it for 6am again, with the hope of getting to the district and having a few hours there working, before she went to meet this soldier. She lay on her back, knowing she was wasting valuable getting ready time and stared at the ceiling.

In a matter of hours, she'd be meeting this man. This _Jay Halstead._ Hank hadn't told her a lot about him, he didn't know a lot himself. Only that he was returning from the 75th Ranger Regiment. Not that that meant a lot to Erin, she hadn't a clue about military regulations. For all she knew, he could have been highly ranked, in charge of his own segment.

She didn't even yet know the reason why he'd left the army either. And she wasn't really sure if that was a thing to ask him. It was the sort of thing that had been whirling around in her mind all night, what she was _supposed_ to ask against what she _really_ wanted to know about this guy.

When the alarm eventually did go off, it broke her free from her thoughts. She scurried quickly into the bathroom, regretting going to bed in shorts when it had been warmer the night before. Now, it was freezing again and she stood under the shower for a while to heat her body temperature. She washed her hair thoroughly then retrieved her bath robe and stood by the basin.

For a few moments, she studied her reflection in the mirror. Erin groaned, she looked tired; the slight purple bags under eyes clearly visible. Her role on the Intelligence team was certainly taking its toll on her body, and it made her pissed that it showed most on her face. She chewed on her lip and reached into the cabinet above her head.

She kept everything in there, from her feminine products to her hair products, and she'd usually just make use of the contents in there if she was heading for a night out. She kept a small make-up bag on the bottom shelf. Erin pulled it down and balanced it on the bathroom counter, unzipping the fastening so she could study the contents. The first thing she found was her concealer stick, the very thing that could be used to hide the dark coloring on her face. She dabbed the stick on her finger and gently slid it along the top of her cheekbones. When she was finished, her hand unconsciously reached for the small eye shadow palette she kept in there. Maybe she could just apply a little bit, to make herself look more alive.

Erin scoffed at herself. She was behaving _ridiculously._ She never wore makeup, unless she was heading out with the girls. Or on a date, but not like she had had one of those lately. So why was she putting so much on her face right now? It could only be the reason she'd been thinking about all night, that she was about to meet Jay.

She actually laughed out loud to herself, what was she _doing?_ He was a stranger for God's sakes, she didn't have to dress up and impress him. He wasn't going to care what she looked like, was he? She moved to put the make-up back where it came from, and closed the cabinet. Before she left the bathroom, she took one last look at her reflection. The concealer had definitely worked; she no longer looked half dead. And she'd even managed to make her eyes stand out a little, the eye make-up she'd applied brought out the color in them.

When she traced her steps back to her bedroom, she moved to her closet. It was cold today, colder than she had felt yesterday morning. She needed to accommodate for that, picking out a pair of black jeans and a plaid shirt. She shoved on some thick socks and then got to work drying her hair. It never took long, the thin strands of dirt blond drying with ease. She quickly ran the straightener over them, opting to leave it down rather than her usual decision to wrap it in a bun. When she was done, she made her way into the kitchen.

As she looked into her fridge, she realized she wasn't hungry. Which was totally unlike her, Erin was _always_ hungry. And yet, as she looked, nothing appealed to her. But she couldn't start her day on an empty stomach. She reached for a yogurt and shut the fridge door. Even though she wasn't hungry, there was always room for coffee. She switched on the machine and grabbed her flask from one of the cupboards. If she put it in the flask, it would last longer and she could take it on her journey to work.

She poured the caffeine into her flask, grabbed her coat and put on her boots. When she was almost ready to leave, Erin went back into her bathroom and pushed a lipstick into her pocket. _If I look like ass by lunchtime, this might help_ she thought.

Erin got to work in little time, again parking the car and making her way into the building. As soon as she stepped inside, she knew Platt would say something if she saw her. She tried to sneak past quickly, but of course there was no hiding from the desk sergeant.

"Well well Lindsay, somebody made an effort this morning!" Trudy almost shouted, as she saw Erin hurrying to make it upstairs. She stopped what she was doing and leaned over the desk. "You know, you should wear make-up more often. It looks nice."

Erin thanked her for the strange compliment, and headed towards the upstairs level.

She wasn't the first one there this morning, the unit was almost complete already. She was the last one there today, the men already deep in conversation when she appeared. She broke their discussion by putting her flask on the desk with a thud. When they turned to look at her, she almost wished she hadn't turned their attention onto her.

"Who are you and what have you done with Erin Lindsay? I don't think we've met before, Miss," Ruzek was always the one with the jokes. "Seriously Linds, what the hell? You never put this _stuff_ on your face."

Erin laughed, apparently her efforts for subtle make-up hadn't been convincing. "What, can't a girl put a little make-up on sometimes? What's the big deal?"

"No big deal, Erin. Ignore him," Antonio walked past Ruzek, hitting him on the back of the head. He reached where Erin was standing and leaned towards her slightly before he walked past. "You do look good though."

Erin smiled, surprised that the guys had even noticed. She took off her coat and headed for her own desk, waving her hello at Hank, Kevin and Alvin. She was determined to at least get a start on some work before she left.

But even before she turned on her monitor, she found herself distracted. She couldn't help but think of the events to come this afternoon. And she hated herself for it, knowing she couldn't get distracted from her job. Perhaps it was her mind's way of telling her that she was way more nervous than she was letting herself believe. She tapped slowly on her desk, as she ran through all sorts of scenarios in her mind.

She didn't realize how loud her tapping had gotten until she heard her name being called.

"Linds, can you quit it? That's annoyin'," Ruzek called from his own desk, giving her a slight frown. Whatever his facial expression, he always had a playful tone. So although he was scolding her, she never felt pissed at him.

Her eyes went wide. "Oops, sorry," She lowered her hands into her lap, stopping her visible fidgeting.

Before she looked into any of the cases, she became conscious of the time. It was getting close to 12 and she knew she had to be leaving. She told herself she had to leave early, she didn't have the slightest idea how to get to the refuge. Erin raised herself from her desk and knocked on Hank Voight's door.

When he cleared his throat, she opened the door and stepped inside. "Um, those directions?"

Hank reached into his desk drawer and pulled out the notes he's scribbled. "Here," he stood from his own chair and put the pages in her hand. "So Anderson told me, if it gets too much for you, you just have to shout him," Hank placed a hand tenderly on her shoulder. "But you can _do_ this, Erin. Call me tonight and tell me how it goes."

 **00000000000000000**

Erin found the army location much easier than she thought she would. Hank's directions had been thorough and she'd followed them exactly. It wasn't anything like what Erin had thought it was going to look like: when Hank said _refuge_ she imagined minimal building work, something that looked almost like a prison.

When she arrived, she was sure she'd come to the wrong place. This place looked like a haven. It was only when she saw the sign telling her that she realized she'd come to the right destination. She drove in slowly, finding a place to park with ease.

That was 15 minutes ago. Now, she was sitting staring out of the window trying to force herself out of the car. Her hand was slowly tapping at the wheel, tracing small circles as she stared outside. She checked the time on her cell, she still had 10 minutes before she was supposed to be inside. Erin pulled down the sunscreen from above her head, looking into the small mirror. She'd managed to get through her morning and still thought she looked _okay._ She remembered the lipstick, reaching into her pocket and applying it to her lips. At least they added color to her face, and somehow gave her little more will to get out of the car. She picked up her cell and exited her vehicle, locking it behind her.

The building in front of her was huge. It looked like a hotel, the wall she could see was decorated with bay windows and looked elegant. She'd somehow imagined it to be unwelcoming, but it put her at ease that this building looked normal. She put her hands into her pockets and walked up to the door ahead. When she pulled it open, she was met straight away with men in uniform. They looked super official, but she recognized Anderson from the way Hank had described him.

Erin took a deep breath and walked towards him. He was in conversation with somebody, but seemed to recognize her when she neared him.

"Lieutenant Anderson?" She stuck out her hand, unsure of how you were supposed to greet someone with that high a rank. "Erin Lindsay," She didn't feel right adding the 'Detective' in there, not in the presence of someone highly regarded. "I think you spoke to Hank-"

"Ahh yes, hello Miss Lindsay. Please call me James. Hank said he was sending you. It's real nice to meet you." Erin was surprised by how friendly he seemed, she'd expected to feel slightly intimidated. "I'll show you around and then we can go and meet Jay."

Erin followed James around the building as he showed her the facilities. She liked him, but by God was he thorough. By the end of it, she felt more than ready to meet Jay Halstead. Even more so if it got her away from Mr Anderson.

She zoned out half way through his tour, tired of listening to his droning voice. She felt kinda bad for doing so, but the more she thought about it, she just wanted to meet this soldier. And it was almost as though James was keeping her from him: half of the things he was showing her felt irrelevant to her. Eventually James stopped outside some sliding doors.

"So this is the common area where most of the soldiers hang. Jay should be in there," James reached for the handle.

A million questions suddenly came into her head, now that she was about to face the soldier. "Is there anything I should avoid talking about with him? Anything that he won't want me to say?"

James turned and smiled at her. "Just the obvious I guess, Erin. Don't go in there and expect him to open up to you straight away. Just," he slid the door open. "Start off easy."

Easy? That was simpler said than done, she thought.

Erin followed James into the room, feeling slightly uneasy as the room fell silent with their entrance. She glanced around at the ex-soldiers all sitting, in conversation and felt like she was on show. She couldn't help but notice the injuries of some soldiers, some of them physically effected and others in obvious pain. A wave of panic brushed over her, she couldn't do this. She couldn't be some sort of therapist, having to deal with the stories these men were going to tell her. She couldn't believe Voight had talked her into this, she couldn't remember why she'd agreed.

She prepared herself for James to stand in front of one of these men, telling her it was Jay. But as she looked at their faces, she didn't realize why she had been so nervous. The majority of these men were old enough to probably be her dad, they just wanted somebody to talk to.

But James continued to walk past these individuals, instead making his way to the back of the room. Four younger soldiers were sitting, each armed with playing cards. They looked deep in thought until James interrupted them. James walked over to one of the chairs, the one that currently had his back to Erin, and placed a hand on the man's shoulder.

"Jay, there's somebody I'd like you to meet. This is Erin,"

Erin watched as Jay rose to his feet, his back still to her.

"Sorry, Detective Erin Lindsay." James finished his sentence.

The soldier slowly turned to face Erin, and she couldn't stop herself as she felt her jaw drop to the floor. He couldn't have been a soldier, he was like a work of art. His face was littered with battle scars, a gash across his right cheek and above his left eye. The bloody features did nothing to disguise the mesmorizing color of his eyes, though. The deep sea green shone through as he looked at her and she could feel herself getting lost in them already, even with the smallest glance. His beard was rough, the dark hairs covering the lower half of his face. The beard looked thick, but she could still make out his jawline beneath it: it looked chizelled enough to cut something. He seemed to be checking out her body before his eyes stopped at her face. Then, he grinned at her flashing the most perfect white teeth she'd ever laid eyes on. Words were lost on her, so he spoke up.

"Hello, _Detective._ "

She felt weak, only managing a smile and a wave. She felt stupid, but extended an arm out for him to shake.

Jay looked down at her small hand and held out his own.

"Jay," she shivered as his skin came into contact with hers. He was grinning at her, and she could swear she saw a sparkle in his eyes. "Jay Halstead. It's _really_ nice to meet you. Shall we go for a walk?"

 **Please Review :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**If my stories aren't your thing, please don't waste your time reading or posting negative reviews. I get that my stories have flaws, but it happens and I often try and put a lot of work into them. Also, they're fiction and don't have ANY affiliation with RL events. I write these stories for people to enjoy them, and I can always stop if they're not appealing in any way.**

 **Anyway, thank you for the positive reviews! Here is Chapter 3! I tried to make it a little longer, because I'm swamped after Christmas so might not get to update for a little while :(**

 **But I hope you guys have a lovely Christmas if you celebrate it!**

Jay went to leave the room and Erin followed close behind. She couldn't help but notice his physique as she walked a couple of paces after. He was certainly in good shape: his upper body muscles were practically protruding through his shirt and it wasn't hard for her to see he obviously worked out. Her eyes narrowed as they travelled further down his body, quickly checking him out before he noticed. She was impressed.

She couldn't blame herself, she couldn't remember the last time she'd found a guy _this_ attractive. There was nothing wrong with looking was there? Plus, she knew nothing could ever happen there, so looking was the best she was going to get. She was there to be a support for him, not for anything else.

Erin slowly came out of her daze, skipping a few paces to catch up with him. She was surprised he hadn't turned to see what she was doing. He seemed to be humming a tune to himself, stopping temporarily when she reached his level. He began to slow down his stride and turned to smile at her, flashing again those pearl white teeth.

"I figured there's nowhere really private in this place. Except the room where I'm staying," his eyes scanned her face as she felt color rise up into her cheeks. "I hope that's okay?"

"That's…" She felt her breath hitch in her throat and she coughed a little. "That's okay with me."

He didn't say anything on the way to his quarters, but Erin caught him stealing the occasional glance. Only because she was doing the same, looking when she could at the side of his face. She couldn't help but smile to herself when she turned to face forward again, knowing he was doing the same.

Jay led her up a set of stairs then came to a pause outside a wooden door. He reached for the handle.

"I've known you for two seconds, and I've already got you in my bedroom." He winked at her as he opened the door, revealing his bedroom. There was something playful about his tone, something that almost left her wanting more from him.

But as she entered into the bedroom, she saw they weren't alone. The room had two beds, and there was somebody lying in one of them. As soon as he noticed, Jay let out a groan.

"Beat it, Mark. Get outta here," Jay pointed towards the door and stared at his roommate.

Erin was somewhat shocked at his tone, but his roommate just laughed. The man slowly got off his bed and made his way for the door, but stopped in front of Erin first.

"I can't have seen you around here before, I'm sure I would remember a pretty face like yours."

Erin felt herself blush as she watched Jay light-heartedly punch his roommate's arm.

"Okay okay I'm _leaving._ " Mark walked past the two of them, raising his eyebrows and scoffing to himself. As soon as he was out of the room, Jay moved to close the door.

"I..uh…sorry about him. He's an ass," he laughed as he motioned for her to follow him further into the room.

Erin noticed it was more like an apartment, more than just somewhere to sleep. It was just one room, but whilst the beds took up the majority of space, there was also a couch and TV at the other end. She thought perhaps the men had tried to make it as close to a real home as possible for returning soldiers. It was minimal, but it was nice.

Jay threw himself onto the couch, waiting for Erin to copy him. She sat at the opposite end, lowering herself onto the edge and folded her arms across her chest. In the preoccupation of dreamily looking at his face, she realized she hadn't figured out how to start their conversation. Before the silence lasted, Jay spoke first.

"So tell me about yourself, _Miss Lindsay._ " Her name rolled off his tongue and she felt a shiver rise up her spine.

"Erin, please." She turned towards him, allowing herself to relax more and sinking further into the couch. Her arms fell to her knees, not wanting to give him the vibe that she didn't want to talk. "What do you want to know?" She laughed. "I'm really not that interesting."

He laughed at her. "Oh I'm sure that's not true. You're a Detective. You must have seen some stuff."

"Says the _soldier_." In her mind, it has sounded better. She hoped he wasn't offended, of course he will have seen things. What his eyes had been witness to was probably worse than what she had seen herself. She opened her mouth again, in protest to try and clarify what she had meant. "I mean-"

Jay was chewing on his lip, and he raised a hand to stop her talking. "You're right," he laughed, knowing what she had meant. "I guess we've both seen some stuff." He fell silent for a minute, before drastically changing the subject. "So what do you like to do in your free time, Erin?" He made her first name sound even better than her last, he prolonged the 'n' sound so her name was on his lips a while.

Now he was asking about herself, she didn't have a clue how to respond. She had _tried_ to tell him that she wasn't that interesting. And she wasn't, but he didn't need to know that. She could always fabricate her hobbies and interests and make them sound cool. But, she felt the need to be open, honest with him and tell him the truth. If she was going to make it a point of getting him to open up to her, she had to stick by her word and do the same herself.

She thought for a second before listing things off on her fingers. "Okay, I guess I like… going to the movies, cooking, reading, going to the gym…" She was running out of things to say, already being slightly embarrassed that she was this open with him already. Erin felt him looking at her face, so she looked up herself and their eyes locked.

If it was possible, he was smiling at her with his eyes. His mouth was grinning too, but his eyes were doing something different. Erin had paid more attention to the other features on his face before, but now it was like they were staring straight into her soul. There was something about them, something that meant she couldn't look away.

He eventually blinked after an eternity, breaking their contact and he laughed behind his hand. "And you said you weren't interesting." He raised his eyebrows. "You cook?"

"I cook," it wasn't a lie, but she mainly did it for herself. Nobody else knew she was a good cook, it was something she hadn't told many people. The fact that she was even telling him surprised her.

"Maybe you could cook for me some time," his mischievous tone was back, and he was looking at her out of the corner of his eye. There was maybe something else he was suggesting, but Erin didn't allow herself to think about that. Instead, she answered his request.

"Maybe I could," She fought to reply with his same tone, trying not to sound cheesy. "What do you like to eat?" Erin found herself wanting to know more about him, and the easiest way to do so was to return his questions with questions of her own.

"Oh I'm sure _anything_ you cook will be better than the shit I'm used to. Army gruel, let's just say it's not my favorite thing." Jay grimaced, picturing the food he'd had to live on while he was serving.

His facial expression made her laugh, his feelings were clearly evident as he scrunched up his brow and pouted his mouth. Once he saw she found it amusing, he started to laugh again too.

"So what's your specialty? Chicken? Tacos?"

"Actually I make a mean mac and cheese," she said. "It doesn't sound like much, but it tastes great." It was making her hungry just thinking about it, and she vowed to make some when she got home. She would have to get all the practise in, if she was going to end up cooking for him.

"Oh, that's my _favorite_. Enough with the food talk, it's making my stomach go crazy."

"You're right, mine too," she said, as she felt her own stomach rumble. She fought to silence it, not wanting Jay to hear how hungry she actually was. She needed to eat but she didn't want to leave just yet.

"I have to go to the bathroom, will you be okay here for a second?" Jay stood quickly from the couch, looking down at her as he asked the question.

"Sure," as if her words weren't sufficient, she nodded her head too. She watched as he walked away from her, out of the room and listened to his footsteps as they headed down the corridor. _Shared bathrooms_ she thought _nice._

Erin wasn't a nosy person, she was more _curious._ When it came to new experiences, her curiosity often got the better of her. And she was alone in new surroundings, she couldn't just sit still and not have a look around.

She pushed herself up from the couch and stood for a few moments, staring around the room. There was minimal furniture in there, but the guys had obviously tried to make it feel homely. She figured the bed that the roommate had been lying on was Mark's, so she walked over to the other one assuming it was Jay's. By the looks of it, she was right. Jay's side was cleaner than his roommates, and she looked at the items he had by his bed. There weren't many, but the ones he did have seemed to be treasured possessions. She spotted his army medals right away, clocking the way their shine was captured by the light. There were so many of them, Erin assumed he was a _highly_ ranked officer. She would make it a point to ask him somehow, even if it was just to make conversation. She wanted to know more about him.

Besides the medals, Jay had a collection of photographs. There was Jay in action, Jay with friends, Jay with family. And he looked happy in all of them, she noticed. Perhaps he had been destined to be a soldier. Separate from those, there was an image of Jay with what Erin assumed were his family. She started at the left of the photograph, scanning the faces of the people surrounding him. There was an older woman, who she imagined to be his mom. They had the same smile, and Erin saw that it wasn't impossible to work out where he'd gotten his looks from. By the appearance of the people in the picture, they had good genes. Beside his mom, there was a younger girl who looked a duplicate copy of the older woman. His sister? She was pretty, her long blond hair falling in front of her shoulders. Then, a tall guy. His brother? He had his arms draped around the girl and Jay, who was at the other side of him. Erin narrowed her eyes, they all had the same facial features: there was no denying these guys were siblings. His brother and sister had smaller versions of Jay Halstead's grin. She moved her eyes further along to the right, to the other side of Jay. There was another girl, a young brunette looking up at Jay instead of the camera. Jay had his hand intertwined with her own. Erin glared, oh God girlfriend? _Girlfriend?_

She stared at the photograph a little longer, not able to take her eyes from the assumed couple at the end. Her eyes fell to their hands, their fingers slotted together through each other's. It didn't even cross her mind that she was making assumptions, her brain was pointing out what it clearly looked like.

Was it a twinge of jealousy she felt? There was a feeling in the pit of her stomach, and she fought hard to decide whether it was her hunger or actually something more. The noise from behind her didn't give her much time to think about it.

"I see you've found my pictures," He laughed, as he came back into the room.

She jumped, rotating her body so she was facing him. In a way she was relieved, she half expected him to be pissed at her for scooting through his personal stuff. He was looking at her with raised eyebrows, but she didn't think he was pissed.

"I….sorry….I" _Great_ , now she couldn't even string together an excuse for what she was doing.

He found her struggling funny, laughing a bit before walking over to her. He pointed at the photograph. "Mom. Sister. Brother. Me. Sara."

 _Sara? He'd only given her the name, but not the relation. She could be anybody._

"Sara?" she said questioningly.

"Not important," He walked away from the photograph and sat on the edge of his bed. After he'd spoken, he shook his head and Erin took it as a sign to not ask anymore. Clearly he didn't want to talk about it. Or _couldn't._

Erin checked her watch, her eyes widening when she realized the time. She'd talked to him for the better part of two hours and she didn't want to overstay her welcome. When she stepped towards the door, she felt a pull on her wrist.

"Where are you going?" He sounded sad, almost as though he didn't want her to leave yet.

"It's almost five. I should be going, I don't want to keep you-"

"Oh come _on,_ like I have anything to do." He rolled his eyes, and she laughed.

Erin noticed he still hadn't dropped his hand from her wrist. It was there firm, but it somehow didn't bother her. She noticed how hot his skin felt against her own, and it did nothing to help the thoughts she had about him that she was trying to fight out of her mind.

The major part of her _wanted_ to stay. She didn't have plans for afterwards, she knew she would just be going home. She'd make some crap food and sit in front of the TV. And she'd remain there for the rest of the night. Staying would mean she wouldn't be bored in her apartment.

The other part of her knew she needed to leave. She'd only just met Jay, and she didn't want to ambush him with being there. But she'd started to get to know him tonight, and if she kept up the visits she knew she would grow to care for him. And for that, she didn't want anything to rush.

Erin sighed and shook her head. She didn't know what to say, what was going to not sound like a pathetic excuse. And she was fighting hard to find one, because she actually wanted to stay.

"I'm gonna go, Jay," she realized how sad she sounded, her voice getting quieter with each word. As if she didn't want to say them. "It was nice to meet you."

Jay let go of her wrist and stood up from his bed. "It was real nice to meet you too, Erin." He watched as she moved towards the door. "Can I at least get your number? Will you be back next week?"

She nodded, answering both questions in one. She called out her cell number to him, and he put it in his phone. "Thanks, I'll see you to the car."

It was evident he didn't want her to leave, but he was still acting like a gent and it made Erin smile. He made small talk with her as they reached the parking lot.

"This wasn't what I expected," Erin said as she pointed at the building. "I thought you would be living in some weird strange prison-like place."

Jay laughed. "Yeah, it's okay. It's not bad but I wanna be outta here soon. Mark is cool and all but I need my own apartment," He rubbed his stubble, the hairs poking through his fingers. "Not yet though, I've gotta sort some things before I do that."

Erin thought it was a weird thing to say to her, especially when he didn't offer a further explanation. She wanted to know of course, but she couldn't force that kind of thing out of him. She offered him a last smile then stepped towards her car. When he heard her unlock it, he waved goodbye and headed back up to the building.

She didn't realize how long she'd been sat in her car staring at him as he walked inside, until her cell phone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out after the first ring and answered.

"Hello?"

"Erin, are you okay?" It was Hank, and he was in dad mode. "You said you'd call when this thing tonight was over-"

He sounded serious so she didn't want to laugh. "I'm fine, I just got out. I'm heading home now." She transferred the call to her hands-free and started her car. She finished the conversation as she was driving back to her apartment.

"You just got out? How did it go? You do realize that you only have to stay for an hour, right?"

"Woah, Hank. Yeah, I just got out. I guess we just lost track of time-"

"So then, what's he like, the soldier?" He was asking so many questions at once, and Erin felt obliged to tell him and answer.

"He's…I like him." Erin found herself smiling as she was talking, the grin spreading wide across her face. She was glad she was alone in the car, because she probably looked stupidly happy.

"Well that's good I guess. So this Cops and Corporals thing is something you're down for? You think it's going to be okay?"

"Yeah," she nodded, even though she knew Hank couldn't see her. "I think it's going to be okay."

When she got home, all she wanted to do was eat and go to bed. Suddenly, she felt exhausted. She didn't even feel like cooking, she made an instant meal and took it to bed with her. Something she _never_ allowed herself to do.

She turned on the TV in her bedroom as she ate her food, not that she was paying any attention to what was happening on the screen. She was almost falling asleep into her pasta. She didn't even have the energy to take the carton to the trash, dumping it on the table beside her bed. She was just about to fall asleep when she heard her phone buzz.

It wasn't a call, but a message. She thought about leaving it until the morning but decided to check it anyway. Her heart skipped a little and she suddenly felt more awake when she saw who it had come from.

 _Hey, it's Jay. So um, this is my number ha. Thank u for today, I guess I didn't realize how much I needed it. I wish you'd stayed 'cause Mark is being an ass. Anyway, just thanks. See u soon I hope._

Her heart all of a sudden felt fuzzy, and it annoyed her how this guy could affect her even though they'd just met. She didn't think he would have texted so soon, but she felt glad that he did. It made her heart pang a little, the fact that he'd mentioned he wished she'd stayed. Still, he _hoped_ to see her soon. Maybe a week was too long to wait, she could text him back in the morning. She didn't want to look like his text was affecting her the way it was, so decided to not reply right away.

She turned off her light, and put her phone down on her table bedside.

And that was the first night she dreamed about Jay Halstead.

 **Please Review.**


	4. Chapter 4

When she woke up the next morning, Erin was sweating. She was really sweating, her clothes sticking entirely to her body and droplets of perspiration were falling from her forehead. Erin threw the cover off her hot body and ran towards her bathroom.

Obviously, she'd never had an inappropriate dream before. Especially one about somebody, some soldier, she had just met. She was embarrassed at herself, had her mind really went there when she was sleeping? She was just glad she was by herself in the apartment, she would have _died_ if anybody saw her.

Erin let the shower run for a few seconds and stripped herself of her tank top she'd fallen asleep in. As soon as the cool water hit her skin, she felt like screaming with happiness. It was such a relief, the temperature a complete contrast to the hot fire erupting from her own body. She'd felt like she was on fire before she let the shower cool her down. Erin closed her eyes as the water ran the length of her back, over her ass and down to her legs and feet towards the plughole.

Minutes later, and when her body cooled to a more bearable temperature, she let herself step out of the shower. Erin grabbed the towel from the heater and wrapped it around herself, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Her cheeks were still flushed with color, she noticed. The mirror in front of her was steamed up, but Erin could still make out the dashes of red that hung on her cheeks. She drew a line with her index finger into the steam, so she could see her face properly. She laughed at herself for forgetting to take off yesterday's make-up: the black rings around her eyes were a giveaway. Erin reached for the wipes to take off the substance from her face. She threw away the wipe and walked back into her bedroom, unaware that the swipe she'd squiggled on the mirror had un-subconsciously formed the letter 'J' on the glass.

In the heat of sorting her flustered self from her inappropriate dream, she'd forgotten it was Saturday. And on this rare occasion, that meant a day off. Rather than rushing to get herself ready for a working day, she flung herself back onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. There was so many productive things she could do with her free time: she could go to the gym, she could go to the food store, she could tidy the apartment….

It was then she remembered the text message that had pinged through her phone last night. Even if she had been half asleep, she remembered the soldier had texted her. And he's said he wanted to see her soon.

Erin reached over to the table at her bedside and picked up her cell. She hadn't remembered putting it on Do Not Disturb, but she must have because she stared at her screen for a second with wide eyes. Jay's name flashed up again, this time with a number 3 attached to it. She blinked, had he texted her a further three times after she'd fallen asleep?

Suddenly, she felt bad. He'd had the decency to text after their meeting yesterday and she didn't want to seem eager so she'd promised to reply in the morning. Apparently that was too long for him to wait and he'd texted her again. And again. And again. Erin used Touch ID to unlock her cell and it led her straight to the messages page. She scrolled up to look at the first message.

 _Mark is really being an ass. Can you come back? I'm gonna go demented.._

Then

 _Are you alright? You didn't message to say you got home or anything. Anyway it was nice to meet you, Erin._

Then

 _Have I offended you or something? Seriously did you give me a false number?_

She wanted to cringe, at the fact he'd triple texted and at the fact she'd also ignored him. He was right, she had totally ignored his text from the night before, and he didn't actually know she'd gotten home at all. She also didn't want him to think she'd given him a false number, she'd never do that. But he didn't know that.

Just the thought of him brought back memories of how she'd woken up this morning. How, in her dream she had been ravenous, claiming him as her own. How she'd felt the need to have him, have her way with him. She threw herself back onto the bed and laughed at her childish behavior. It was like she was a teenager again, and she cringed at herself for being so turned on at the thought of him in her apartment. In her bedroom. And in her.

Would it be totally inappropriate to call him? She had to respond to him somehow, and a text message didn't seem like enough. His messages had expressed concern for her, even though the two had just met. She needed to talk to him, apologize for the lack of response and perhaps just hear his voice.

Erin rolled onto her stomach, bit the bullet and pressed the call button. When she held the phone to her ear, she promptly regretted her decision. When they'd been in his room, she'd struggled to start the conversation. How would things be different now, especially given her inappropriate thoughts last night? As she contemplated hanging up the phone, the ringing stopped.

"Erin?"

She swallowed, hoping he didn't hear. "Hey,"

Jay didn't speak for a minute and Erin thought he didn't know what to say either. Then, a laugh. "Well at least you didn't give me a fake number. How are you?"

"Yeah I'm okay." She fidgeted with the threads on the towel she was wrapped in, still not sure what direction in which to take the conversation. "So I'm sorry for not replying-"

"It's cool, Erin. I shouldn't have sent those. I don't have any business weighing in on your personal life. I just wanted to make sure you got home okay,"

"I did," she chewed on the inside of her cheek. "I did," she repeated. "Thanks for checking up on me."

"Of course."

Erin couldn't see him, but she imagined he was smirking. He continued:

"What are you doing with your day, Miss Lindsay?" it was his voice that got her, it was almost as though his level of attractiveness was showing through his voice. His tone of voice was husky, and that was so damn hot to her. She closed her eyes in a bid to fight away the pictures she was dreaming up in her head.

"I have a fun day ahead of tidying the apartment and heading to the gym. The usual." She laughed, although in reality there was nothing she wanted to do less than cleaning and gyming. She'd prefer to spend the whole day in bed.

Her comments made him laugh and Erin heard Jay chuckle on the other end of the line. "Well if you get bored you know where I am," his tone was spirited, as though trying to get Erin to go and see him. As though he was reading her mind and knew, knew that she did want to go and see him.

Erin stared at the ceiling, thinking about his suggestion. Although she _did_ want to go and see him again, she'd met the guy only yesterday. This Cops and Corporals recruit only required her to meet with him once a week.

She decided to keep him in the dark, smiling to herself as she thought about what to say. "I'll have to see if I can fit you in my schedule.."

Jay laughed again. "Okay, _Erin._ I guess I might see you later." He did the thing again where her name lingered too long on his lips. Even though she couldn't see it, she could hear it. And it made her want to go and see him even more.

Then she heard the phone hang up and she lay on her bed for a few more moments. If she was gonna make some sort of pathetic attempt to tidy the apartment, she had to start somewhere.

Walking over to the closet, Erin threw on a pair of yoga pants and a sweater. She was being hopeful, there was no way she was gonna tidy the apartment today. She made her way into the kitchen, she needed to eat. When she reached the kitchen, she practically threw her face into the cool temperature: being on the phone with Jay had caused the occurrences in her dream to circle around her brain. At the most inappropriate of times, when she was struggling to have a conversation with him anyway.

She took out ingredients to make a sandwich and put them on the counter. It was almost as though she hadn't eaten in days and she scoffed the sandwich down her throat in a couple of bites. She thought about going for a run, a run to clear her mind and to get some exercise. All she really wanted to do though was crash on the couch in front of the TV: it was her day off and she wanted to spend it doing things with little effort.

 _Fuck the running_ she thought and she made her way into the lounge. She loved when her days off coincided with re-runs of her favorite TV shows. She had an excuse to just lay and binge watch crap TV shows without having to feel bad about it.

Even as she tried to be engrossed in whatever was happening on the screen, Jay Halstead was still in the back of her mind. He'd texted her, he'd answered her call even after she was an ass and didn't reply, and he'd practically told her he wanted to see her.

Before she registered what she was doing, Erin ran back through to her bedroom and changed her clothes. She tried to tell herself that she was doing it for her own good, not for the benefit of anybody else but she knew she was lying. She replaced her sweats with black jeans and a shirt, one that had buttons up the front. Leaving two of them open accidentally on purpose, she made her way towards the car.

She found herself outside the refuge much easier than she had thought she would. Not knowing what courage had come over her, she exited the vehicle quickly and walked fast towards the door. There was nobody there to greet her this time, but she remembered the way to Jay's dorm.

It was when she reached his door that she became nervous. She shifted from left foot to right foot, not knowing what to say when she knocked. She'd joked that she would try and make time for him, now it was barely two hours later and she was standing outside of his door. She edged her ear towards the wood, trying to hear what was happening inside. She could hear laughter, and there was more than one person inside.

With a sharp intake of breath, she knocked on the door with her left hand. It took a second before she heard footsteps and then somebody came to the door. It was Mark.

"Ahh, the Detective! Back so soon?" Jay was right, Mark did sound like an _ass._

Erin nodded and waved at him, trying to be polite. "Is Jay here?"

Mark didn't have the door open very wide, so it was difficult for Erin to see inside. For a second, he looked back inside the room and turned back to Erin with a cringe on his face. She didn't know what she was getting at, because he didn't verbally respond to her. Instead, he opened the door wider so Erin could see. She attempted to mask it when she felt the faint smile fall from her face.

Jay was in the room, he was perched at the top end of his bed. But the first thing Erin noticed was the girl sitting next to him. The girl she immediately recognized as a person from one of Jay's photographs.

It was Sara.

When he saw Erin at the door, Jay immediately jolted up from his slouching position. "Erin," he looked from her to Sara then back to Erin. Then he looked at Mark with his eyes wide and Mark just shrugged. "W-w-what are you doing here?"

She didn't know how to respond, perhaps he hadn't meant for her to visit at all. Perhaps it had been a joke. Because she was clearly intruding. Before she replied, she found herself studying that pair sat on the bed. There was something that bothered her about how close they were sitting, something that told her Sara wasn't just a _friend_.

Erin chewed on her lip as she thought of a reply. She had to say something that didn't make it seem as though she'd been desperate to come and pay him a visit. "I-I thought we could grab some food," she stared again at Sara. She was trying hard to avoid eye contact with Erin, instead looking everywhere except Erin's face. "But it's alright if I'm interrupting, I can come back another time." Erin didn't even wait for a reply from any of the people in the room, instead slowly padding her footing backwards and retracing her steps towards the entrance.

She tried not to run, but suddenly she wanted to be as far away from that room as possible. There was a lump in the pit of her stomach that hadn't been there before. When she'd made it down the stairs, she felt a somewhat familiar grip around her wrist.

"Where are you going?" His voice was husky as usual, and she fought hard not to look in his direction. If she did, he would know.

"I'm sorry Jay, I didn't mean to interrupt." Her voice was shaking so much and she hated that it was. Hated that he could probably tell there was a pinch of jealousy in her actions. Even though she probably shouldn't be feeling that way, considering she'd only met him the day before. She was pissed at herself that she felt so strongly.

Jay furrowed his brow and moved position so Erin was forced to look at him. it didn't help that he was standing in front of her looking so _hot._ His tight T-shirt highlighted the muscles on his body and the neck line was low so Erin had access to the top of his chest. Although she tried to fight her eyes away.

He sighed. "What are you talking about? You're not interrupting." He still held onto her wrist, as though to prevent her from walking any further away from him. He motioned his head towards the direction they'd came from. "Come back?"

Erin shook her head and ran free from him, she didn't want to outstay her welcome when she didn't have to. She kind of wished she hadn't listened to her heart and stayed home in the first place. When she got to the car, she didn't start the engine. She pulled her jacket further around her body and sat for a while in the quiet.

She didn't have the right to feel this kind of jealousy, did she? She had absolutely no involvement with Jay's personal life, and that was the way it was going to have to be.

When she was about to drive away, she felt a tap at the passenger seat window, causing her to jump.

He offered her a sympathetic smile, and he moved to open the door. She didn't protest, so he climbed into the seat beside her. He didn't speak right away when he closed the door, but Erin could hear his heavy breathing.

"Sara was a medic at the same base as me," he suddenly started talking, without giving Erin a warning. Not hearing the word 'girlfriend' made her pay attention, and she turned her face towards him. Jay wasn't looking at her yet, he was staring out of the car's front window.

He looked so deep in thought Erin felt optimistic. If the aim was for her to get him to talk, was she doing something right?

She watched as he took another deep breath in and continued. "I can't pretend nothing ever happened between us," he started tapping at the interiors, as though the story-telling was making him distressed. "We dated when we were teenagers."

Erin cringed slightly at the thought, but she had to take into account it was a long time ago. A _lifetime_ ago, probably before Jay even became a soldier.

"And then she got together with my friend, Graham. And I was happy for them. Hell, I introduced them."

At the mention of another guy, Erin felt relief. But it was clear Jay wasn't finished.

"Me and Graham were in the same regiment, we went to war together. I came back, and Graham he… he didn't."

Erin noticed his eyes had glazed over and she immediately felt pissed at herself for jumping to conclusions. She had thought of herself whilst he had seen his friend killed on duty. She swallowed, not knowing how to reply. Instead, she offered her hand and placed it over his own. She realized immediately how tensed up he seemed, the veins in his hand were practically popping out of his skin.

"Jay," she hoped she could find some words of comfort. But she really didn't know what to say.

It took him a moment but he eventually moved to face her. "I didn't do this to get sympathy from you, Erin. I don't want sympathy, I don't _need_ it. I figured for this to work, I have to learn to open up to people. To trust people. And this is me doing that."

Erin nodded.

"I just don't like talking about this kind of stuff with people, I guess."

"I get it. I get it, Jay. Thank you for telling me." She let herself intertwine her fingers with his own, it was her way of offering him a support. She noticed he didn't try to pull away. "If there's anything I can do…"

Jay smiled from one corner of his mouth. "You're doing it, Erin. You're doing it."

Erin returned his small smile, pulling her hand away slowly. "Hey if you ever need to get away from this place, away from Mark. I'm down to make you that mac and cheese."

"That sounds good." He moved to get out of the car, and waved goodbye. "I'll call you?"

She nodded and began to drive away. Clearly, she was doing something right and that made her feel good. Jay Halstead was beginning to open up to her, she'd heard the first story from his past. And that was the main aim of her constant meeting with him. Anything else that happened would be a bonus, right?

 **Please Review!**


	5. Chapter 5

She'd never been this late for work before, she was running _really_ late. Erin knew Hank would bust her ass for not being on time and that was the reason her foot was flat to the floor on the gas right now. She was careful not to go over the limit still though, there couldn't be anything worse than a cop breaking the law.

She'd missed her alarm. And she wasn't proud of the reason why she'd missed her alarm. When she'd left the army refuge yesterday, Jay's words were ringing around in her brain. He always wanted to see more of her and she'd told him she would cook for him if he ever needed to get away. When Erin had got back home, she'd spent the majority of the day doing the things she'd vowed to do that morning: she went for a run, she did her food shop and she cleaned her apartment.

Erin had thought doing her jobs would take her mind off the soldier: she thought she would be preoccupied. Yet everything she seemed to do would remind her of him. The way he'd grabbed her by the waist when she ran off, the way he'd lingered too long when she ran to the car and the way he'd climbed into her car to talk to her. He'd begun to open up to her, and that made her feel optimistic.

Although seeing him yesterday made her good, she vowed to distance herself from him and focus on her job for a little while. It was cool and all yesterday, when she'd had the day off but she couldn't let herself get distracted when she was about to start working heavy cases again. She made a promise to herself to keep him separate from her job, telling herself to keep her phone away until the end of the working day.

It was harder to find a parking space today, with her being so late but she clocked one at the opposite side of the park. Erin shut off the engine and virtually sprinted into the district. She didn't even have time to wait and listen for whatever sarcastic comment Trudy Platt had for her today. Heck, she hadn't even thought of an excuse to tell her boss as to why she was so late this morning.

The morning briefing was well underway when she reached the top of the stairs. Hank Voight was already deep in conversation when she tried to quietly sneak in at the back. He was talking to Alvin, Adam, Kevin and Antonio and they'd pulled up Burgess from patrol. It looked like a serious case, from the look on Hank's face and the images he was showing them all. She took her seat and tried to listen.

"…so this guy, Frank Josephs is responsible for all of this. Al, Ruzek I want you to go check out his neighborhood. See what people have to say about this douchebag. Kevin, Antonio, Burgess. I want criminal records, doctor's records anything you can find on this guy. Erin, my office." He narrowed his eyes at her and she gingerly got out of the chair she'd occupied. Once she'd followed him inside, he tilted the blinds and shut the door behind them. "So, kid."

It was difficult for Erin to determine whether he was pissed at her or not, he wasn't giving anything away from his facial expression. She stayed silent and waited for him to continue.

"I need you here working on the lab results. I got some through about this guy, they're already on your email. Check them out for me-"

"Hank, you don't have to keep me here. I need to be out on the move, trying to help you get this guy."

"Erin, do you even know what we want him for?" She shook her head. "Exactly, I can't have you out looking when you weren't here for the briefing. Now sit," he pointed at her desk through his window. "And find out what this guy is about."

Erin groaned, knowing this was her punishment for being late even though Hank wasn't going to say it. She'd be missing out on the street action which was one of her favorite things about the job: she loved being involved, especially when they caught the bad guy at the end. Clearly she wouldn't be doing that today though. Even Burgess from patrol was playing a part and she had to stay inside.

Resigned to the fact Hank wasn't going to change his mind, she flung herself from the room and collapsed into her own desk chair. She logged onto her computer and started up her email. The suspect's results flashed before her face and she tried to study them hard. The data gave her his blood type and health status etc. What she didn't get was why she had to stay here when the answers for Voight were already written in front of her. He could have easily done this job himself. This was quite clearly the price she had to pay for being late, Hank having her feeling as though she wasn't doing anything important. She had to vow to herself that she would never be late again, if this is what it meant.

Erin spent most of the morning staring at the screen, there was little else that she could do without knowing more about this guy. About mid-morning, the rest of the team filtered in from their various roles on the case.

She moved to make herself a coffee in the break room when she heard somebody come in five seconds behind her. Hank had followed her in, and he smirked at her.

"I thought you said you were going to keep your personal and work lives separate?" He folded his arms in a bid to look pissed, but his facial expression told her he wasn't.

Erin was confused. "What? What do you mean?" She honestly had no idea what he could be referring to, she hadn't even mentioned anything to do with Cops and Corporal yet today. How was it that Hank could tell what was on her mind, even if she hadn't opened her mouth?

It seemed he liked to tease her and make her feel on edge, because then he started to laugh. "Relax, kid. It seems you've had your cell off all morning? I think someone has been trying to contact you." He raised his eyebrows and pointed to his own office next door. "Phone, go."

Erin rushed from the break room, so Hank wouldn't see the blush on her face. When she reached the desk, she noticed the phone he kept in there was already off the hook. A grin spread across her cheeks as she picked it up inquisitively.

"Hello?" There was no answer at first, she hoped Hank hadn't said anything to make them hang up. "Hello?"

"Oh, hey. What's up, your cell broke or something?" His voice was muffled and Erin struggled to hear him at first. He seemed to answer her prayers and she heard him moving until the background noise went quiet.

"No but I have this thing called work," she laughed. Although it was true she wanted nothing more than to talk to him, she tried to play it cool. "What can I help you with, Jay Halstead?" She chewed on the inner of her lip, and traced circles with her finger on Hank's desk. Talking to him, solely hearing his voice, made her insides leap.

"And here I was thinking you were ignoring me." Erin heard him laugh as he continued. "So no broken phone?"

"Nope, no broken phone." She could stay in Hank's office all day, trying to make conversation with this soldier, even if she struggled with what to say she'd come up with something. But she knew that wasn't an option, Hank would probably want his office back at some point. And she had to return to hers and look like she was doing work, even if she wasn't.

"Okay, that's good then. I guess I'm sorry for bothering you at work," _Liar. He wasn't sorry at all._ "I just had a question to ask."

"Which is?" Now she was intrigued.

"So a couple of the guys here are putting on a charity ball tonight at a hotel around the corner from this place. I guess I know it's short notice and all but would you want to go? I feel like I kind of _have_ to go but it would be cool if you could too? I mean it's totally okay if you have plans but-"

"I'd love to." She found herself replying before she'd even really registered what he'd said. All she knew was that she would be able to spend time with him, outside of where he lived. _God Erin, so much for leaving him alone_ she thought to herself.

"Great. I'll see you here around 7? We can walk there, it's just around the corner."

"Sure. See you then, Jay." She hung up the phone this time, knowing that if she spoke any longer, she wouldn't hang up at all. She stood up quickly and nearly skipped back to her own desk.

It was pretty hard for her to concentrate for the rest of the afternoon, the team kept coming and going but she wasn't even thinking about them. She'd have loved to cut out early but that wasn't an option, especially given the fact she'd already been late this morning. But she was stressing and she was stressing _hard._

She didn't have a _clue_ what to wear! Erin wasn't the type of girl to go to dances, and hell was she the type of girl to wear a nice dress. She'd wear one given the opportunity but she only owned one or two. And they were hidden at the back of her closet somewhere, would she even still fit into them? She'd been so quick to agree to accompany the soldier, only thinking about being with him for a few hours tonight. In the heat of thinking about him, she'd temporarily forgotten her wardrobe situation. If she got home and her dresses weren't any use, she'd have to tell Jay she couldn't go. And she didn't want that at all.

As the clock leaned towards 5pm, she made her way back towards Hank's office and knocked on the door. It was just the two of them left upstairs, apparently the rest had got an early finish but Erin hadn't. He notioned for her to come inside and she stepped through into the room.

She hadn't seen him again since she'd hung up the phone and he already had a sneaky look on his face when she entered. It didn't take her long to realize it.

"What? What's that face for?" She studying his quizzically, wondering if he was up to something.

"How was your phone call?" Hank leaned back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest and raising his eyebrows when he spoke. "Anything important?"

Erin fought to hide the smile on her face and gently shook her head. "Nothing, really. Except I need a favor." She was a little apprehensive to ask, knowing he was probably already pissed for her time-keeping. But she was going to ask him anyway.

"Which is?"

"Can I get a ride tonight? Around 7?"

It was Hank's turn to look apprehensive, not knowing where Lindsay was headed with the request. "I mean, sure. Where am I taking you?"

She almost didn't want to give that away yet, knowing he would probably comment. "The army refuge," What came out was almost a whisper, and she looked down at the floor before raising her head back up to look at him.

"The army refuge, huh? Wouldn't have anything to do with a certain soldier who was calling _my_ office today would it by any chance?" Hank knew full well he was teasing her and he was good at it.

Erin literally felt her cheeks turn purple and flung her hands to try and hide it. The heat radiating from her face was crazy. "Maybe," she managed, before trying to turn away from him. "Okay, fine. Yes." She didn't like to discuss her personal life with many people, Hank included. He was a surrogate Dad to her and it felt weird talking about this guy she was falling for so quickly.

It was clear she wanted to get away, and it took just a moment for Hank to realize that. "I'll pick you up at 7?"

"6.45?" She'd said she was going to meet the solider at 7, and she didn't want to be late.

"Fine 6.45. Like you'll be ready at that time."

"Oh, watch me." Erin took it as a cue to leave both the conversation and the room, almost sprinting to her car so she could get home as soon as possible.

She didn't stress about getting ready at first, it was only after she showered that she began to panic. She was going to have to ransack through her wardrobe to find these dresses she remembered were in there somewhere. Erin turned on the radio for background noise and threw open the closet doors. They had to be in there somewhere…

"Gotcha!" She pulled herself away from the closet armed with three coat hangers. She was amused that she'd found them so quickly, it gave her time to contemplate her choice and deliberate over which one she was going to wear. She lay the three dresses out on the bed and inspected them all: the red one had to be ironed and she didn't have time for that so she ruled out that one. Which left the black strapless or the blue skater.

She'd never been to a ball before really, sure small get togethers with food and cocktails but never a _ball._ She didn't even know the dress code really but by the way Jay had said "ball" she thought of a fancy evening. She opted for the black.

Now, she just prayed that it still fit her. She hadn't wore it in such a long time.

Before she even thought about trying it on, Erin blew at her hair with the dryer. It didn't take long for her hair to dry, the thing strands quickly losing their wetness as she blasted them. She spent a few minutes deliberating over hair style for the evening, finally deciding on leaving it half down using pins to clip up half of her curls. That way, it didn't look like she'd just left her hair in a curly mess, like it was most days. She secretly loved that she didn't have to do much with her hair for it to look good: she was blessed with natural curls, not the messy ones that looked un-brushed but the kind that tousled down your back into waves when it was dried.

She had to put on some make-up, too. Erin wasn't one to usually wear it, but she would make an effort when she could. The make-up bag was still in the bathroom cabinet and she brought it out into her bedroom to use the bigger mirror. It took her minutes to apply her base make-up but then she was stuck with what color to use on my eyes and lips. The most important parts. Erin didn't have much of an idea when it came to make-up: she didn't wear it for work, and she hardly ever went out with the girls or on dates anymore so she couldn't remember the last time she'd went all out. And what colors would complement the dress she was going to wear? Sometimes she wished she had a closer relationship to somebody like Burgess to help her figure stuff like this.

She was just going to have to improvise. Her hands found her eye shadow palette, the only one she owned but seemed to have every color under the sun in it. She scanned the rows of color, questioning herself suddenly why she had actually bought it because half of these colors were _not_ her at all. Then she remembered she'd bought it before her date with the fireman and they all knew how well that had gone. It had hardly been out of the make-up bag ever since.

Erin was slowly about to give up hope when she spotted the row of darker shades towards the end of the palette. There was one that stood out to her, a deep grey shade with a little glitter. Aptly named too, she thought as she stared at the name label. _Busted_. It was almost as though it spoke to her, and she applied a layer of it onto her eyelids. She didn't know if she regretted her decision, the eyeshadow automatically made her look so different. But, she went with it and added eyeliner then mascara on top. For somebody who wasn't a make-up guru, she thought she did a good job.

She had less choice with her color of lipstick, she didn't own many of those. After going all out on her eyes, she didn't want her lips to stand out as much. Especially if it looked as though she had made too much of an effort, she didn't want herself to come across that way. She wasn't going to apply that anyway before she tried on the dress, she didn't trust herself not to smudge it.

Erin threw her robe from her shoulders and took the dress from the hanger. She unzipped the fastening and stepped into it from the bottom. As she lifted it over her breasts, she was confused as to why she'd been so concerned it wouldn't fit her anymore. The job and her gym life kept her in shape and she smiled as she easily fastened it up at her side. _Oh thank Goodness_ she thought.

Once she was in the dress, she packed a clutch and sprayed herself with perfume. She moved to the closet again, and picked out a pair of heels. Ones that weren't too high though, because she wasn't good with those either. If she was about to dance at this thing, she needed some comfort.

She made some effort to tidy her room, knowing that when she returned tonight she'd probably want to crash into bed. She was hopeful for the night's events but when a gal needed her bed, she needed her bed.

She was just applying her lipstick – she chose the pink shade- when she heard a car beeping outside. When she looked out of the window, she realized it was her ride. She did a final check of her bedroom to make sure she had everything and headed for the apartment door. It was good practise walking to the car, she had time to perfect the heels before she was reunited with Jay.

When she reached the side of the car, she pulled jazz hands at Hank. "See, told you I'd be ready!" She moved slowly to get into the passenger side of the car, not wanting to crease her dress.

Voight looked at her for a minute when she sat down.

"What?" She was confused as to why he'd turned his attention from the road and onto her. "What?" she repeated.

"Erin, you look lovely." Hank smiled, before turning back to face the road in front of them. It wasn't like him to be mushy, and the moment was over quickly but Erin smiled all the same.

They soon reached the outside of the building and Hank pulled up to the entrance so Erin wouldn't have to walk far. "Have a good time, kid. Be careful and call me when you're home. This soldier seems nice and all but remember you don't know everything about him yet, just. Be careful."

Erin slightly cringed at the fact he'd gone full Dad mode but reassured him all the same. "Always, Hank. Thanks for the ride. I'll call you."

She slowly rose up out of the car, put her clutch under her arm and headed for the door to the building.

 **Please Review :)**


	6. Chapter 6

It was only when she got out of the car that Erin felt nervous. Although she tried to hide it, however much she told herself it was _just_ a dance, she was beginning to hate herself for how quickly she was falling for this guy. The guy she had only just met, and quite frankly, still didn't know much about. There was just something about him that, each time they met, left her wanting to know more about him.

She waited until Hank had drove off before she climbed the last of the steps and forced herself through the main door. At least it was open, so she didn't have to haul the heavy metal open herself. When she made it to the entrance, there were still so many people in the lobby.

The walk from her apartment, and again from the car to the entrance had given Erin time to perfect the heel walk. She was proud of herself that she wasn't going to look stupid in front of the soldier. There were so many of them in front of her now, dressed to the nines in suits and ties. Of course, there was only one that she had eyes for and she managed to spot him straight away. Jay Halstead was deep in conversation with some other soldiers, one that Erin recognized as Mark the "ass". To her, he looked even more handsome than the time she'd first set eyes on him and _then_ he had looked good. Erin let her eyes travel down his black suit, knowing that although she could only see the back of him, he was indeed easy on her eyes.

On her way over to him, she was aware that several of the soldiers were looking at her intently. It had been her aim to look good, but the other eyes on her body didn't matter to her. They gave her reassurance though that, yes, she looked good. As she neared Jay, she noticed there were only a few other females there and several of them looked like soldiers themselves. In any case, she was thankful that she wasn't the only one, that way she didn't stick out so much.

When she finally fought through the crowd to reach the soldier she wanted to speak to, her words were lost on her. It seemed she didn't know what to say to start the conversation. She decided to lead with a hand gesture, slowly placing her hand on Jay's upper arm. He was still stuck in the conversation, but he slowly turned to face her.

"….and that's how they had to the idea to….hooooly" He left the conversation and turned to face her fully, letting his eyes travel the material of her dress before they came to rest on her face and finally locking with her own. "Wow," his grammar seemed uncomfortable at first, as though he didn't know what to say. Jay cleared his throat. "I mean, hi." He let out a chuckle.

Her heart was already in her mouth. Erin felt herself go weak at the knees already, she'd got the reaction she had so wanted from him: seeming to render him _speechless_. He didn't know what to say, and that was usually her own job. Just the thought of his eyes on her body made her insides do cartwheels, and it was like she had high school butterflies again. "Hey," she giggled at him, pushing a lose curl that had fallen forward behind her ear. She thought the conversation would flow with the awkward compliments out of the way. "You look…nice."

"Yeah?" Jay tugged slightly on the open bit of his suit, as if to say he knew he looked good. "You look….nice, too." He gulped then, knowing he was underplaying his words. Simply stating that "Erin looked nice" was the understatement of the year. Not that he was going to say anything else, he didn't want to embarrass her in front of the others. "Let me introduce you real quick." Jay moved to the left slightly, letting Erin into the circle he'd created with the group of soldiers he was in conversation with. As if his words weren't going to be enough for her, he pointed around the circle: "Patrick, Vinnie, Cameron, Hattie and well.. " He paused before he came to his roommate. "You know this asshole."

"Hey!" Mark seemed somewhat offended, but then laughed it off. "Hey Erin, I didn't know these were your thing. I didn't expect to see you again so soon," Mark winked at her and Erin winced, however he tried to compliment her it always sounded like an insult. Erin didn't care though, she hadn't come to this thing to impress Mark. Or to talk to him at all for that matter.

The rest of the group uttered polite greeting to Erin and it became apparent to her that they weren't _all_ assholes like the roommate. Before Erin had the opportunity to talk to them really, she felt Jay's breath in her ear.

"We should head out, if you want to get a decent seat at this thing," he whispered, only loud enough to hear so the rest of the circle couldn't hear. He excused himself for the group, gesturing for Erin to follow his lead.

Erin nodded her response and made her way towards the exit behind him.

Being outside, Erin felt her heartrate slowly steady to a normal beat and she watched her step as she walked a pace behind Jay towards the hotel. She'd definitely had the hang of these shoes before she'd reached the refuge and now she prayed they weren't going to mess up on her. She couldn't embarrass herself when they'd clearly both gone to effort to impress one another.

"So," as soon as they were out of the refuge grounds, Jay offered an arm for Erin to lean on so they could walk interlinked. "How was your day, Erin Lindsay?" He slowed his pace as he talked to her, in a bid to listen to the recount of her day.

Erin laughed a little before she said anything, recalling how the day had literally been used as punishment for her lateness. She was in two minds whether to tell him, him being the reason why she was late in the first place. Then she remembered the reason behind this Cops and Corporals: to be truthful and open up. She decided to tell him.

"Well," she tightened the grip of her hand on his forearm and it wasn't hard for her to sense his muscles. Even through the material of a shirt and suit jacket, his hardened muscle just there underneath her grip. "I was late this morning, so the boss had me just doing the odd jobs for the case. Which _sucked._ "

"No way! Can he do that?"

"Apparently so." She laughed at the end, not wanting their starting conversation to be too serious when they had the full evening ahead.

By the time she'd told him the story of her day, they'd reached the venue of the ball. Jay was right, the hotel was literally around the corner and it had taken a mere five/ten minutes to get there. Jay stepped forward and reached the entrance first, pulling the door towards himself but stepping to the side to let Erin through first. She thanked him quietly and waited for his lead when they were inside, not knowing where she was going.

When they reached the room the ball was being held, Erin automatically felt thankful she'd opted for her most formal dress. The room itself was ginormous, decorated tables littered the ground and there was a stage and dancefloor at one end of it. In the center of the ceiling was a glitter ball cross chandelier, Erin had never seen anything like it before but it looked super fancy. Everything about the room looked amazing from the interior on the walls to the golden candles on the tables and the decorations on the stage. She couldn't help but notice a stand and microphone on the stage, wondering why they needed such things at a ball. She left the thought at the back of her mind and let her eyes dance around the room.

Erin couldn't hide her amazement. "Wow," she felt like a child somehow, and she was scared that her reaction showed Jay how rarely she visited establishments like this. She couldn't get over how something like this room existed, it must have cost somebody a fortune to design and build. Come to think of it, a ball like this must have also cost a lot to put on, and surely they were charging for tickets. And Jay hadn't asked her for a dollar.

"Wow indeed," He replied, directing his speech more at his company than the room itself. She didn't seem to notice though, her mind still so engrossed in her surroundings. "Drink?"

Erin nodded, peeling herself away from looking around and followed him in direction of the bar.

"What would you like?" they were early so there wasn't a line and Jay moved to get out his wallet. "What do you drink?"

Erin laughed. "What _don't_ I drink." She noticed he'd started to take some cash out, and she wanted to offer her thanks for the invite. "Can I? You didn't ask me for any money for my ticket," Erin started to open her clutch but then she felt a hand come to rest gently on her own.

He was smiling at her. "Hey, it's an open bar. I'm just getting my army ID so they know it's me." He took his arm away, too quickly for Erin's liking, to let her close her bag again. "So what do you drink?"

Being on the spot, she didn't know what she wanted to drink. Wine would make her dizzy, she went crazy on vodka and with tequila she'd be on the floor. She went with her favorite option, one that would probably surprise the soldier.

"Beer?" he repeated what she'd answered, but if he was surprised he didn't question it. Jay turned away temporarily to order, and Erin waited patiently at the side. Within moments he had returned to her side, and he handed a bottle over to her. His fingers lingered on her own for a moment, as he passed the glass from his grip to hers.

"So there's a seating plan, I'm afraid." Jay made it sound like a bad thing, but Erin didn't necessarily think so. "But luckily, I think you're next to me." Erin saw him wink as he made his way to one of the tables. That was always a good thing, she didn't know anybody else in here. Sure enough, Jay reached the table and found their seats. Being ever the gentleman again, he pulled out Erin's seat for her and allowed her to sit before he took a seat himself. By the number of other seats, Erin sensed they were about to be joined by several others but for now they were alone. Apart from the faint music in the background, it was up to them to make noise.

Erin realized she'd not reciprocated his questions that he'd asked on the way here, she was in a sort of daze when answering him. She thought it was a good way to lead, and then hopefully the conversation would flow from there.

"I never asked you about your day."

"Hmm?" He was taking a swig of beer, looking around the room like Erin had before. His questioning suggested to her that she had to repeat.

"I never asked about your day. How was it?"

He paid attention this time. "It was alright, I didn't really do anything." He laughed. "Pretty much like most days actually. It gets a bit boring in there." It was too early in the conversation, and too early in the evening for him to admit it actually made his day when Erin came to see him. This meeting, or whatever it was between them, for Jay; once a week wasn't enough. He was elated that she'd agreed to come with him tonight, and right about now he was slightly regretting that he hadn't entirely been truthful about the night's events. After realizing how open she had been with him, Jay thought it the right time to correct himself and tell her what tonight was really about. "Listen, Erin-"

Before he had the chance to finish what he was trying to say, the rest of the soldiers joined their table. They weren't the same ones that Jay had been talking to in the refuge, but he recognized them all the same. A few of them were living on his floor, and apparently a couple of them had managed to find themselves a date, too. He looked at the women as they sat down, noticing straight away they had nothing on his company. They looked nice and all, they had made an effort but they were no Detective Erin Lindsay.

Jay took a second to look at her, she was talking about something with another of the soldier's dates. The woman was sat at the other side of Erin and seemed to be paying compliments to her dress. The conversation didn't last long though, as the lights in the room dimmed down and everybody sat.

Everybody turned slowly towards the stage where a spotlight was turned on. Jay and Erin both recognized the man who took to the stage: Corporal Anderson, and Erin thought he was about to make a simple speech and thank everybody for coming. Jay prayed he wasn't about to deliver the real news until later on in the evening.

To Jay's delight, it was solely an introductory speech and Anderson soon stepped off the stage to allow his soldiers to enjoy the night. It allowed him more time to talk to Erin.

After the speech was over, the music was turned louder and Jay had to lean into the Detective, to allow himself to be heard over the volume of the music. It was almost like they were at a concert though, and he had to use hand gestures to get his points across. "Do you want another drink?"

Erin nodded her answer and watched as Jay made his way to the main bar, out of the room. She somehow felt weird without him there, in a room full of strangers. It was an opportunity though to take in her surroundings again. If it was possible, the room had become more beautiful once the lights were dimmed: the dancefloor was now illuminated in extraordinary light, and there were couples dancing in the center now. She smiled as she watched them, their bodies moving in time to the music. She tapped her foot unconsciously along to the music that was playing, oblivious to the fact that Jay soon returned. She only noticed when he brought her out of her daze by standing between her and the dancing couples. Before he even offered her one of the drinks he'd brought back, he presented a hand to her and pointed to the dancefloor with his others. He'd noticed the way she was studying the other dancers, and it was as though she wanted to join them.

Erin shook her head at first, knowing she was about to make a spectacle of herself; she couldn't dance! And she was afraid she'd make a fool of herself in her not-so-sensible shoes.

"Come on," Jay tugged at her arm, as he let her hand fall into his own. "I'm not taking no for an answer." He watched the resigned expression fall from her face, and she smiled at him. The kind of smile that tugged at his own heartstrings, one of those smiles that looked like it hid so much.

Erin knew Jay wasn't going to let her stay sitting, so she let him guide her into the middle of the dancefloor. The way Jay had positioned them, the spotlight was near them and they were no longer in darkness. When he'd found where he wanted to stand, he laced his strong fingers between Erin's own and let his other hand drop to her waist. Through the light material of her black dress, he tensed as he felt his grip come into contact with her slender hip. Erin's free hand found Jay's shoulder and came to rest on top of it. Her hand was tiny in comparison with his shoulder, but she didn't care. He felt so firm underneath his suit, it made Erin feel weak. Thank Goodness she had his solid grip around her to stop her knees from giving up on her.

They didn't even feel the need for words, and with each verse of the song Erin's body seemed to sink further into the crevices of Jay's. Now she was so close that she was inhaling his cologne, and she wasn't going to complain. He could probably smell her perfume too, his head was almost laying on her shoulder. There was still a tiny distance between that contact though, but Erin felt the hot air of his breath on her skin even though they weren't actually talking.

Whilst the pair didn't seem to want to separate, it was hot on the dancefloor. The heat and illumination from the spotlights and other bodies in the area made the air stuffy and dry. They both felt the need for a sip of their beer at least, before they could carry on. As soon as Erin and Jay got back to their seats, the stage was lit up again and Anderson was back in the center.

Erin turned slowly towards Jay. "He can't get enough of the stage, can he?" After speaking, Erin took a large gulp of her beer and Jay took it as a sign not to answer. She was about to find out why she was really here.

They both turned round to face the stage again and Anderson started talking momentarily. "Now for the real reason we're here tonight. I know some of you don't actually know. Well, I wanted to bring you all here in celebration of one of my best men, one of my best soldiers. Somebody who went to war with friends, and came back without them. Somebody who took on the role of not only Ranger, but also paramedic, army chef, camp translator, confidant and friend. I think you all know who I'm talking about. I am delighted to award the Armed Forces Expeditionary Medal to Mr Jay Halstead."

Before the sentence was finished, the room erupted in cheering and applause not least from Erin whose jaw also dropped to the floor. She knew he had been a soldier, but she had no idea as to what extent. An exceptional one, apparently. Erin believed strongly in the recognition of the military, and she told herself that was the reason she had tears in her eyes. She wasn't going to let herself cry ( _and ruin the make-up she'd spent_ _so_ _much time on!)_ in front of everybody, but she felt emotional just the same. She watched as Jay carefully climbed the steps to the stage, chewing on his lip. He looked nervous, and Erin had no idea why. He _deserved_ this, and she felt proud he was getting it. It was another medal to add to his growing collection, things that represented his services to his country.

Erin found herself out of her chair, clapping applause with everybody else in the room. It was a while before the clapping died down, signalling to Erin how much Jay meant to everybody in the room.

Suddenly, she felt fuzzy inside. _He'd chosen to spend this moment with her._ She watched as he greeted his Corporal on stage and how he tenderly received the medal in his left hand. By this point, many of the soldiers in the room were shouting.

"Speech!"

Erin felt elated, her eyes focused in on the character in the middle of the stage. He seemed to answer the prayers of his audience as he stepped towards the mic. He seemed to exhale a lot before he actually spoke.

"Woah. I have no idea what to say. I guess I have to thank you guys, those that have served with me and those that have been there to support that. I…uh….thanks." The crowd seemed satisfied with his effort, clapping their response again and turning back to their tables. Even though he was far away on the stage, Jay and Erin's eyes still met for a second: she was still in awe of him up there and after his quick scan of the room, he was able to find her.

He lifted the medal a bit and mouthed a _Thank You_ at her. With that, he skipped back down the steps.

Erin felt like it was an eternity before Jay returned to the table, the amount of congratulatory hugs and handshakes he was receiving. When he eventually came back, she'd thought of what to say.

"So much for being truthful with me," she laughed, standing again so she could offer her own compliments. "Let me see," she watched as he unravelled the ribbon so she could see what he'd received.

Erin felt herself nodding, then stepped back from him to look at him properly. "Why didn't you tell me?" He obviously had a reason for fabricating the reason for tonight, she was just curious.

Jay knew she would ask. "I… I didn't want you to feel under any pressure to come, Erin. If I told you it was all about me tonight, I.. I don't know I figured you might have thought I was roping you into something," He bit on his lip and stared at the floor a while before moving back to occupy his chair. Erin sat down beside him.

"That would never have happened," Their bodies were close again now and Erin dropped her hand to her side but it came into contact with Jay's knee instead. He flinched a little, not expecting it but then smiled at her.

"I know, I know that now." Jay reached for his beer and swallowed the rest of it.

After a couple more beers and a few more dances, Jay noticed Erin was ready to go home. She was becoming unsteady on her feet and he was beginning to slur his words himself. "Do you want to go?" He was back to mouthing again, the music had been turned full volume but Erin seemed to understand and nodded.

The cold air outside was a complete contrast to the sticky air inside the building. As soon as they were outside the door, the goose bumps appeared on Erin's arms. She tried to suppress a shiver, but Jay seemed to notice. He took off his suit jacket, wrapping it across her shoulders whilst still keeping grip on her balance so she wouldn't fall over.

"How are you getting home?" Jay said as they neared the refuge again.

"Cab," she muttered, her teeth chattering together.

"I'll call you one," He reached for his phone out of his pocket, quickly dialling a number and requesting a taxi. "Five minutes."

From the pact they were walking, the taxi was waiting for Erin when they got back to Jay's building. When she caught sight of it, Erin moved to give Jay back his jacket. He slowly shook his head.

"Keep it, it's cold. You can give me it back next week."

Erin let out a tipsy giggle. "What makes you think you'll be seeing me next week?" she teased.

"Because you can't stay away from me," with each word, he closed another inch between them. "But seriously," with the last word, he left no space between them at all, her body trapped between him and the side of the car. "Thank you for being my date tonight."

Erin scoffed, in an attempt to hide her _actual_ feeling of ecstasy. "Your date?"

"Yeah," his left hand rose up and found the left side of her face. "My date." As the 't' sound left his mouth, he pressed his lips ever so gently against hers caressing the back of her neck with his other hand. His hand seemed to get lost in her tangled curls, as she too leaned up and leaned more into his embrace. The kiss lasted all of five seconds, but it was enough for the pair to end the night on an ultimate high.

As Jay pulled away, he made sure Erin got into the cab before he went back inside. "Goodnight, Erin."

Erin couldn't manage words, but she waved her goodbye from the inside of the car not fully comprehending that tonight she would be sleeping with the lingering taste of Jay Halstead's lips on her own.

 **Please Review!**


	7. Chapter 7

Before Jay even entered his room, the soldier could practically feel his roommate's eyes burning through the door at him. He knew Mark would have something to say and, whatever it was, Jay couldn't be bothered for him right now. He just wanted to go to bed. His hand reached for the door handle and he pushed himself into their shared abode.

As he expected, Mark was already inside. He was lying on his bed with his hands behind his head, staring directly at him. Mark had a questioning look in his eye, and Jay knew he was about to ask him of his recent whereabouts. And Jay definitely wasn't in the mood to answer any questions he had, at this moment the thought of a conversation with his asshole of a roommate was the last thing on his agenda. But Mark was staring at him, staring at him hard. As Jay reached the side of his bed, and moved to get in it, he opened his mouth.

"You're back late," Mark raised his eyebrows. "Any particular reason?"

Jay didn't satisfy him with an answer, instead focusing on taking off his suit and climbing under his covers. He felt his entire body relax as it collided with the mattress and his head hit the pillow. Mark's voice continued to strike through him, almost creating shivers at his spine. Completely different shivers to the ones he'd experienced just minutes ago.

"Hey man, where have you been? Wouldn't have anything to do with that _Detective_ girl would it? The one that turned up for tonight?" With each question, Mark seemed to put more emphasis on his tone. It was like he knew the answers, just wanted to hear them come from Jay's mouth. At the end, he let out a low whistle, and Jay knew he was talking about Erin. Mark had seen what she'd looked like tonight too, he was bound to have something to say.

He liked Mark sometimes, but most of the time he was like this and he was annoying. He just couldn't seem to stay out of other peoples' personal lives. Especially Jay's: he'd taken it upon himself to work out every last detail in his life and always needed to know where he'd been. He seemed to think of himself as an authority figure, and Jay wasn't down for that. Mark didn't _need_ to know everything, maybe not even anything at all.

"It's none of your god-damn business," Jay didn't want to sound rude, but Mark was trying to overstep a boundary. He didn't need to know what went down tonight, and Jay wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of telling him. He wanted to keep the conversation to a minimum, so as soon as Jay had spoken, he turned his back on the other man and faced the wall. He put one of his arms underneath his pillow and the other above the comforter; in a bid to show Mark that he wanted to go to sleep.

But Mark didn't seem to take hints seriously.

"Ah come on, Jay! I gotta know! Did something happen between you too? I knew it, I knew something was going on there. It's about damn time you-"

"Goodnight Mark." Jay sat up and stretched an arm along the wall for the light-switch. He knocked it off easily, and the room suddenly turned black. He rested again, against his pillows and shut his eyes.

"This is it, dude this could be it! Holy shit!" Mark almost shouted at his roommate, even though there was only meters parting their beds. Then, he was silent for a second and Jay thought he'd eventually registered that perhaps he didn't want to talk about it. "Wait, did you tell her?"

"Mark, I swear-" Jay said it without moving, his teeth gritted as he spoke against the wall. Though, he did pull his blankets further up his body, in a bid to shield himself from Mark's view. That way, _out of sight out of mind._

"Did you tell her?" Mark repeated, and Jay could almost picture him staring at him even though it was so dark. He took Jay's apparent silence as a no. "Damn Jay, if you're gonna let her kee p coming in here and keep getting to know her, you're gonna have to tell her. You have to tell her sometime."

Jay groaned, turned in his slumber and threw a cushion from his bed over to Mark. It seemed to reach the target, as he heard a muffled grumble followed by cussing. _So hell_ thought Jay, _he deserved it._

"Shut up," Jay was wide awake now, lying on his back as he spoke. "Shut up, shut up, shut up."

* * *

Erin failed to realize, at first, the reason why she'd woken up so cold. It was only after a couple of seconds that she noticed she'd fallen asleep in her underwear. She pushed her head further into the pillow, and made herself a human burrito in the comforter.

She silently thanked her drunk self for setting her alarm early, it meant she wouldn't have to panic about rushing or being late this morning. At the same time, she could feel her slight hangover kicking in already. The pounding in the back of her head was getting harder to ignore, and she knew it would get worse if she didn't pop two Advil soon. If only she could find the will to get out of her bed.

Though it was still dark, she could make out the contents of her room. She was proud of herself for remembering to hang up the dress, recalling that the drunk version of herself would rather throw it on the floor and make for the nearest mattress so she could sleep. Her dress was lying over her chair, but the material of it wasn't the material she could see.

Jay's jacket.

Jay.

Her fingers traced the line of her lips as she thought about the events of last night. She couldn't be sure if she imagined it, but she felt like they were still on fire. Erin threw her arm back to her side and chewed on her lip. She smiled.

He'd _kissed_ her. And she hadn't had to dream it this time.

She'd thought about it the whole cab ride home. Perhaps that made her pathetic, but she didn't ecare. And he'd been ever the gentleman about it, the way he'd held her while it happened, then made sure she got home in the safety of a cab. It has just ended the night so perfectly in her opinion.

The alarm going off again brought her from the daze and Erin groaned: had it really been ten minutes already since she'd hit snooze? With a sharp intake of breath, she practically ran to the bathroom and prayed for the shower to warm up quickly. She stripped herself and climbed into the shower, letting the large shower-head soak her. Erin was happy that within minutes she was warm, and she reached for the shampoo and conditioner to wash her hair. As she massaged the liquid into her scalp, she couldn't help but think again about what had happened last night.

Jay had taken her as a _date_ to a night that was dedicated to him. She felt thrilled that he had chosen to spend the night with her but at the same time she remembered that he hadn't actually been honest about the evening's events. And that led her to the theory that, if he hadn't told the truth about yesterday, there were so many other things that she could be in the dark about. Erin thought back to Hank's words: she actually didn't know much about him at all.t

And that had been the aim in the first place, to get to know his persona and see if she could aid any recovery he needed.

Erin rinsed herself clean from the bubbles and turned off the water. She stared for a second as the remaining droplets disappeared down the plughole then reached for her towel. Her wet feet left a trail as she made her way back into the bedroom.

Despite any hindering thoughts she'd had in the shower, Erin had woken up in a pretty good mood. That is, if she ignored the thumping protruding from the back of her brain. She quickly threw on clothes from the closet and made her way into the kitchen. If she was in Hank's bad books for being late, she would _definitely_ be in them for showing up to the District with a hangover. Erin made coffee and threw two painkillers in her mouth. By the time she'd drank the coffee, she knew she had to leave.

Before she left the apartment, she ran back through into the bedroom and picked up Jay's jacket. If she had time after work, she planned to return it to its rightful owner. She didn't feel right keeping hold of it, plus it would be an excuse to see the soldier again.

She was somewhat impressed with herself for being on time. Erin parked the car and walked up to the unit, trying to look as sober as she could. She didn't feel drunk anymore, but she was sure there would be evidence of last night on her face. Considering she hadn't put as much effort into her appearance this morning. When she arrived, everybody else was there but luckily she hadn't missed the start of the briefing.

Erin uttered her greeting to the rest of the team and took the seat behind her desk. She became distracted by the computer, failing to realize somebody sit on the edge of her desk. When Hank spoke, she almost jumped out of her skin.

"Good night last night?" When Erin looked at him, she saw his eyebrows were raised. Okay, could he sense she was hungover already? She hadn't even spoken yet, and thought she'd done a decent job at looking okay.

"Hmm?" Erin attempted to play dumb, pretended she didn't have a stinking headache and wanted to go back to bed. The thought of 5 o'clock was almost a turn on.

"I said, how was last night? You didn't call." He sounded miffed, almost as though he was pissed not to have received a phone call. "I was worried aibout you."

She didn't know whether bursting into a fit of laughter was inappropriate. She didn't _need_ looking after, she was a grown woman! Hank liked to think he was her protector, but she did have a personal life too. And she sure as hell wasn't going to go into detail about what happened last night.

Even though she didn't want to say anything, her cheeks told otherwise. Before she had even responded she felt color rising up in her face. Erin tried to blame it on her forgetfulness.

"Oh shoot I forgot to call. I'm sorry Hank, but I yeah… I had a good night." She rubbed a hand across her face, attempting to shield herself from his view. Either she looked embarrassed or she looked hungover, and frankly she didn't want to show him either side of her.

"Mhm," Hank slapped the desk as he got up, causing her to jump again. If she wasn't awake before, she was now. Erin watched as Hank made his way over to the board to start their briefing. When he reached it, he cleared his throat. "This," he slapped a mug-shot against the backdrop "is Andrew Brixton, Brixy to his friends. Don't let the baby face fool you, I want him for the murder of two teenage girls from Naperville." l

Erin and the rest of the team listened as Hank detailed Brixton's actions. She was partnered with Alvin to question the residents and workers of Naperville.

"What is it? You seem distracted." Alvin turned to her suddenly on their way back to the district. "Are you okay?"

As she stared out of the window, Erin realized everybody seemed to be questioning her today. Which was strange because they usually followed the rule of keeping personal lives _personal._

"I'm fine, I swear," she chirped back in an upbeat manner even though she'd been quiet the majority of the journey. After she'd spoken, she offered him a smile then turned back to the window. Luckily for Erin, Alvin didn't ask any more questions. They reached the District soon after.

Erin headed straight for the locker room when they got back, sitting on the benches with her back against the wall. Throughout the course of the day, she'd managed to ignore the pulsation of her lingering hangover but now she felt it more than ever. Luckily, she managed to recover some more pain-killers from her locker, and she took another two before she was ready to leave.

Once she located the car fob in her locker, she was out of the building. Her car was round the side of the district, so Erin briskly walked to find it. Though she'd been outside temporarily before, the cold Chicago air hit her hard. By the time she made it to the car, she was shivering. The sooner she was able to step on the gas and go home, the better.

It was only when she was almost at the apartment that she remembered the jacket on the back seat.

"Shit," Erin muttered to herself, pissed that she'd forgotten. She changed direction of the car and headed towards the refuge. She hummed along with the quiet radio as she neared her destination.

The car park was completely empty when she arrived, and it was beginning to get dark. Erin parked and stopped the engine, pulling down the sunscreen to look at her appearance. There was _no_ denying that she didn't look _anything_ like she had last night, and she hadn't brought anything to deal with that. Erin sighed, he was going to have to deal with what she looked like right now. With a quick tussle of her hair- it was the best she could do- Erin got out of the car and walked towards the building, Jay's dress jacket draped across her forearm. It was something like a half skip/half walk she did to get to the entrance, personifying her half excitement/half apprehension as to what was going to happen next.

Erin had pretty good memory and walked straight up to the stair case she knew was home to Jay's room. She padded softly across the corridor, coming to a stop outside his door. Before she had the guts to knock, she edged her ear closer to the door to see if she could hear voices inside. She couldn't. Erin backed away slightly and rapped her knuckles against the wood.

Straight away, she regretted it a little bit. She hadn't even thought up what to say, here she was just turning up to his bedroom with his jacket. Perhaps she could have at least called first? She blamed her lack of thought process on her hangover, and was slightly taken aback when the door swooshed open in her face. A considerable amount of disappointment overcame her when she noticed it wasn't the face she had come to see.

Mark looked her up and down before he spoke. "Ahh, the _Detective_." His voice was raspy, and Erin decided she didn't like it. "Back so soon?" He leaned against the doorframe and folded his arms across his chest, preventing Erin from seeing into the room.

Erin took a step back, she was a little intimated by the guy and he smelt gross. Clearly he still reeked from the alcohol he'd taken in the night before. In a bid to look polite and reply, she opened her mouth. He cut in again though, before she had the opportunity to form a sentence.

"Jay's not here," Mark spoke through his teeth, almost as though Erin had disturbed him. He spoke so matter-of-factly Erin thought she was being mocked.

"Do you know where I can find him?" She realized she sounded needy, her intonation rising at the end of her question.

"I don't know," His voice was almost a hiss and Erin thought it fitting, he did remind her of a snake. In all senses of the word, from the way he glared at her to the way he spoke without moving his lips. It was obvious he was trying to make small talk with her, and Erin would rather be _anywhere_ else. "Did you want something?"

Erin nodded and she felt deflated a bit. "Can you tell him I dropped by with this?" She presented Mark with the suit jacket, and he outstretched a grimy hand to retrieve it.

"Sure." Mark threw the jacket into the room then turned back to face her. "You came all the way back here to return his _jacket_?" He scoffed.

"I guess I did," Erin narrowed her eyes at the guy, feeling like she shouldn't have to justify herself to him. And she didn't, he was just being an ass.

She walked away from the door, not satisfying him with a goodbye and made her way back towards the staircase. As she reached the end of the hallway, she fought hard to deny how much her heart felt heavy. In a way, she'd looked forward to this all day; it had been her way of getting though the case. She'd envisioned meeting up again with the soldier, hoping he'd remembered their kiss in the way it had etched itself into her memory. She couldn't hide her disappointment and all she wanted to do was get to the car and get home. Her mind went into a daze as she walked with her head low down the rest of the stairway.

"Erin?"

When she reached the last step, she noticed her feet were joined by another pair. She saw them first, before her brain registered the voice. She looked up.

Her mouth opened and closed a few times. "Jay," She finally managed and she had to laugh at her awkwardness. "I..I was just returning your jacket."

He let out a chuckle, the kind of chuckle that just enticed her in even more. "And you weren't even going to say hi?"

"I.. Mark said-"

Jay groaned. "You should know by now not to listen to _anything_ that guy has to say," He leaned closer towards her, resting his body weight against the stair railing. For a minute, he didn't speak but noticed the bags under her eyes and the general look of exhaustion on her face. "Rough case?"

"You could say that," she nodded and she suppressed a yawn so as not to seem rude. "Or maybe you just got me too drunk last night," she added playfully.

"Yeah, because I _forced_ those tequilas down your neck," His eyes travelled as he said the words, allowing himself to essentially check out the rest of her features. Jay eyes her neck and watched as she gulped. Apparently, she didn't remember the tequila.

"Tequila? Oh _God_. No wonder I feel like ass," Erin shot Jay a look, as though to blame him for how she felt.

Jay laughed again, hard this time almost as though he fought from throwing his head back. Then he steadied himself and rubbed the side of his face. "For what it's worth, you don't _look_ like ass."

Erin struggled not to grin, but felt her lips part and spread into a smile. Of course, she didn't know what to reply. She didn't need to.

Jay licked his upper lip. "Okay so I guess the open bar idea was kind of my fault." He looked down at the floor. "And I guess I wasn't completely honest with you about the whole thing," When he brought his face back to look at her, Erin noticed he actually looked a little guilty. He looked as though he was going to speak again, but was interrupted from a gurgling coming from Erin's stomach. His sincere look changed and he grinned. "You're hungry?"

"Yeah, I guess I should go and eat."

"You could eat here? The food is pretty whack but-"

She shook her head to interrupt him, taken back herself at her reaction. She'd been excited to see him again yet found herself declining the offer to eat. Perhaps it was the existence of her hangover, her body willing her to go home and go to bed.

"I should go. I actually have somewhere else to call before I go home." _Liar._

For a second, Erin thought she saw a sad look on Jay's face but he nodded his head quickly and dismissed it. He willed his body away from the railing and moved to open the door for her.

"Do you have a day off this week?"

She nodded. "Saturday. I'm off Saturday."

"Can I see you?" He raised an eyebrow. "You could make me that mac n cheese," he added.

"Are you inviting yourself over to my place? Ballsy," she laughed, half crapping herself in case he was serious.

As he held the door open, he lowered his head to hers and whispered in her ear. "Oh, absolutely."

The hairs on the back of her neck stood on edge. "We'll see," If he could tease, she could too. As she walked through the door she turned back towards him. The soldier was leaning against the window frame and in the dim light from the hallway, it wasn't hard for Erin to see his features. The perfect hairline, the deep green eyes and the ever so chiselled jawline. She let her eyes dance around his face for a minute. "I'll let you know." She waved, knowing she was leaving him clueless but she fully intended to invite him over. He just didn't need to know yet.

He almost shouted when she walked towards the car. "Thank you for last night. I…um….," His eyes seemed to widen and Erin noticed a glisten in them, but perhaps it was just the light. "Thanks."

Erin was unsure which part of the night he was thanking her for, but she grinned all the way home just the same. He hadn't even mentioned their kiss and yet, their small exchange on her way from the building had managed to make her entire day. What's more, she'd somehow agreed to play host and cook for him at the weekend.

She ran a bath as soon as she got back to the apartment, suddenly she felt exhausted. The hot water soothed her skin and she lay down with her head against the tub. Today had felt like it had lasted for hours and her eyes were drooping. When she was done, she collapsed into bed with a thud.

She somewhat hated herself for promising to put distance between them yet leaving with the desire of wanting to know him more than ever. Each time she set eyes on this soldier, she wanted to spend time with him, be with him just _see_ more of him. Whatever he said to her made her feel such a pushover.

Plus _now_ she'd have to brush up on the mac and cheese thing. She couldn't have him inviting himself over to be disappointed. She had two days, and she was going to try hard to back off from him a little. At least until she knew more about him, and what he was about. She didn't even know yet really _how_ his war experience had affected him. She was damn sure gonna find out.

 **Please Review!**


	8. Chapter 8

Erin's Friday morning seemed to past in a blur: it started off the same as all her days this week had started. She would get out of bed, instantly regretting not wearing much clothing to go to sleep in, pray for the shower to warm quickly and then get ready for work. It took her the usual ten minutes to drive to the District, then she'd make her way back the desk and up to Unit. This Friday, the weight of the week was starting to take a toll on her body and she was looking forward already to a weekend off. Once she got through today, she could finally relax.

They'd come to a head on the Brixton case, and he was currently in the Interrogation room with Hank. When Erin arrived, he was already being questioned and she didn't want to interrupt so took a seat at her desk. She noticed that the rest of the team were doing the same, the only individuals missing Hank and Alvin so she presumed he was accompanying the questioning downstairs. She made light conversation with the others whilst she waited for the computer to load up.

"What's going on?" She directed her question at nobody in particular, just wanting to be in the know of what was happening as they neared the end of the case.

"Hank's got him," Ruzek spoke first, looking up from his desk and over at Erin. He stood up from behind his computer, rubbing his palms together. "That calls for Molly's, right? _Surely._ " His gaze shifted around the room, waiting for the answer he wanted from the rest of the team.

"Count me in," Atwater joined with his enthusiasm.

"Yeah, I'll come for a couple." Antonio shouted from the opposite side of the room. "Erin?"

She laughed. "I guess I could come for a couple," Erin watched as Ruzek slammed a fist into the air, apparently satisfied with everybody's answers. He went back to his desk and not long after, Hank and Alvin returned to the upstairs area.

Hank headed straight towards his office but spoke as he strode. "We got him, he's going to prison." The other guys erupted into cheer and Erin watched as Voight came to a halt and sat on the edge of her desk. "What's your plans for tonight, kiddo?"

"We're headed to Molly's," Erin said, swivelling in her chair to face him. "I think the guys wanna celebrate catching Brixton."

"Yeah? I might come for one." He scratched his nose. "So I realized I've given you the weekend off. Don't know what I was thinking. You got plans?"

Immediately, at the mention of the weekend she went quiet. In a way, she wanted to be truthful with Hank and tell him what she had planned. Then again, she thought about keeping her personal life private. She wasn't even sure what was about to happen with her weekend, and telling Hank would make him read more into the situation. If she mentioned Jay, he'd tease her like a father figure would do. Plus, he _never_ asked what she was doing with her free days, so she was confused as to why he was asking now.

"Nothing in particular," Erin twisted her lip and chewed on her inner gum. "I am hanging out with Jay tomorrow, though." She was pissed that she could already feel her cheeks burning, the color probably rising up on her face. She looked over at her boss.

Hank had raised his eyebrows, standing from the desk. "You're _hanging out_ now? I'm pretty sure you should be getting paid for this, the amount of time you're spending with him." He ended his statement with a grin. His eyes narrowed as he looked at Erin's face again. "You seem to be spending a hell of a lot of time with this guy, you know you don't have to, right?"

"I know," She nodded, realizing that he was only looking out for her. "I figured I have to get to know him, if he's gonna open up to me." She found herself being more honest about the soldier than she thought she'd ever be with Hank. He didn't need to know that it was a mac and cheese date at her apartment though, some things she could keep to herself. Erin wasn't lying about the situation, she just kept away the fact that Jay would be in her home.

Hank nodded, seeming satisfied with what she'd said. "Okay Erin, just remember what I said to you the other night. Just, be careful."

It bothered her only a little bit that he kept telling her to 'be careful'. Somehow it made her think that perhaps he knew something she didn't, but then it couldn't be that because Hank didn't know the soldier. Perhaps it was the over protective instinct Hank had, which she kinda appreciated but sometimes it was annoying. Of course she was going to 'be careful': no matter how much her feelings for the soldier had heightened, she wasn't going to let herself make stupid decisions. He was simply coming over to her apartment for food, and she had hopes of him opening up to her.

When she realized the time, the day had gotten away from her and finally she was finished for the weekend, she stood from her desk and stood beside Hank. She grabbed his shoulder, in a reassurance that she wasn't about to do anything that would cause Hank to worry. "I'm always careful," She'd said it in a light-hearted tone, knowing her words would resonate with him if she said them. Erin made her way into the locker room to collect her belongings, and followed the rest of the team to the bar. She'd left the car and would head back for it in the morning.

A few drinks at Molly's proved to be what she needed at the end of her working week. Erin vowed to only stay for a few, and that's what she did. When she felt a little tipsy, she knew it was time to go. The walk home was the first time she'd really thought about Jay today, and that somehow surprised her. The past week she hadn't been able to get him off her mind, no matter how much she fought it.

She reached her apartment not long after 11pm, and she had every intention of going to bed so she could prepare herself for tomorrow evening. As she stripped herself from her work gear and changed into sweats, her cell phone buzzed from the bedside counter. She struggled into her sweats first then rushed over to pick it up.

"Hello?"

A familiar voice spoke up from the other end of the line. "Erin," the sound of her name rolled off his tongue. "Hey." His greeting sent a shiver down her spine and she threw herself onto the bed as she continued the conversation.

"Jay," Erin paused to smile, a grin so wide that she was glad he couldn't see it. "How are you?"

"Yeah I'm okay. How was work?"

Erin laughed. "I'm glad it's over," She shuffled position on her bed, in a bid to be more comfortable. She didn't want to sound rude, of course she wanted to talk to him but at the same time was curious as to why he was ringing. "Did you want something?"

"Are we still on for tomorrow?" Erin was glad he sounded hopeful.

She nodded at first, before realizing he could see her. "Yeah- I mean, if you're still free," Her attempt to make it sound like she wasn't that invested in him didn't work, and her voice came out in a stutter.

"Erin, I'm literally _always_ free." It was his turn to laugh and Erin heard him chuckle. "No, the reason I'm ringing? I realized I don't have your address. I kinda need that."

"Oh!" She reeled off her address and paused to give him the opportunity to write it somewhere.

"Perfect. I guess I'll see you tomorrow. Bye, _Erin."_

"See you tomorrow." She held the phone to her ear even after she heard the dial tone which signalled he'd hung up. Erin lay on top of her bed for a few more seconds before she finished her night-time routine and got into bed properly. She couldn't deny she was looking forward to tomorrow, she just hoped he was as enthusiastic as she was.

Although she wasn't at work, Erin had still set her alarm to wake her. Obviously not as early as 6am but she still felt like she had a lot to do. She had to drive to the food store, make the apartment look presentable and then get herself ready too. She rolled out of bed as the alarm sounded, pleasantly surprised by how refreshed she was feeling. Then again, she hadn't gotten as drunk as she had been at the ball and she was thankful that she felt ready for today.

Erin threw on some clothes, deciding to get a morning workout in by running to collect her car. She made it within a small space of time and then drove to the store. She cussed at herself for forgetting to make a shopping list, now she'd be trailing the aisles picking up all sorts she thought she would need for tonight. But she soon picked up all of her ingredients with ease and she headed towards the liquor aisle. If she didn't manage to impress him with her food, she'd have to pay him back for getting her so drunk the other night. But then Erin spent time contemplating which beverage to settle for.

Beer was what they'd drunk the last time, so she could be sure Jay liked it. It was a safe bet and she thought about taking some home just so she had them in the fridge.

Vodka said sophistication, and she already had a mix of spritzers she could combine with it. If Jay was a fan of vodka, she'd be able to make him something with a soda she already had in the apartment.

But, wine went with everything. And it also said _do me_.

Grinning to herself, she picked up a bottle of red wine then a white one just in case. She was perhaps being over-prepared but at least her guest would have choice when he arrived. As soon as she was done with the store, Erin headed home.

It took her a good couple of hours to tidy the apartment, but Erin didn't mind the chores. She turned the radio on for background noise and finished up in the kitchen. She wanted her apartment to look presentable, but thought she needed time to clean herself up too. She quickly prepped her food before she went into the bathroom to shower.

When she got out, she dried her hair straight away and spent a while standing in front of her closet. Was this a date? Did it count as a date? Part of her thought yes, part of her thought it was just a chance for the two to hang out. Still, she found herself wanting to look nice for him, he'd seen her both in her work uniform and in a dress so this was an opportunity for something in between. She picked out a pair of black jeans and a blouse, somewhat casual and somewhat chic. Erin headed into the bathroom and found her make up bag on the bottom shelf of the cabinet. She swore to herself that she had never wore make-up this often before. When she'd applied a little mascara and some lipstick she went back into the kitchen, checking the time as she did so.

They hadn't planned a time, but it was now 6.30 so she expected him at any time. When she had nothing left to do, Erin paced around the kitchen deciding what to do with herself. It was when she didn't know what to do that she found herself getting stressed.

Had she prepared the food properly?

Did she have the right kind of alcohol for tonight? What went the best with mac and cheese?

What time was he going to show up? What if he'd changed his mind? What if she'd made an effort, made too much of an effort and he cancelled?

When she heard the buzzer of the door going, her heart raced immediately. It brought her out of her thoughts and she padded across the carpet to reach the front hallway. Before she moved to unlock the door, she looked at herself in the mirror she had hanging in the hallway. In her mind she looked _okay_ , and the apartment looked presentable so it was a good start. She inhaled a deep breath and unlocked the door.

She was met with the familiar sea green eyes she'd come to recognize and they were the first thing she noticed as he stood on the step of her front door. Jay was leaning himself against her door frame, his head cocked to the side and a smile spread across his lips. Erin noticed he was wearing a suit jacket, his shirt unbuttoned one too many and lying open on the upper half of his chest. She was fully aware that she was checking him out which caused her to jump slightly when he spoke.

"Erin," the sound of his voice snapped her back to reality. "These are for you," She noticed then that he'd had a hand behind his back, but he presented it to her now with a bunch of daisies. She took them gently from his grip.

"They're lovely, you really didn't have to." She was conscious that he wasn't making any advance to come into her apartment. "You should come in." As nice as their greeting had been, she didn't want to spend the whole evening standing at the door. Erin moved to the side so there was room for him to fit between herself and the doorframe. When he made his way further into the apartment, she noticed his other hand wasn't empty either.

"I hope you don't mind," Jay saw her looking at the bottle of wine in his other hand. "I thought it would go nice with your mac and cheese."

"Wine is perfect," Erin grinned from beside him, but the apartment and its lighting were dim so he probably hadn't seen. She led him through into the lounge, sneaking a quick smell at the flowers as they walked into the room. "Are you hungry?"

"I'm starved actually," Jay took off his jacket and to Erin's delight revealed more of his physique through his dress shirt. His eyes shifted around the room, making Erin nervous before he made eye contact with her again. "I've been looking forward to this all day."

She wasn't sure if he was referring to the night as a whole, or her cooking but she took it as a compliment all the same. She smiled as she moved to leave the room temporarily to put the flowers in water and to grab them both a drink. "Do you want a beer?" She remembered she was holding the wine, he'd chosen a bottle of red to bring with him. "Or I could open this?"

Jay's eyes dropped to the bottle. "Save that for dinner," He took it upon himself to occupy a side of the couch. "Beer sounds good."

Erin nodded towards him and she scurried into the kitchen. Already, she could feel herself getting hot: he was in her _apartment_. She grabbed a glass of water for the flowers and then two beers from the fridge. Once she'd opened them, she headed back into the lounge. He was still in the same position as she'd left him, making himself comfortable on her couch. Jay leaned forward towards her as she presented him with a beer, and he thanked her.

Erin sat down on the couch next to him leaving a small space between their bodies. She figured she could drink the beer and then serve up their food: it would give her time for a conversation with him and perhaps the existence of his presence would eventually cause her heartrate to go back to normal.

"Did you find my place okay?" Erin struggled to strike up the conversation, but knew it would be fine once it was started.

Jay swigged from his beer before he responded. "I found it no problem," He was looking around the room again. "You've got a nice place."

"Thank you," He'd only just arrived and he seemed to be full of the compliments already. "I guess I like it." She giggled, she wasn't used to taking such compliments, so she wasn't sure how to react. "Should we move to the kitchen?" Erin stood from the couch, waiting for Jay to follow. Her stomach rumbled as she stood, and he laughed at it. "I guess I'm pretty hungry now too."

Jay followed so closely behind her that she could practically feel his body heat radiating onto her. She could practically inhale his scent too, it was musky and full of cologne and she liked it. He took a seat at her table as she moved towards the counter.

"It shouldn't be too long," she prepared the last of the food and grabbed plates from the cupboard. "Okay I know it's not much, but here." Once she'd sorted them into dishes, she presented the plate in front of him. Then she reached for two wine glasses, pouring carefully the wine Jay had brought with him.

"Oh, it smells amazing!" Jay seemed to be waiting patiently for her to join him at the table before he started eating.

Erin brought over the two wine glasses and sat opposite him at the table. As soon as her legs slid underneath she realized they collided with his own and she froze. It was the first time their bodies had come into contact properly since the night of the ball. Jay gave the impression that he noticed but he made no effort to move his legs, instead holding up his wine glass in a bid to cheers it with her own. Once she'd did so, he lowered the glass back onto the table and started eating his food. Although Erin was eating too, she tried hard to decipher through his facial expressions whether he was enjoying it or not. Sure, he appeared to relish in the food she'd prepared for him, but he'd told her that he was used to army gruel and _anything_ would taste good compared to that. She was still trying to work out his thoughts when he looked up at her.

"Erin, this is so good." He said, still with a mouth full of pasta. "I mean it, this tastes _amazing._ "

She laughed into her wine glass, the sound sending echoes around the room. "Really? You don't have to say that if you don't mean it," Her words highlighted that she wasn't used to receiving such compliments and she felt shy again all of a sudden. The mood lighting in the kitchen was easy for her to disguise the flush in her face and she was glad Jay may not be able to see.

"Trust me, I've tried my hardest to eat anything and everything since I returned home. This is _amazing_ ," he repeated, his grin spreading wide to reveal his pearly teeth. Between mouthfuls, Jay would drink more of the wine and Erin put the bottle in the middle of the table.

"I told you I wasn't a bad cook," She noticed he's cleared the plate entirely. "Did you want more?"

Jay shook his head. "I'm good," He stood up and put his plate onto the counter, sitting back down and pouring them both more wine.

It didn't take long for Erin to finish either, and she too removed her plate from in front of them. She didn't know what Jay intended to do for the rest of the evening but for now he seemed content with sitting at the kitchen table and slowly getting through the bottle of wine. She joined him again, noticing that the bottle was almost half empty already. And it was red wine, the strongest of the three and she knew it wouldn't take long for the alcohol to take its toll on her.

Jay rested his arms against the wooden table, occasionally sipping from his glass but spending the majority of the time looking at her. It felt like a while to her before he spoke.

"Tell me something about you, Erin." She wasn't sure where the question had come from, and she expressed confusion at first. When he saw the look on her face, he elaborated. "Something nobody else knows." His eyes narrowed as he continued to gaze into her eyes. "It's only fair, right? You get to know about me, surely I get to know about you."

Erin gulped, she wasn't interesting and she'd already told him that. The fact that he was asking such a thing right now made her want to internally panic. Erin knew he had a point: he probably had the right to know something about her if he was so open with her. She had a feeling, an inkling that things could get raw and personal.

Though she obviously had such a level of feelings for him that it made her heart ache, it still somewhat surprised her that she found herself willing to be so open with him. It was definitely something to do with the way he was looking at her; even given the low lighting in the room she could make out the mesmerizing color of his irises. The gazing seemed to be intense for him too, the size of his pupils had more than doubled with the way he was looking at her.

Erin shifted in her seat a bit, resting her arms on the table like Jay's already were. If he wanted to know something that she'd never told anybody else, she'd have to go deep.

"I…I" She found herself stuttering at first, knowing it was probably the first time the words were about to leave her mouth. "I guess I wasn't always destined to be a police officer. I've got a bad past behind me," suddenly she couldn't bring herself to look at him, her eyes dancing around the patterns on the table cover as she continued. Then, another sip of wine, the liquid running surprisingly quickly down her throat. "My life seemed to spiral out of control in my teenage years. I was deep into a drug problem, drinking all the time and falling in with the wrong crowds. I couldn't see a way out of it," Her voice was shaky and it took everything in her to try and keep it under control. "Then Hank saved me," She recalled talking to Jay about Hank briefly before, but explained who he was just in case. It was a few minutes before Jay said anything, and she knew automatically that the story she'd shared left him wondering what to say.

Before he spoke, Erin noticed he's moved his hand slowly towards her own and his finger was drawing gentle outlines on the back of her hand. Perhaps it was Jay's way of comfort but whatever it was, Erin appreciated it.

"I'm so glad that you got out of it," Jay eventually found the words to say and Erin found the courage to look at him again. He was offering a sympathetic look, one that made her heart ache even more if it could. "You're so brave."

"Please, you're the brave one." Another sip of her wine, by now the glass was almost empty. "I can't even begin to imagine what you've been through."

He was silent, but Erin was witness to the pained expression that had gathered on his face.

"I've never talked about it with anybody." Jay's voice was a little louder than a whisper, almost as though these words had never left his mouth either. He looked down at their wine glasses, noticing they were empty. He parted their hands to fill the glasses again, the red liquid making a gurgling noise as it swirled around the glasses. "I feel like half of me is still stuck there in that place." He took a large gulp of his wine. "Sometimes I feel like it's too much for me, the things that happened there… the things I was bear witness to-"

"Jay-"

"I was there when Graham got killed, I _saw_ it. That kind of thing stays with you forever. I saw it, I saw the life drain out of his body. I was the one who attempted to drag him back to base camp but I knew he was gone. I c…I can never forgive myself."

Erin listened intensely as he recalled the memory, she could see the pain it was causing him in his eyes and in his face. She didn't know if he was finished with the story but she watched as it got to him, and he raised himself from the chair and leaned against the kitchen counter.

"Jay-"

He sighed, a deep one. "Hey, you don't have to say anything. I've never let myself talk about this before, so I guess I… I should just thank you for listening." He watched as Erin rose from the chair herself, making her way around to the other side of the table so she could join him. "I guess I put up this front, I have ever since I got back. I suppose I push the thought of it to the back of my mind and not let myself think about it. I just feel so .. _naked_." As Erin narrowed the gap between them, he reached for one of her hands. "With you, it just feels different. This pain I have that's built up inside me, you help it somehow. It helps that you're here, it helps that you know." Of course he knew he hadn't told her _everything_ yet, but there was time for that.

Before any more words left his mouth, he realized Erin's body was incredibly close to his own- as close as they'd danced, as close as they'd been when he'd kissed her. And he had the overwhelming urge to do it again. He prayed that she wouldn't back away from him, as he tenderly slid his free hand along the side of her face. Her cheek was surprisingly warm, and he caressed her cheekbone with the tip of his fingers. Jay inched his face closer and closer to her own, becoming aware that she wasn't trying to back away from him. In the shadows of the dimly lit kitchen, his lips found hers and he groaned quietly as he felt her arms snaking slowly around the nape of his neck. Jay allowed himself to bite on her lip, a way of asking for access into the crevices of her mouth. She didn't hesitate to oblige, and the kiss deepened, their tongues dancing around each other in a slow and passionate rhythm.

Erin unexpectedly felt the air go light around her, realizing Jay was boosting her up towards the counter. Her ass came into contact with the counter worktop with a thud, and she messily wrapped her slender legs around his waist. She did it in a bid to pull him closer, although that was somewhat impossible given how close their two bodies already were. She released her grip from his neck with one of her hands, allowing it to travel and roam around his chest. Erin tugged on the material of his shirt, working quickly but carefully to unfasten the buttons that were currently closed. She managed to make swift work of the studs, stealing a glance as she popped them open and pushed the material of the shirt away and off his shoulders. Closing her eyes to kiss him again, she couldn't help but notice the amount of scars and scratches she felt beneath her fingers: they seemed to dominate over the other areas of skin.

Seconds later she found herself being hoisted up again, Jay's hands travelling down the smalls of her back and reaching for her ass. She groaned slightly as he picked her up from the counter and began to carry her through the kitchen. She opened her eyes and broke their lips apart when he came to a halt, in the place she imagined to be her hallway. When she opened her eyes, she realized that was where they were.

He spoke hastily, half through gritted teeth and Erin wondered if it was his alcohol intake or if it was because he was so turned on. "Where's your bedroom?"

"Oh," She giggled, realizing he didn't have a clue which room was which. "Second to…the left." Erin nestled her head against his neck as he almost ran with her in his arms. When he reached the door it was almost as though he didn't care if he broke the damn thing, shoving it open with his elbows so they made it into the room quickly. Though the room was in darkness, Jay soon found the bed. His knees collided with the frame of Erin's bed and he gently lowered her onto the mattress. He shredded himself of the rest of his clothes, balancing his body just above her own. Once he'd kissed her deeply again he allowed his lips to travel the distance of her body, disregarding each item of clothing as he got to it. Jay heard the soft whimpers escaping from Erin's lips as he unclasped the front hook of her bra then slid her pants down her naked slender legs.

"Fuck," Erin's breathless whispers only turned him on even more. "Oh God, oh God oh _God."_

* * *

It wasn't light, meaning it wasn't morning so Erin struggled to figure out why she was awake. She opened her eyes first, but the pitch black surrounding shocked her because she thought she'd slept through. Her eyes went wide in the darkness as she recalled the events of her evening. She wasn't accustomed to it being so cold, obviously she was never awake at this time for a reason. She allowed herself to smile and turned around to see if Jay was awake too.

The other side of the bed was empty.

Erin strained her hearing, she couldn't hear any noise coming from the bathroom and as far as she could tell, the other rooms in her apartment sounded deserted.

She thought that perhaps she was being deceptive, it was dark after all, so she stretched out an arm to feel along the opposite side of the bed. It was indeed empty, the covers pulled up to the cushions.

She'd thought their night had gone so well, everything from their meal to the wine drinking and they'd ended up making love in her bed. She thought it had been what he wanted, he'd made the first move and then went on to carry her to the bedroom and essentially bring to life the dream she'd had about him not long ago. She'd thought he'd still be there when she woke in the morning, and whatever had happened they could discuss and move further forward.

So why was she staring at an empty half of the bed?

Why had he left?

 **Please Review!**


	9. Chapter 9

No matter how hard she tried that night, Erin couldn't get to sleep. She tossed and she turned in every direction possible but she just couldn't fall into slumber. For what seemed like forever, she lay awake staring at her ceiling in total blackness. Waves of shivers kept overcoming her body causing her to curl into a ball, her arms wrapped around her knees.

She wasn't going to cry, she couldn't allow herself to do that. She wasn't a child and she didn't want to feel sympathy for herself. That didn't take away the pain she was feeling, the pain she wanted to push to the back of her mind. In reality, she felt numb and she also felt used a little.

Half of her felt she didn't have a right to feel like this, the night had just _happened_ and she could feel pissed all she liked, but he didn't have an obligation to stay. He didn't have a duty to remain at her apartment. The other half of knew Jay was in the wrong: he couldn't just come to her apartment, dine with her, have sex with her and then leave her in the middle of the night. Especially with no explanation of him doing so, she was awake now in an empty bed with no Jay. No note. No texts. And no missed calls.

Eventually, she must have fallen asleep. Erin woke up with the sunlight streaming in through the window, obviously closing the drapes in her bedroom was the last thing on her mind last night. She turned over to shield her eyes from the light and pulled the covers up over her head. She didn't feel ready to face the world yet, so promised herself an extra half an hour before she even attempted to get out of bed. She didn't fall back to sleep though, rather staring at nothing under the blanket. Erin felt like she was in a daze, thanked God it was Sunday and soon forced herself up out of her hiding place.

On bad days she'd had in the past, showers had always made her feel better. Erin lugged her body through into the bathroom and turned the shower to hot. It felt like she was in there for a lifetime, but it helped to calm her. Once she was out, she didn't have the will at all to get ready with effort and simply shoved on sweatpants and a hoodie.

She didn't feel like eating either, but knew there would still be mess in the kitchen that she had to tidy. Erin slowly padded across the carpet into the kitchen, opening the door and just staring at the scene for a bit. Her eyes automatically travelled to the kitchen counter as the memories of last night filled her brain. She could almost feel the way her butt had come into contact with the kitchen counter, with some force but she'd like it. She recalled the way he'd caressed her face with both of his hands and the way she'd torn away his shirt because she'd had the overwhelming desire to touch his skin. Her eyes clocked the leftover food from the previous night, the rest of it still in a pan above the stove. It kinda made her feel sick now so she moved to pour the remaining contents into the trash. Their wine glasses were still situated on the table, hers with a slight lipstick mark around the rim. Erin half thought about taking her feelings out on the glasses, getting visions of herself smashing one of them onto the floor. She sighed, knowing she'd just have to clean it up and placed the glasses into the sink. She didn't feel like cleaning them up at the minute, the last thing she wanted to do was clean.

Erin went into the lounge and practically threw herself onto the couch. She didn't even feel like leaving the house today and she wasn't going to if it wasn't a necessity. Erin reached for the TV control and scanned quickly through the channels. There was nothing in particular that caught her interest but she picked a random channel to put on so she wasn't sitting in silence. Although the TV was on, her mind was totally worlds away from watching it. She stared at the box but it was as though the images were going right through her and she wasn't concentrating on them at all.

She was totally pissed at herself for feeling this way, there was a reason why she _knew_ she shouldn't fall for guys so quickly. And she'd forgotten the pain it brought her, not having been with a guy in so long. Yet, she hadn't envisioned Jay to be the type to just ditch her, especially given the chemistry she'd thought was present between the two. It just didn't feel right that he'd left without saying anything.

Erin sat in front of the TV for a few hours, still not having any idea as to what was happening onscreen. She couldn't recall the last time she'd felt this numb, and the last time she did it definitely wasn't for this reason. she was half contemplating calling Hank, not to tell him what happened last night of course but to take her mind from Jay and see if her boss was doing anything today. Then she remembered that she was the only member of the Intelligence Unit who'd been given the whole weekend off, and most of the team would be at the District ready to work a case.

She didn't ring Hank, but she went to retrieve her cell anyway from her bedroom. When she checked the screen, she did have messages but none from the person she really expected a message from. There was one from Hank, simply asking how her evening had turned out and a couple from online stores giving her offers on what was in stock. She thought about texting Hank but she didn't know what to tell him in the message: usually they had hardly any secrets between them, and Erin knew if she told him the truth with this matter that he would turn on Dad-mode and do something about it. Something that wouldn't end well for the other party involved: Jay.

Erin decided to fabricate the truth, telling Hank in a simple message that her night had gone okay, nothing in particular had happened. She felt slightly guilty for lying to him but with the alternative being _Yeah, we made out on my kitchen counter and then slept together in my room_ she decided lying was the best option for now. If what had happened was going to affect her work life, then she had time to tell Hank the truth in the future.

Her stomach rumbling served as a reminder that she hadn't eaten all day so she wondered into the kitchen. She didn't feel hungry but the growling from her insides told her a different story. Plus, she didn't have the will to cook anything so reached for some chips and went back into the lounge. It was about 5pm when her cell phone started to ring. She thought about ignoring it, not wanting to talk to anybody but her eyes went wide as she saw the caller ID.

It was Jay.

Erin stared at the screen until the ring tone stopped. The screen turned black for a few moments but then the ringing started again. The tone was drilling into her ears and she wanted to make it stop. If she pressed the reject button though, he'd know she was near the phone. She flicked the switch on the silent button and tried to focus on the TV. After a while she looked at the phone again and saw she had a further 7 missed calls. And there was a voice message that she couldn't bring herself to listen to. Erin didn't even bother to unlock the phone, glaring out of the corners of her eyes until the display went black again.

After a while, she furrowed her brow. She wasn't going to ignore the call if he rang back, she deserved an answer. And she wanted to know why he'd deserted her so in the middle of the night, especially given what had happened beforehand. She felt the urge to confront him and she felt like she had the will to do so when he called the next time. He didn't call again though.

It was only around 6, but Erin really didn't want to be in the lounge she wanted to be in bed. She could catch up on her sleep and pull herself together for going back to work tomorrow. The rain outside was heavy and that would probably help her get to sleep, it was one of her favorite things falling asleep to the sound of raindrops drumming against the window pane. It was a drastic change to the sunlight that had woken her this morning. She turned off the TV set and grabbed her phone, intending to make herself a glass of water before she retreated to her room. Once she was there, she wasn't going to be coming out again.

As she stepped over the threshold of the lounge doorframe, she thought she heard a tap on the door of her apartment. She put it down to something colliding against the material of the door and turned away, only to hear it again. Then, a third time: this time she heard the sound of knuckles colliding with the door. Erin did _not_ feel like speaking to anybody but whoever it was, they were persistent. With a deep sigh she heaved her heavy body towards the door and undid the lock. The bad thing about her apartment was that she didn't have a peephole, so she had no way of knowing who it was before she opened the door. She opened the door only an inch at first to be met with the face she was totally apprehensive about seeing.

She got that it was raining but Jay looked as though he'd walked through Niagara Falls and back. Then probably there and back a second time. He was looking at the floor, and he slowly raised his head up to her when he heard the clasp of the door open.

The scowl on her face told him his actions from the previous night were going had consequences and it utterly made him feel more shit than he already did. He stood looking at her for a second before he found the courage to speak.

"I've been walking around in the rain for a good hour, wondering how to say this to you. Then I thought the best thing to do is to be completely honest with you." He paused to wipe away drops of rain that had fallen onto his face. He wasn't surprised he was still standing in the rain, not shocked at all that Erin hadn't invited him in.

"First of all, let me start off by saying last night was incredible. _You_ are incredible," Even with the compliment, the look didn't lift from her face and he could still only see half of her. It was like she was shielding herself away from him, and he didn't blame her in the slightest. If he was in Erin's position, he'd hate himself too. "I haven't had a night like _that_ in so long. And I'm not just talking about the end of the night. The night in its entirety was amazing and you have no idea how much I needed it." Jay shifted his weight onto his other foot. The rain, to his delight, was easing off a little but not as much as he needed it to. "Nobody else knows about the things I told you last night, and I'm so glad you opened up to me too. I feel… like an absolute asshole."

Erin didn't make any effort to widen the door or move but she raised her eyebrows. Clearly he was voicing what she was thinking. He continued.

"There's a reason why I have Mark as my roommate." Jay looked at Erin but she kept averting her eyes. He couldn't tell if she had tears in her eyes or if it was backlash from the rain but he hoped it was the second. He couldn't bear to see her cry, especially given the fact it would be his fault. "He's a trained medic and he's a tough guy." He wiped his face again, although it wasn't doing much: the water was running the length of his body. "When I came back from live duty, I didn't come back alone. I thought that would be the end of my experience and everything would be fine. I thought I'd be able to separate my life on duty from my new life at home. My war life haunts me Erin, It haunts me every single night. I have night terrors _every_ night, I lash out. I scream. I punch. I try to kick things that aren't there. I wake up and think I'm still over there. And I hate it, I can't get away from it." He noticed her expression had relaxed by the tiniest fraction, she no longer offered him the toughest scowl. Now it was more of a frown and he was glad, there could be nothing worse than her not wanting to speak to him. Nothing worse in the world.

"I know I _know_ this is no excuse for the way I left you last night. I just, I didn't want to scare you. I don't want you to see me like that, _ever_. I couldn't ruin our-" Jay struggled to find a word to describe what went down last night. " _date._ I couldn't stay in that bed with you and risk falling asleep, only to wake you by throwing a punch at you or scream at you and terrify you. You don't deserve to see that, you're the one that offered to help me-"

"Exactly," she whispered, and Jay struggled to hear her over the sound of the rain that was still falling. She'd shifted position and Jay could see that they were actually tears and it wasn't the rain.

"Erin," he felt like he could actually feel his heart aching, it troubled him a lot that he'd caused her to cry. "You have no idea how sorry I am. I hate that I left you like that-"

She seemed to find her voice. "And you couldn't leave a simple note or text me? You have my number," Her tone was like a mixture of anger and sadness and all Jay wanted to do was hold her in a tight embrace. She was still hiding well behind the door though, Jay could only really see her face and not her body in its entirety.

"I wasn't thinking straight, it's not an excuse I know. What had just happened between us was the only thing on my mind, I didn't even think about trying to find the stuff to leave you a note. And now I feel the worst about it because you've been alone all day and it's all my fault." He ran a hand through his hair, immediately regretting it as the droplets of water sprayed all over his face. "I would have loved nothing more than to wake up beside you, please believe me. But I couldn't risk losing it all over one of my stupid night terrors. They're embarrassing and occur whenever they want, you could have been subject of one of my worst ones. I can't control them and I hate that I can't. Just please, don't hate me. Don't give up on this just yet. I have to work on this, I have to work on _me._ I hate that it came between us," Jay finally edged closer towards the door, pleased and slightly shocked that she didn't try and slam the door in his face.

"I…I," Erin tried to think of something to respond but no words come to her. _God, she hated that she was so forgiving!_ Even given what happened last night, she didn't want to turn him away. Warily and ever so slowly, she took a step back into her apartment only opening the door wide enough for him to squeeze through.

Jay didn't hesitate to follow her but he did so at a cautious pace, being careful not to get too close to her. He had no idea yet if she was going to forgive him or slap him in the face. He took the action of being invited into the apartment as a good sign, but didn't walk any further in. He watched as she shut the door, and then turned back around to face him.

Erin still found that she couldn't think of what to say. She stared at him though, thankful that he'd obviously told her the truth about why he'd left all of a sudden. And she was thankful that he was truthful about the whole thing but she still didn't know what to say to him. To her surprise though, she found that her face was still damp from tears. She wasn't a crier either, so the whole thing had obviously affected her more than she'd wanted it to. They were the tears that threatened to fall this morning, the one's she'd fought to hide and put to the back of her mind. Now though, seeing him and remembering the night as a whole she couldn't stop them.

He was so pained to see them. "Erin," she shook her head towards him and let it fall so she was looking towards the floor. Jay took the smallest step towards her, his wet boots squeaking as he did so and therefore breaking the silence. He outstretched one of his hands towards her face and curled his index finger underneath her chin. "Hey," When his action caused her face to look up again, he moved his hand gently to the side of her face. He was ultimately surprised that she didn't try to swat his hand away, instead she seemed to sink into his grip. Jay felt the tension in her face soften as he caressed her skin, the smoothness of her cheekbones feeling super tender underneath his fingers. "Please don't cry, I can't go through seeing you like this," He was aware of the level of emotion in his own voice and he fought to keep it at bay. Jay moved his fingers closer to where her eyes were, fighting to wipe the tears away.

She sniffed then, in a bid to follow his request and stop crying. Then Jay thought he saw the faintest glimpse of a half-smile behind her expression and he relaxed a little bit. Still, he didn't move his hand away, refusing to break their contact for a minute.

"Thank you for telling me," She was whispering again, but at least Jay could hear her better now he wasn't outside in the rain any longer.

"Of course. I had every intention of telling you, my timing is just _shit._ " Jay finally dropped his hand from her face and watched as she lifted her head to match his gaze. He watched as Erin fidgeted with the cuffs of her sweater, obviously unsure what to do with herself. "Erin," He became aware that he was addressing her with her name a lot but he couldn't help it, it just seemed to roll from his tongue. "There's no way I'll be able to cope if you give up on this. I feel…" Jay sucked in on his breath. "I feel like I could fall in love with you."

He'd expected it to surprise her and she almost fell forward in shock. Obviously she had wanted to hear that at some point, but he didn't know that. Erin steadied her footing and stared at him.

"Did you just-"

He smiled. "You heard me." He repeated himself again, this time in a whisper. " _I feel like I could fall in love with you_."

She eventually offered him one of her smiles, the ones he'd fallen in love with already and he took it as a sign that he may not be forgiven for last night but she wasn't about to give up on them just yet.

"I have an idea," Jay gazed at her, elated inside that her anger didn't appear to be there anymore. "I know I screwed up big time, I have to make it up to you. Let me take you on a _real_ date this time, sometime next week." He took it upon himself to kiss the top of her head, wanting nothing more than to place on her lips but didn't. "Please, say you're down?"

Erin seemed to think for a second, unable to believe that an hour ago she'd wanted nothing more to do with the guy.

"Okay," she nodded towards him, reinforcing her words with her head movement. "Okay."

 **I'm so sorry this chapter isn't as long as the others but sooo many people have asked me to upload so I thought I'd put this up already :)**

 **Please Review!**


	10. Chapter 10

In the biggest contrast to last night, Erin managed to sleep right through until Monday morning and by the time she woke up, she felt ready to go back to work. The alarm going off early shook her out of slumber and she wasted no time in getting ready for her working day.

Her Sunday had ended much better than she'd anticipated that morning. Until Jay had showed, it felt like the longest day of her life. She'd totally envisioned not being able to even get out of bed this morning because she would still be in a bad mood. He'd managed to change that, just by explaining.

She was angry at him for leaving without saying anything but she also wanted, _needed_ , to give him another opportunity to make it up to her. Although he'd left her in the dark, she wasn't ready for this to be the last time they saw one another. So she'd agreed to a proper date with him this time, on Friday. Still she vowed to spend the week dedicated to her Detective work and leave him out of her work space. Even though she hadn't managed to stop thinking about him the last time she tried to do so.

He'd left not long after his speech last night. Part of her had wanted him to stay, but then she had remembered the previous night. Erin didn't feel ready for him to be in her apartment again overnight, in case the same thing happened again. So, he'd left not long after with the promise of picking her up at 7 on Friday night.

Although she'd had a good sleep, the words that he'd left her with were etched into her memory.

 _I feel like I could fall in love with you_.

It was such a simple sentence and he'd said it so casually but it seemed it was exactly what she needed to hear. What made it better was that he looked like he _meant_ it. His phrase was still the dominant thing in her mind when she jumped out of bed to shower. She thought about it as she rinsed the bubbles from her body and watched the lather float down the plughole.

 _I feel like I could fall in love with you._

 _I feel like I could fall in love with you._

Erin hoped to God she wasn't reading too much into it, because nobody had ever said anything like that to her before.

She got dressed quickly, grabbed her cell, badge and gun and made her way to work. It felt like a lifetime ago since she was last at work even though it had just been the weekend. Erin uttered her greetings to the patrolmen downstairs and then made her way to her desk. She wasn't the first one in this morning, but she wasn't the last either. Which was always a bonus, considering her time keeping last week.

"Linds," Ruzek bent his head around the doorframe of the break room. "Coffee?"

"Please," She'd felt ready for the working day when she'd woke up, but she'd also left the apartment without her caffeine fix. She could get that now. Whilst waiting for her coffee, Erin went into the locker room to leave her stuff in her cubby. Her coffee was waiting for her when she returned and she took it gratefully.

She'd only just returned to her desk when Hank came out of his office. Her desk was on the way to the briefing board, so he stopped there temporarily.

"Nice weekend?"

She didn't want to get into it. "Yep," There was no way she was getting into what happened between her and Jay, not when he was getting the opportunity to make it up to her later in the week. If that was gonna go well, Hank didn't _need_ to know what had went down on Saturday. Erin shifted the attention to work. "Alright, what do we have today?"

"Drugs bust," Hank retreated from her desk and turned the conversation to the whole team. Erin clenched her fist in elation under her desk, they were secretly her _favorite_ cases. She watched as Hank headed towards the opposite side of the room, towards the board they used for briefing. "I only have a couple of leads though, and I have no idea how reliable they are. It's up to you guys to figure out if anybody is lying to me."

Erin watched as Hank talked them through the day's assignment, telling them the details he already knew. He paired the other members of the team off with each other, then turned towards her.

"Erin, you're with me today. Get suited up."

She nodded at him then made her way to the locker room. Her and Hank were the only two having to get changed, the rest of them heading out in their normal gear. Erin didn't mind at all, it had actually been a while since she'd partnered with Hank considering he usually worked alone or with Alvin. She was glad he'd chosen her, for whatever they were about to do.

When she opened the locker for her change of clothes, she noticed the vibration of her cell. Erin contemplated ignoring it, knowing she had to prepare for her afternoon but it kept constantly buzzing so she eventually picked it up and held it to her ear. She continued trying to get ready though, holding the cell to her ear between her shoulder and cheekbone.

"Hello?"

"Erin," She was familiar with his voice now, but the hairs on her body still tingled when he said her name. The feeling that travelled up her spine made her temporarily stop getting ready. She stood next to her locker listening to him speak, but he must have heard her bustling. "What are you up to?"

For a second, she didn't bring up the fact she'd told him not to call at work. "I'm getting changed and gearing up," Erin paused and she heard his sharp intake of breath. _Perv._ She slowly began taking her vest from its hanging place. "We got a drugs bust."

She listened as Jay exhaled deeply. "Damn, that sounds rough. Are you okay?"

"Jay, I'm _fine_. You don't have to check up on me while I'm at work." Secretly though she loved to hear his voice, even if she'd promised to not speak to him or of him while she was working.

"I know, but I wanted to. And I guess, I .. just wanted to hear your voice."

Erin smiled into the phone, wishing he could see her expression. "Well I appreciate that, but you can't be calling me at work I _told_ you."

"Hey, you picked up the phone." His tone had turned cocky.

"Well.. I.. That's not the point-" She heard footsteps headed towards the room so hushed to a whisper. "I have to go, did you need something?"

"Do I get to see you before Friday? Or do I have to wait until then?" He spoke as Erin rushed to change.

She'd promised herself that she'd focus on work this week. Then she could have the weekend to hang with Jay. But as he spoke, she got a sense of yearning in his voice. And she realized she had agreed to be there for him, before anything else had happened. Then again, her job _had_ to be the main priority in her life, at least for the moment.

"I don't know, Jay. It depends how well this case goes," Erin stopped, realizing shed was trying to argue something she didn't belief. "Unless you needed to talk or anything, are you okay?" She noticed she hadn't asked him yet how he was feeling, and she felt like kicking herself for leaving it so late into the conversation. Perhaps it was because she was apprehensive about his answer. She didn't have time to say anything else, as Hank came into her view. "I have to go, I'll call you later." Erin disliked how hasty she'd had to hang up, but she also didn't want to finish the conversation in front of Hank. She disliked even more that she hadn't given Jay the opportunity to tell her he _was_ okay.

Hank frowned as he watched her throw the cell into the locker and close it. "Everything okay?" She'd thrown it in there with some haste.

"Yup fine," Whatever it was, she didn't want to talk about it. "Let's go." Erin strode out of the room at a quick pace heading towards Hank's Jeep.

She stared out of the window as Hank drove to the address. It was somewhat annoying and she hated, _hated_ that thinking about Jay made her so distracted at work. This time though it was perhaps her turn to take blame. She'd ended the call in such a rush when he'd been decent and called her. Even though she'd reinforced the point of not disrupting her work ethic, she blamed herself for being abrupt and not waiting for an answer from him.

The soldier didn't disappear from her mind all day and she was frightened Hank could tell something was up. If anything, she thought about him more in her work day than she ever had before. She tried to push him from her mind when Hank and herself questioned people of the neighborhood. Erin felt like she had her thoughts to herself whilst they were inside the residents' houses, but as soon as they returned to Hank's car she found herself hung up on Jay again.

When they returned to the district, Hank shut off the engine and quickly turned to her before she had the opportunity to get out of the car.

"Erin, whatever's on your mind.. is it something I should be worried about?" His expression was one of genuine concern. "You were totally distracted back there."

She knew she was guilty of letting her personal life conflict her work atmosphere, something she'd promised herself not to do. "It's nothing, I promise. I'm sorry, I think I just need an early night or something. I'll be fine tomorrow." Erin glanced at him through the corners of her eyes.

He didn't look convinced but at the same time, knew she wouldn't want to be pushed. Hank simply nodded and moved to exit the vehicle, Erin doing the same.

With her working day over, she thought the best thing to do was head to the gym. For Erin, exercising usually proved a good distraction and she could focus on running instead of anything else. She ran back to her locker to collect her things and then drove to the gym.

Erin was relieved to figure out that she was right. Once she'd set a pace on the treadmill, she was able to essentially shut the world from her mind. She felt like she ran for miles, the sweat dripping from every inch of her body. It felt good to have temporary freedom from her thoughts. When she'd ran for 40 minutes, she felt like going home.

She made her way back to the car, and sat before starting the engine. _She really should call him back_. Erin tossed the idea back and forth in her mind, finally deciding that she should. Her working day was over now, it was her personal time and she felt it was the right thing to do.

Jay answered on the third ring. "Oh _finally_ she calls me back," he laughed.

Erin was totally relieved he didn't sound pissed. His greeting caused her to laugh too. "Hi," she started the engine of the car, the call automatically transferring to her hands-free. "Listen, I'm sorry about before. I shouldn't have ended your call like that-"

"Hey, it's okay. I shouldn't have called you at work." He paused for a second and Erin realized how audible her breathing from her gym activities was. This time, he didn't comment. "I just wanted to tell you something."

His comment intrigued her. "Which is?"

"Well it's not even that I big of a deal I mean I guess I-"

"Jay." She struggled to make sense of his rambling.

"Last night, Mark told me. I, I slept through."

Erin was uncertain at first what he was talking about. Slept through? She slowed the car at the corner of her street, turning and getting nearer to her apartment. Then her eyes grew wide. "Wait, do you mean-"

"No nightmares. I didn't wake him by lashing out or screaming or whatnot." Erin obviously couldn't see him, but she sensed that he was smiling. "Listen, I know it's not much but-"

"Are you kidding? Jay, this is amazing." And she'd meant it. Whatever meds he was on, finally were functioning and she couldn't help but be happy about it. Her mood was probably very evident in her tone. "Honestly, I'm so happy for you."

He chuckled. "Well, it's a start I guess. I can't say for sure if they're gone for good yet, maybe last night was just a one-off. Maybe it was because last night, I dreamt of _something else._ "

Erin noticed how he emphasized the final two words and felt her cheeks blush. She pulled up to her apartment and transferred the call back to her cell. She couldn't help but realize he was downplaying his achievement: he'd _slept through_ for the first time since he'd returned from his duties. To her, it meant the world: if this was the start of his recovery, she wanted to cry with happiness.

She didn't say it aloud but she hoped she'd had input. She knew how much their time together meant to her and hoped it meant the same to Jay. Erin knew she'd not spoken in a few seconds but his last phrase still whirled around in her brain.

"You are still there, right?" His voice had a tinge of nervousness about it, and she smiled.

"Yeah, I'm still here." She unlocked the door and locked it again behind her. She dumped her belongings on the floor of the hallway, going into the lounge and collapsing on the couch.

"Good. So I was thinking, I might just see you Friday. I have some stuff to sort and plus, that way I can look forward to seeing you even more."

Erin giggled. "That's true," In a way she felt relief, she could focus on her job without having him dominating her mind. "It doesn't stop you messaging me though, if you need anything." She realized she still had a duty, she'd agreed to be there for him first as a confidant before anything else.

"Thanks Er," He wasn't to know it was the nickname everybody called her, but she felt something when it came from him. "Then I'll pick you up at 7. See you Friday."

"Bye Jay." She couldn't wipe the grin from her face even after she hung up the phone.

* * *

Her week passed by her quickly and she couldn't help but think it was because she was so excited for Friday evening.

With the rest of the team and Hank, they'd managed to apprehend the drug smugglers early on Friday, which had automatically put her in a good mood. There was no better feeling than catching the guys responsible, and watching as Hank made them pay.

She hadn't spoken to Jay a lot after Monday evening, aside from a few texts they had exchanged Erin hadn't heard from him much. It made her all the more excited to see him finally, it felt like a lifetime ago that they were last in each other's presence. The fact that their date was tonight caused her to escape from the District as soon as the clock hit 5. Once she was home, it left her little over an hour to get ready.

It was the shower and drying of her hair that took the least time, the most of it taken up with deciding what to wear. Jay hadn't given any indications on where he planned to take her, so she didn't even know the dress code. Obviously she didn't expect it to reach the level of formality of the ball she'd accompanied him to, but it meant a further opportunity to look good for him.

In the end, and after much more deliberation than she cared to admit to, she opted for an above the knee blue dress that she could match with her nicest accessories. Erin pulled the material over her head, using both hands to untuck the curls that got stuck when she did so. She went into the bathroom next, pulling out the make-up from its hiding place. She'd used the contents of it more times in the last month that she ever had before. It wasn't her style to over-do it, instead she lightly smoothed color over her cheeks and added a small amount of mascara onto her eyelashes. She reached for her favorite lipstick, dabbing it onto her lower lip before rubbing the other one on top of it. Erin returned the small bag of contents to its shelf and closed the cabinet, keeping out the lipstick to accompany her evening.

Erin shut off the bathroom light and headed back into the bedroom. She sprayed herself with perfume and chose some shoes from the closet. The over-shoulder bag she'd selected already contained what she needed for the evening and she soon made her way into her lounge to wait.

She couldn't decide whether she felt nervous, or whether the somersaults her insides were doing was excitement to see him. Perhaps it was a bit of both, she honestly had no idea what to expect from the night. Jay had done an excellent job of keeping her in the dark and she felt more than ready to see him. To give him this chance to redeem himself for last Saturday, although part of her felt like he didn't need to.

The knock at her door confirmed it _was_ nerves. Erin took the biggest breath and walked towards the door, pulling it back and revealing who she wanted to see.

"Hi," she toyed with the strap of her purse as she looked at him.

It felt as though he was staring into her soul. "Hey," Jay was leaning against her doorframe, apparently the thing he liked to do when he turned up at her apartment. "You look…. _good._ " His eyes travelled the length of her body, taking in the nakedness of her legs before gradually working their way up the dress and towards her face. Jay's pupils danced the shape of her face before their eyes connected.

"You too." She smiled at him, knowing she meant it. He _did_ look good. He was dressed in jeans and a black shirt, the top two buttons left open to reveal part of his upper chest. Erin couldn't help but to connect the image with a scene from Saturday night: when she'd taken it upon herself to strip him of his shirt and allowed her hands to explore the skin of his chest. His arms were further covered with a blazer jacket, his hands tucked into the pockets of it. Erin noticed the stubble around his jaw was growing, she didn't doubt it would turn into a full grown beard if he left it. His hair was slicked back with gel, the chocolate brown strands locked into place. Before he spoke Jay offered her a signature grin, his lips parting and widening to reveal his perfectly white teeth.

"We should go," Jay raised his eyebrows, noticing she was checking him out the way he had her and he offered a hand to help her down the front steps. His skin was warm on Erin's touch. He pulled the door closed as she walked into the air, watching as her curls moved slightly in the evening breeze.

Erin frowned when she reached the end of her driveway, seeing only a cab waiting. She turned around to Jay.

"Wait, don't you drive? I can take my car if-"

"Hey," He caught up to her, and she tensed a little when she felt his hand press at the small of her back. "Erin, I drive. I just thought we could have a drink tonight?" He looked a little confused, knowing that he hadn't told her anything about the night but hoped she would be down. Jay thought a drink to end the night would have been a good idea. "That's why the whole cab thing."

"Oh, that makes sense." She laughed, and a wash of relief overcame her date's face. He moved forward towards the vehicle, opening the door and motioning for Erin to get inside. She did so and shuffled to the opposite side so Jay could get in the same door.

Jay didn't speak to the driver, so Erin knew he must have already gave him directions to their destination.

"So," His voice caused Erin to turn from the window and towards him. "How was your day?"

"Yeah it was good. We caught those drug dealers eventually." She nodded towards him, it was polite that he'd asked about her day but she didn't want to talk about work. "How about yours?"

Jay lolled his head back and grimaced. "You know how my days go down, it's so damn _boring_ in that place." His hand moved from across his knee to reach for the hand of hers that was closest to him. He played with her fingers as he spoke. "You know that's why I look forward to seeing you so much, it's.. I like our time together."

Erin chewed on her lip. "Me too," She watched Jay as he continued to intertwine their fingers together on the middle seat. It was the simplest of contact, but it felt right to her.

The rest of the journey was tranquil with the low lull of the cab radio in the background. Erin stared out of the window, taking in scenery that she was unfamiliar with; the cab was headed somewhere she'd obviously never been before. Occasionally, she'd spin to look at Jay, only to find he was doing the same. She noticed he'd made no move to part their hands, and when Jay next turned to speak to her their fingers were locked in an embrace.

"Erin, we're here."

 **Please Review!**


	11. Chapter 11

Jay was first out of the car, slamming the door behind him and making his way round to Erin's side. She smiled at him softly as he opened the door at her end. Erin swung herself from the car and stood, quietly taking in her surroundings. Her jaw dropped slightly as she gazed at where he'd brought her.

The place in front of her was beautiful. It was a tiny building if somebody didn't know it was there, they would walk straight past it. There was a small glass door a couple of paces in front of her and the whole thing was decorated with multi-colored lights. With the evening dusk setting in, the place looked idyllic.

Erin snapped from her daze when she felt Jay take her hand into his own.

"It's nothing much," Jay started towards the entrance. "But I like it here, and I figured you would too."

"Jay, this is beautiful." She said it like she meant it and let Jay lead the way into the building. Erin fought to bring her lower lip to normal level, but it refused.

When they were both inside, Jay closed the door and Erin let her eyes dance around the room. She was right about the place being small, but that wasn't a bad thing. The room he'd taken her to was dimly lit with candles, and there seemed to be nobody else around. Erin beamed, it was totally intimate and Jay had clearly gone to so much effort.

He guided her to the far end of the room to where there was a table and two chairs. Then his hand dropped from hers and slowly to her waist. He pulled out the chair with his other hand for Erin to sit. Erin dropped herself to the seat, watching as Jay moved to the opposite side and sat down.

For a second, Jay moved his eyes away from her and nodded. He didn't hesitate to turn back to her though.

He chuckled. "I guess this is kinda cheating. You cooked for me, and I'm not the one cooking for you." He looked around the deserted room for a second and Erin noticed the background music for the first time. Jay continued. "This used to be a regular spot for me before I got drafted."

Erin watched as a smartly-dressed guy made his way over to their table. "It's amazing, but what even is this place? I've never even seen it before." She paused to smile as their waiter poured them both a glass of red wine before leaving the bottle in the middle of the table, and hurrying away. She noticed he'd also left a menu in front of her. Her eyes scanned the list, and she felt hungry already. "Oh God, Chinese food. How did you know?"

Jay took a small sip of wine. "Know what?"

"Chinese food. It's one of my favorites."

"Oh," He grinned at her. "Lucky guess, I suppose." But he lifted his glass to his lips again so she got suspicious. His gaze dropped to the table. "Okay, maybe I called Hank-"

The wine almost spurted from her mouth, her eyes widening in surprise. "You did _what?!_ " It was the last thing she'd expected, Hank hadn't even said a thing about it. He hadn't even mentioned Jay.

Her reaction resulted in a laugh from her company. Jay realized she was still waiting for an explanation when he'd finished laughing. He reached for her hand across the table, taking her small palm in the grip of his own.

"I told you.. I had to make this up to you. I couldn't just take you to any old place, ya know?" He laughed again. "Obviously there'd have to be something wrong with you if you didn't like Chinese food but," Jay took in another mouthful of wine with his free hand. "I wanted to check in case. I didn't want to ruin this."

Erin was still dumbfounded that he had spoken with Hank. She raised her eyebrows. "And how did that conversation go for you?" She knew all too well how Hank could sometimes sound over the phone.

Jay laughed again, but there was a nervousness in the tone of it this time. "Oh Erin, it was like the third degree. I could feel myself sweating, he asked me so many questions."

She nodded as the words left his mouth. _Yup, that sounds like Hank._ "Honestly, he's fine really."

"He must care about you a lot."

"Yeah," Erin continued to nod. "Yeah, he does." She thought about him for a second, finding herself surprised that Hank had actually told Jay her favorite choice of food. She had no idea how the conversation went down but she wished so bad she'd heard it. She focused her attention back on her date.

"Wait, you didn't mention last weekend to him did you?"

Jay's body seemed to stiffen. "Are you crazy? I dread to think of what he'd do to me if he knew I left you like _that_." He lowered his head. "Erin, he doesn't need to know about that, especially if tonight is my chance for a do-over." Eyes back up at Erin, quickly moving up the top half of her body and then looking deep into her gaze. "So, how am I doing?"

His stare was burning her insides, in the best way possible. "I'd say you're off to a pretty good start."

Jay's smile appeared to widen. "I am?" Again, he turned his back to her temporarily, but Erin couldn't see what he was doing. "I think it's about to get a whole lot better."

She didn't have time to ask him what he was referring to before their waiter was back, accompanied with another guy and trays of food.

"So I know he brought menus over to you," Jay separated their hands so there was room on the table. "But I figured this food is so good, you have to sample most of it." He signalled to the table where their servers had put the dishes. "I hope you're hungry."

It turns out, she _was_ hungry and Erin ate way more than she thought she ever could. It was probably a good idea though, if Jay's plan had anything to do with continuing to drink.

"Okay, I can't stomach any more," Jay backed his body away from the table, in a bid to escape from the remaining food. He washed away his final mouthful of food with the last drop of wine. They'd gotten through the first bottle with their food. He noticed Erin had finished eating too. He wiped his face clean with the provided napkin and pointed to her almost empty plate. "Clearly you _hated_ the food then."

"Clearly," She laughed and looked up, their eyes locking once again. "But seriously, the food here is _amazing_."

"I'm glad you liked it. So, is another bottle of wine a bad idea?"

Erin felt herself shaking her head although she probably should have nodded. She was never going to be able to see soon, if she kept drinking red wine. Though she was pretty full from the Chinese food, she couldn't ignore the effects of the alcohol making her slightly light-headed. She didn't want to ruin the evening by declining his offer, so watched as Jay summoned over another bottle.

"Or we could take it with us?"

She furrowed her brow. "Where are we going?"

His nervous laugh was back. "I actually hadn't thought-"

"We could go back to where you're staying?" She definitely wanted to spend more time with him, but was still apprehensive about having him back at her apartment. Perhaps his place was a better option.

Jay looked surprised she'd suggested such a thing. "Really? You're sure?"

"Yes," Erin nodded her head, also to reassure herself. "We should get that wine to go."

Jay stood from his seat. "Perfect." He slipped his jacket from his chair and laid it across Erin's shoulders. They weren't outside yet, but the night-time temperature was bound to have set in. "We're actually not far from there, if you don't mind a small walk?"

Erin pulled his jacket further around her body, she wasn't cold yet but appreciated his gesture. "I don't mind." As she said the words, Jay held out a hand for her to hold. Erin didn't hesitate to do so, feeling as though she could fall over if she didn't.

Jay took the bottle from their server and moved towards the exit. When he opened the door, he found he was right about the temperature. His grip on Erin's hand tightened and he attempted to pull her close, to shield her from the cold.

"We're almost there, are you cold?"

"I'm okay," She was lying though, Jay could feel her shivering under his hold.

Erin was relieved when she recognized the surroundings of Jay's building. He took the lead to enter the building and turned to face her.

"Wait here," Jay whispered into her ear before turning a corner and leaving her for a second in the lobby. Erin took it upon herself to occupy one of the seats while she was waiting.

She thought to herself whilst she was there. Jay had totally pulled out all of the stops tonight. It really looked as though he'd hired the entire restaurant for the two of them. And it definitely was some of the best food she'd ever tasted, her taste-buds were still tingling.

There was no way she couldn't forgive him after their date. The meal had been perfect, and now she was back at his place. She thought it meant they would get little privacy but at least she was still in his company. And she was beginning to love that more than anything.

Jay wasn't gone for five minutes before he came back into her view. She'd wondered where he disappeared to but all that mattered was he was walking back to her now, and he was still armed with the bottle of wine.

"Hey, sorry." Jay outstretched his free hand to pull Erin from the chair. Erin smiled at him, gladly taking the offer of his palm. She followed him quietly through the lobby and up the stairs to his room.

When Jay unlocked the door, Erin found herself delighted that the roommate wasn't there. It meant they had the bedroom to themselves, and she was more than happy about that.

Erin felt more at ease than she thought she would, being in his bedroom again. She stood at the doorway for a second, watching as Jay kicked off his shoes and walked to the other side of the room. She continued to watch as he worked on opening the bottle of wine and turned to face her. Jay leaned against the table he was using, folded his arms across his chest and looked at her.

"Are you okay?" There was concern in his tone, but it settled when she nodded. He picked up the bottle and shook it in her direction. "I have wine, get over here."

Erin was feeling slightly tipsy, giggling to herself as she made her way over to him. She took off her shoes, and lay her purse on his bed before she reached him. Jay offered her the glass of wine, she took a drink, and then he pointed to his couch. She walked and sat slowly and he followed her, pulling her bare legs over to rest on his own.

She felt goose-bumps break out on her entire body as his fingers circled her skin.

Jay took a gulp of his wine before he shuffled on the couch in a bid to feel closer to her. His hand movement stilled, but he kept a protective hold at the bottom of her leg.

"You were wrong, you know."

She looked confused, frowned at him. "About what?"

Jay bent to balance his wine glass on the floor then used both of his hands to pull her closer. Erin almost spilled her wine as he did so. It caused him to laugh, and he took her wine putting it with his own so both their hands were free.

"Earlier," Jay's eyes dropped to the lower half of her body, then he cautiously allowed them to work around her dress and then finally land again on her face. "You said the restaurant was beautiful." His pupils alternated between Erin's eyes and her lips. As they did so, he breathed out heavily. "That _totally_ wasn't the beautiful thing there, _here_ , tonight."

Erin inched herself closer to him with each word that left his lips. By the time he'd reached 'tonight', their faces were almost in contact. She found her arms leaving the side of her body, one winding itself around his neck and the other scrunching the material of his shirt into her fist. Within moments, she'd pulled the soldier on top of her own body.

She didn't know if it was the wine consumption, or her own desires or maybe it was the words he'd just said to her but suddenly she _craved_ him. It was like a yearning, and it made her heart ache.

From the reaction she got from him, and from the erection she felt from his crotch area, Erin guessed he felt the same. She sensed that he was fighting hard not to put his full weight on her, but that was exactly what she wanted.

He reacted to the Detective pulling him closer. "Erin," His voice was breathless.

"Shh." The noise left her lips in a whisper and she tightened her grip around his neck. She couldn't move. The hand that had tugged his shirt came between them and she only summoned him nearer seductively with her finger. "Stop talking."

Jay finally didn't hold back, balancing his body on hers and kissing her _hard_. Erin's mouth parted in surprise and anticipation, Jay taking it as an invitation to delve deeper into the crevices beyond her lips. He allowed his tongue to make circular patterns with her own.

A few moments later when Jay forced himself away for breath, he shifted their position so she was over him this time. Both of Jay's arms snaked around her back to disregard any air between them, and in a messy attempt to work the zipper on her dress. His fingers eventually found the fastening and he quickly loosened it, causing the material to fall to around her waist.

Erin felt the cool air on her naked back soon replaced with the heat of Jay's skin as his hands roamed her shoulders and down her spine. She lifted herself further into his lap, her arms retracting their movement and moving slowly towards his chest. Her fingers teased his torso before she fought with the buckle fastened on his belt. The accessory was soon forgotten about and Erin threw it on the floor.

She could tell from the noises escaping his throat that this was definitely what he wanted too. Between the moans of pleasure and her name leaving his lips repetitively, it wasn't hard for Erin to work out how he felt.

The concept of her name on his lips heightened her emotions, turning her on even further. Erin worked on his shirt next, rapidly tearing at the buttons so they popped open quickly. She briefly released her mouth from Jay's, placing her lips across his shoulders and chest. Erin littered kisses across his battle scars, taking time to caress the flawed skin after her lips had left it.

Their position on the couch clearly wasn't enough for Jay. His hands moved to underneath her thighs and Erin wanted to scream at the contact. It was enough to drive her insane. She couldn't be sure if he did it on purpose, but she felt a pinch of skin next to her ass as he carried her.

She was surprised when she felt her back touch the mattress and Erin wasted no time in scrambling up to the top of the bed. The dress and Jay's shirt were long gone, Erin now resting against his pillows in her underwear.

Jay followed her actions in no time, climbing after her and tossing his jeans whilst he did so. He took Erin in his embrace again, this time playing with the elastic on her underwear. He watched Erin's face as he slid his fingers between her thighs, watching as she threw her head back in pleasure and allowed soft moans to escape from her lips.

"Oh, _God,"_ Erin couldn't hide her delight from him as she felt his fingers play with her insides. "Stop Jay, you have to-"

"Stop?" Jay slowed his rhythm and Erin opened her eyes so they were looking at each other. "You don't like this?"

Erin's breathing was heavy. "No.. it's not that," She let her own hand fall to where his were, and she felt slightly deflated when he removed them. She toyed with the waistband of his pants, making it clear what she desired. "That's not... I need," She appeared to have lost the ability to form a coherent sentence. Her head threw itself back again, even though Jay had taken his fingers back, his hands were still roaming her body and his lips were claiming her.

Though she couldn't get the words out, he seemed to read her mind. Jay reached to the shelf above Erin's head, searching around a bit before he brought down a square, flat package.

She spent the next moments biting hard on her bottom lip as he tore open the wrapper in front of her. She watched as Jay quickly rolled the latex down himself and crawled back onto her.

Jay used one of his hands to separate her lower limbs, the other to caress her face. He was so lost in the moment but he still felt the desire to touch her, feel her.

Things couldn't go the way they went last week, that couldn't happen. He was in her bed right now and he needed to be with her.

"I want this, I want you." Jay lost any patience he had left- the intention to take anything slowly had disappeared from existence. He tore at her underwear, making the quickest work of throwing them on the floor.

It took a few moments for her body to stop shaking, but she didn't break their gaze throughout it. When her body seemed to settle, her voice was low and sultry.

"Have me," They were the last words she spoke to him before he fulfilled her wishes.

* * *

They refused to acknowledge the rapping at the door, before their time together was finished. Jay finally dropped to Erin's side, and their panting seemed to coincide. When Erin's chest lifted, so did Jay's. When Jay's chest fell, so did Erin's. It was like the two were completely in sync with one another.

Erin turned to her side, the side that Jay had dropped to.

She struggled to breathe at first, but then words eventually came to her. "Jay," The first word from her mouth after tonight _had_ to be his name. "There's somebody at your door." Her tone was half anxious, half pissed that they'd been disturbed.

"Relax," Jay hoisted himself upon an elbow, in a bid to get a better look at her face. "It's probably just Mark, and I'm not in any hurry to let him in here." He lowered his face to the side of her cheek. "I'm not going to let him interrupt _this_." The backs of his fingers on his free hand caressed the side of her cheek tenderly.

Erin had totally forgotten about the prospect of the roommate, especially when they'd been making love. "Hmm Mark." She was pretty glad she hadn't had to cross paths with him yet today. "Maybe you should let him in… Maybe I should go."

A hurt look spread across Jay's face, he knew that was essentially what he'd done to her, but he figured everything was okay. "Go? Why would you do that?" Then he thought back to what he'd told her, when he'd spent an hour pondering what to say to her out in the rain. What he'd confessed the day after he'd been a jerk and left her with no answers. "You're scared I'm going to lash out, aren't you?" His tone was defeated Jay knew that was what she was anxious about. "Erin, please stay. I promise you my meds are working and I've been so much better this week. It's not difficult to work out that it's because of you," Jay moved to pull the comforter over their naked bodies, and pulled Erin even closer to him. "I'll spend the night on the couch even, I just can't … you can't leave me tonight."

Erin elevated her head from his pillow and kissed him long and hard. "It's okay," Her fingers soothed skin, and she felt like it soothed his emotions too. "It's okay, I won't go anywhere."

 **Please Review!**


	12. Chapter 12

"No, stop!" NO!"

Erin was confused as to where the shouting came from at first, before realizing how close to the edge of the bed she was. She felt a thump at the opposite side of the bed, the comforter suddenly whipped away from her body leaving her cold and naked on the sheets. She blinked in the darkness, noticing it wasn't daylight yet and it took her eyes a second to adjust.

She heard it again. But it was quieter this time, resembling more of a whimper.

"No, stop. _Please._ "

Jay was fighting with himself on the other side of the bed, flinging his body from left to right as he suffered. She knew already what it was, he was having one of his nightmares. Though the room was dark, it wasn't hard for Erin to see he was in extreme distress. He still appeared to be sleeping through the episode, his terror not yet woken him from his slumber.

Erin shifted to the corner of the bed, bringing her knees up to her chin and listening. She was temporarily frozen for a minute, Mark wasn't here and she didn't know what to do. Jay had never elaborated on what Mark did to save the situation. Mark was the one responsible for putting a stop to these terrors, not Erin. What was she supposed to do? She didn't have this kind of knowledge, not knowing whether it was best to wake Jay or to leave the terror to escape on its own. It was the one time she wished Mark _was_ there, because he would obviously know what to do.

It felt like she was sitting for hours, when it reality it was probably not even a minute. She couldn't see Jay exactly, but from the way his body was behaving, she got the feeling that she had to wake him. It really bothered Erin to see him this way, she was accustom to seeing Jay being the strong and protective guy she'd been introduced to weeks ago. Now she was seeing him at his most vulnerable, and it hut her heart to watch.

"Jay," Her first word was a whisper, and she was being too hopeful thinking it would make a difference. Her timid voice did nothing to combat the sounds of distress erupting from the soldier's body. She took a deep breath and crawled closer to his body, outstretching her arms in a bid to stop him flinging his. With the first touch, her palms were already coated with his sweat.

"JAY!" Erin moved her grip to his shoulders, even though he dwarfed her in size she was pretty strong given all her Cop training. She wrestled with his strength, until eventually his arms rested at the side of his body. Her shouting didn't appear enough to wake him up though, but the feel of her arms on his own seemed to tranquilize Jay.

By the time his body had settled a little, the early morning glow was beginning to illuminate the room. Erin looked on as Jay continued to sleep, more peacefully this time, but the pained emotion remained on his face. The shouting itself had turned into soft snores, but Erin noticed his brow still was furrowed and he wore a distressed expression.

She changed tactic and shuffled up to the pillows at the top of the bed. Erin wrapped an arm around herself and used the other to gently rub the side of Jay's face, his stubble scraping against her fingers as she did so. It seemed to work: the soldier's brow returned to where it belonged, and he seemed to nestle against her touch. Erin felt automatic relief, she knew the experience could have been a lot more traumatic.

Even though it was still early, she was awake now and she didn't feel like going back to sleep anyway. Erin was quite proud of herself for how she'd handled the situation, given she'd never experienced anything like it before. She was glad that the episode hadn't gone on any longer, though Erin felt she'd reacted okay, it still wasn't nice to see.

As she took her hand away, Jay flinched slightly but then turned on his side. She heard the snores deepen, and Erin was content with her decision not to wake him. Hopefully now, he would be able to sleep without the suffering. She pulled the comforter over his body and swung her legs from the bed. Erin moved to stand up, searching on the carpet for her underwear Jay had torn from her the night before. She quickly located her panties at the bottom of the bed, finding also one of his T-shirts. As she tiptoed across the carpet, she let the material of his shirt fall over the naked top half of her body.

Erin padded barefoot across the carpet, being careful not to wake him. She quickly found the couch and lowered herself onto it. It was where she'd left her purse last night, it was still sitting on the arm of the couch. She reached into it, retrieving her cell. The digits on the screen told her it was almost 7am, and she yawned, Saturday mornings were often her opportunity to sleep in later. Erin curled her legs underneath her body and moved to a comfortable position. There wasn't a lot in the room to distract her, so she checked her emails before resting her head against the side of the couch.

She heard him stirring soon after, seeing from the corner of her eye how the bed dipped and he shuffled to be in her sight. After he'd rubbed his eyes, his expression was back into a frown and he was obviously confused.

"Erin?"

She smiled from one side of her mouth. "Hey," he whispered quietly.

Jay leaned further off the bed, his naked torso now free from the blankets. "What are you doing over there?"

At first she didn't know how to reply, she kind of didn't want to break it to him that he'd had a nightmare. Jay had been _so_ happy when he'd called to tell her that he'd slept through the night without one. And now she had to disappoint him. Her expression seemed to tell him what happened, before she'd even vocalized it.

His mouth suddenly dropped. "Oh God," Then, he'd climbed from the bed and pulled his pants on, before walking over to her in a rush. Jay sat at her side on the couch, his elbows resting against his knees. He sighed deeply. "What happened? Did I- did I _hurt_ you?" Jay seemed to choke on the words as he presumed the worst.

Erin instantly sat up, knowing he'd imagined a situation graver than it actually had been. "No, you didn't." Her tone seemed to calm him a little, and she moved to place a hand on his. "Jay, it's okay you didn't hurt me."

He all of a sudden leapt from the couch and paced around the carpet. One of his hands was holding his temple. "It's not okay though, is it? _Fuck_ , I thought they were going away." Jay reached the counter in the corner of the room and leant against it, breathing heavily. He spoke under his breath. "You shouldn't have to see them Erin, that's not what you signed up for. _Shit._ " He seemed so angry at himself, looking down at the floor as the words left his lips.

"Hey." She knew Jay clearly thought he'd done something wrong, she could see his muscles were tense and he looked angry at himself. Erin tiptoed over to him, taking his forearm in both of her own. "Jay, look at me." She tugged hard at the limb she had in her grip, wanting him to turn and face her.

As soon as he did, Erin could see the pained look in his eyes. She released her grip of his arm and stood in front of him. Then she took a step forward and wrapped her arms tightly around his back, pulling him close.

It took Jay a second to relax beneath her grip, but when he did he hugged her back. It was a relief for Erin when she felt the muscles on the top half of his body soften, and she let her head fall to his chest. His heart was beating rapidly, but she felt it ease back to normal rhythm as they stood intertwined. When she felt he had calmed, Erin took a step backwards and let her hand travel up to the side of his face. It came to rest in the same place she'd caressed through the night.

"Look, it happened. I was more concerned about you," Erin felt her words affecting her, as she thought back to the experience. It was unpleasant to see Jay go through such a thing, the way he threw himself around the bed and the heart-wrenching words he spoke. It was even more difficult to process the thought that this was what Jay went through _every_ night. "I didn't- it was hard for me to see."

"That's what I said, you shouldn't have to see it. I've heard from Mark about how bad they can look. That can't have been pleasant for you." Jay averted his eyes from hers when he spoke, almost as though he couldn't bring himself to look at her.

"Jay, it was my decision to stay." It was true, she'd suggested heading back here after their date and she knew she wouldn't end up leaving that night.

"That's not the point. I'm so glad that you did, but I should have warned you. I guess I was being hopeful by thinking they were disappearing."

"Don't let this dim your hopes. You said before you had a good night the other evening. Maybe that was the start of it."

He nodded, letting her words of comfort register in his brain. His hand brushed against her hip, it was the first time he'd really realized she was sporting his shirt. Then, a soft and sad smile, one that didn't reach his eyes because they still looked pained. "You're right. I'm just sorry you had to experience one."

Erin held a finger to his face. "I don't want to hear it." She tried to supress a yawn.

Jay saw it. "Did you want to go back to bed? How are you feeling?"

Erin shook her head, even though she felt the tiredness building in her body. She'd been so preoccupied with Jay's night terror that this was the first tinge of a hangover she felt. She dreaded to think of the amount of alcohol that had entered her system, but she knew it was at least two bottles of wine. Mixed with the lack of sleep and the fact she was starving. Erin was always starving when she'd drank alcohol, plus they'd practically given themselves a work-out with what occurred in Jay's bed last night.

The sound of her stomach grumbling eased the situation and Jay laughed.

"Or did you want to go get breakfast?" Jay watched as Erin's shake turned to a nod, it was clearly a question she was waiting for. He glanced back towards the couch, where her clothes had been disregarded the night before. "I'm guessing you don't want to go for breakfast in that?" he said, pointing towards the dress. It lay in a heap on the floor, both the soldier and the detective remembering how it had ended up there. "I'll get changed and we can swing by your place beforehand?"

Erin smiled as she nodded, he was always _so_ thoughtful. But he was right, she couldn't exactly head out for food with the dress on. And calling home meant she could change into something more comfortable.

"Okay," Jay laughed before leaning towards her and kissing her forehead. "I'll just grab a quick shower and then we can go." He stepped back, his eyes glancing down her body. "I've gotta say you're really working my T-shirt, are you heading back to your place in that or-"

"Very funny," Erin narrowed her eyes, but laughed too. "I'll just put my dress back on until we get to my apartment."

"Perfect," Jay said as he left the room.

Erin wiggled free from the T-shirt, it made her smile as the material reached her nose: it definitely smelled like him. She stepped back into the material of her dress, fastening the zipper that ran the length of her back. To her surprise it still worked, she'd imagining having to struggle with the fastening after the way Jay had loosened it from her body.

She gathered together her belongings that had been littered around his room, shoving them into her purse. Erin found her shoes beside the bed too and slipped them onto her feet. Jay was back in the room as she did so, the towel wrapped amply around his waist. Erin watched as he walked over to his closet, chose some clothes and then dressed himself in them. It didn't occur to her that she was staring until he spoke.

"Are you ready to go?" Jay closed to doors to his closet and walked over to her. "Have you got everything?"

Erin scanned the room. "I think so," She followed him towards the door. "Though I don't suppose it matters, right? I mean it's not the last time I'm gonna be here."

Jay turned around, raising an eyebrow. He licked his lower lip. "Yeah?"

She pushed an arm through his. "Count on it."

* * *

"Erin are you almost done in there? I'm _starved_. Let's go eat."

She'd left Jay in the comfort of the lounge, but apparently he remembered the way back to her en-suite bathroom. She had to admit that she was probably a while in the shower, but Erin felt like she needed it.

"Yup, give me a sec." She washed the remained bubbles from her body, watching as they created lather then spun down the plughole. Erin reached for her dressing robe from the side of the door, stepping out of the room.

It looked like he'd just stepped into the room to tell her to hurry, Erin noticed he wasn't there any more so guessed he was back in the lounge. She was starving herself, so didn't waste much time with getting dressed. Jay had seen her with _and_ without make-up and still wanted to see more of her, so she felt like she didn't have to make much of an effort. She opted for a shirt and dark jeans, with a pair of boots. Once she'd ran the brush through her hair, cleaned her teeth and applied the tiniest amount of mascara she was ready to re-join him.

Jay was waiting for her patiently in the lounge, staring out of the window as he stood by it. He smiled when he saw her come in, moving towards her so they could go eat.

Erin didn't even ask where he was driving her, considering his choice of restaurant last night had been so _good._ He stopped the car outside a small building, again one Erin hadn't seen before. Once he'd put the car in park, they both got out and Jay led her into the place in front of them. Erin realized it was a small breakfast diner, exactly what she needed for her craving. Once they'd found a booth and ordered, they were left alone.

Jay looked around the room. "This is another spot I used to come to all the time. They do really good pancakes, so you picked well."

"Clearly I've been going to the wrong places then." Erin noted that he'd picked another quiet spot, this one only occupied by a few other people. She hoped it would mean their food would come quickly, she hadn't eaten since last night.

"Clearly you have," Jay repeated her phrase and winked at her. "There's so many more places I would love to take you. If you let me."

Erin grinned. "I don't think that would be an issue," She paused as their server brought over breakfast. "Oh _God_ this looks so good."

"I told you Erin, I have good taste in eating places." His tone has a tinge of cockiness about it, but Jay felt like he deserved it. He'd put a lot of effort into the date last night, hoping it meant forgiveness from her. He could only improve things further by taking her for breakfast. He watched Erin as she tucked into her breakfast, grinned and then did the same.

When he stole glances at her, Jay couldn't stop himself from smiling. The girl sat in front of him made him happy, he was delighted that their paths had crossed. Though she'd started off as a confidant, Jay knew his feelings would heighten the more he spent time with her. And he was right: now, he couldn't see his life without her in it.

Jay didn't want Erin to catch his gazes. Luckily for him, the Detective seemed too engrossed in her pancakes to look away from them. He finished before her, even given his distractions: Erin was clearly savoring her breakfast.

When she was done, Erin set the knife and fork onto the table-top, wiping away anything she'd missed her mouth with, with her napkin. She set her elbows on top of the table cover, and leaned across the table towards Jay.

"Okay so now I _know_ you have extremely good taste in restaurants," Erin's eyes fluttered around the room before coming back to land on Jay's face. "But you don't get out of it that easily, you definitely owe me something cooked. By _you_."

Jay's jaw dropped a little though not too far, he was accustomed to her sass now. He ran a hand across his growing stubble before copying her movement and leaning towards Erin on the table.

"You mean this tasty food isn't enough for you?" he teased. "Besides, _you_ were the one who said you enjoyed cooking-"

She wiggled a finger at him. "Jay, don't you dare!"

"Relax Erin, I'm kidding." Jay pulled a face. "But have you seen the kitchen quarters at the place I'm staying? There's no way I'm cooking you food in there, it's like a school canteen.."

Erin seemed to contemplate for a second. She leaned even further forward from her chair, leaving little space between them. "Well, you could always wait until you get that apartment of yours." Then she raised her eyebrows.

Jay's face dropped: he remembered telling her of such plans to get an apartment of his own, but the events of last night were somewhat of a setback. He wanted to kick himself for believing one night free from his terrors was the beginning of recovery, it was too good to be true.

He tried to stay positive for his company, not wanting to be the downer on their morning. "I guess, that could be a while though."

Erin saw the slightest furrow of his brow, even if he didn't want her to. She thought for a second, to fix how he was feeling. Erin got the sense that he still hated what had happened through the night even if the events were beyond his control. She didn't _blame_ him, he'd simply been and fought for his country and suffered because of it.

"Or there's a perfectly good kitchen at my place," she said it before she could stop herself. Erin realized she'd convinced herself she wasn't ready to have him in the apartment properly again, when in reality there was nothing she wanted more. He'd practically tiptoed around her when they'd called for her to get changed. "You could always use that."

"Oh then I guess I'll have to cook for you then." Jay wriggled to get his wallet free and pay for their food. He left the bills on the table and motioned for Erin to follow him outside. "Did you need me to drop you anywhere? Or did you just want to go home?"

She smiled at him. "Home would be great. Seriously, thanks for breakfast."

"Oh, you're so welcome. I love it there, we should come more often." He offered Erin an arm and accompanied her to the car. Jay opened the door on her side.

Erin spoke as they both got in. "I might have to take you up on it, I've never had pancakes like that before."

"Hah, sure thing." Jay drove towards her apartment, and to Erin's surprise they weren't far from it at all. Jay just must have a talent for finding the good spots to eat. When he reached her place, Jay parked up and leaned over towards her seat. "So, I'll see you-"

"You aren't coming in?"

"Oh, sure." He kissed her anyway, the slightest brush of his lips against hers. Then he retreated and got out of the car. Erin followed, unlocking the apartment and pulling him in the door behind her.

Erin kicked off her shoes, the carpet of her hallway feeling soft beneath her feet. She walked through into her lounge, and Jay did the same. He did so with caution, aware of the speech he'd given the last time he was there.

He watched as Erin almost threw herself onto the couch, meeting his gaze and motioning for him to follow her action. Jay occupied the seat next to her, laying his arm to rest across the top of the couch. She reached for the TV remote, spending a minute or so finding a channel. When she'd found a movie, Erin set the remote down where she'd got it from. She glanced behind her, noticing where Jay's hand was placed. She reached behind and grabbed his arm, pulling it around herself. Erin pushed herself closer to his body, wrapping his arm across her chest. She let her head fall against the side of his chest, feeling the rise and fall of his breathing.

Jay dropped his head to the side of her face. "Hey, you're tired aren't you?" He knew his answer before Erin even spoke. He pressed his face into her hair, so his voice was muffled. "You should sleep Er, I know you lost some of that over me last night."

She nodded, he was right but Erin still fought it. She didn't want to waste her time with him by falling asleep. She couldn't avoid the drooping of her eyelids though as she felt them getting heavier.

Jay wanted to laugh at how much she was defying her need for rest. He pulled her tighter, intensifying his hold around her body as a sign that he wasn't going anywhere. The arm that was around her caressed the bare skin in his reach.

Erin found it soothing, but she also found the images on the TV screen becoming a blur. She knew Jay was right, she was bound to be asleep soon.

* * *

It wasn't a deep sleep, like the kind she needed but Erin woke from the nap a couple of hours later. She noticed she was almost still in the same position that she'd fallen asleep, still wrapped protectively under Jay's arm. She could hear his breathing too, and he still seemed to be watching the same channel she'd first switched on.

Jay felt her stir. "Oh, hey. She's awake." He chuckled and set a kiss in her hair. He released his clasp around her body, allowing her to turn and face him. Erin looked on as he checked his watch, his eyes widening. It was obvious he had somewhere to be, and Erin hated herself for not liking the thought of that. "Erin, I hate to leave you but I have a doctor's appointment."

She turned so his face was fully in her view. "Why are you apologizing for having a doctor's appointment?" She slapped a hand against his chest, playfully. "You should go, I don't want you to miss it." Erin backed herself away from his chest so he could stand. She walked towards the door of her apartment and Jay followed, pausing temporarily to grab his shoes and jacket.

Before his foot was out of the door, he grabbed Erin suddenly by the waist and planted a kiss on her lips. She reacted fast, her own arms snaking around his neck and deepening their touch. He retracted way too quickly for Erin's liking.

"Okay," His breathing was heavy. "I have to go," He grabbed Erin's face with his hand, gripping her jaw between his thumb and finger. "Because if I don't I _won't_." Jay kissed her again, his lips full as they collided with hers. His free hand toyed with one of her curls, pushing it gently behind her ear. Slowly, he edged himself away from her body and towards the outside.

Erin was already grinning when his lips eventually left hers. She was fairly certain his taste would linger there for the rest of the day.

"Goodbye, Jay." She emphasized his name in such a way, it made Jay contemplate missing the appointment. But he knew he couldn't do that.

"Bye," He backed himself out of the doorframe, his eyes still lingering on her face. "I'll call you after I'm done?"

"Sure," She waved a hand towards him as he retreated to his car. Then, she shut the door. For a second it felt impossible to move, there was something about his touch that left her temporarily stood still. She stepped backwards until she felt her back collide with the door and slid herself down the material. The person he was, the way he'd treated her the past few days, the way she felt at his touch, it was then she realized it.

Erin stood from where she'd sat and hurried into the kitchen. As soon as she'd located the keys to her car, she ran outside slamming the door shut behind her. She sat behind the driver's wheel for a second before she put the car in drive. It took her no time at all to reach Voight's place. Erin hadn't brought her key though, so she thought it best to knock.

"Erin?" Hank appeared at the door not even a minute after she'd knocked. It was an unexpected visit. "What's up, Erin? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," she shifted from left foot to right foot before he stood back and she ran inside. Straight into the kitchen and she sat at the dinner table. Erin couldn't sit still though, her toes tapped against the floor and her fingers tapped against the table.

Hank knew her, and Erin wasn't one to fidget. In fact, she usually cussed other people out for doing it. He knew something was up the minute she stormed into the house, her unexpected visits were nice but Erin _always_ called beforehand. Today she'd just showed up.

"What is up with you?" He'd strode straight into the kitchen after her, wondering why she was so edgy. She wasn't even looking at him. She didn't make eye contact with Hank until he positioned himself in front of her, sitting at the opposite side of the table. "Erin?" There was slight concern in his voice, because he didn't have the faintest clue what she was about to say.

"I have a problem. Okay well maybe it's not a problem as such but-"

Whatever it was, she was stalling. The first thing his mind went to was the soldier. She'd been so preoccupied with him lately, and it hadn't gone unnoticed by her boss. Or her work colleagues either. And Hank had finally had contact with him, the soldier had wanted advice on where to take Erin on a _date_.

It was the first Hank had heard of it, Erin simply stating that she was 'hanging out' with Jay was the understatement of the century. Not that Hank minded at first, he didn't want to be too involved in that side of Erin's personal life.

"Is it Jay?"

Erin nodded.

"So this problem, what is it?"

Erin shifted in the seat she occupied for a minute, before finally looking at him. She couldn't look past the concerned tinge of his expression, so she knew already that Hank didn't have an idea what she was going to say.

"I think I'm falling in love with him."

 **Please Review :)**


	13. Chapter 13

In a way, Hank wanted to laugh, she had him scared for a second. He obviously had _no_ idea why she'd turned up so out of the blue, and maybe he'd presumed the worst.

But he hadn't expected her to say she was in _love_.

He looked at her, the young girl he'd taken in from the streets. Suddenly she was that fifteen year old kid again, the vulnerable and troubled teen who had her whole life ahead of her. The time had seemed to flash before him, and she'd become a Cop in no time. And a damn good one at that.

Hank stepped further towards the table, occupying the seat opposite to Erin. He'd never seen her act this way before, so it was obvious what she was felling was true. If anything she looked nervous, Erin was chewing her lip and tapping her fingernails rapidly against the table.

"What do you mean, you think?"

"I mean I've never felt this way before. I can't sleep, eat or do _anything_ without thinking about him. When I'm with him, it's amazing. When we're apart, all I'm wishing is that we're together. I just…I-"

"I told you to be careful," Hank raised an eyebrow, sitting back in the chair. "So, so much for taking my advice…"

She shot him a glance, her brow furrowing slightly. "It's not like that! You think I meant for this to happen?" She was agitated, and it frustrated her.

"Hey, relax I was kidding." He held a hand up to her as if to calm her. "Except I can't help but wonder why you're coming to me with this."

"Huh?"

"I can tell from the way you're acting that you're obviously into this guy. I just don't understand why you're telling me, and you're not telling him."

It was always annoying when Hank talked so much sense. She groaned. "I guess you're right." It looked as though she didn't believe her words. "But what if I open up my heart to him, and he breaks it?"

She'd not once experienced feeling this way before. Sure, he'd said to her he could see himself falling in love with her, but what if he'd said it spur of the moment? Erin was terrified of opening her full heart and soul to him, only to be shut down.

"Erin," Hank reached across the table to take one of her hands. It was hot and clammy. "He told you he spoke to me about your _date_ , right?" He watched as she nodded. "I know I've never met him, but speaking to him over the phone… It seemed like the only thing on his mind was making the night perfect for you. If that's anything to go off, I would say he feels the same way."

She nodded again, this time being sure of why she'd come to Hank initially. It was because he _always_ knew what to say. What he was saying made total sense, she just had to allow herself to believe it.

Erin got up slowly from the chair and she walked around to Hank's side of the table. He stood up after her, and she moved into his embrace. It wasn't often they did so- Hank wasn't the most sentimental person, but he was when it came to Erin. He tied his arms tight around her shoulders, almost feeling the relief and relaxation erupt from her body. He backed away and placed his hands on her shoulders.

He seemed to fight with the right thing to say next, it wasn't usual for Erin to be so open with him, especially regarding her love life.

"Any guy would be lucky to have you. But, if by any chance he doesn't return these feelings-" He dropped his grip from her shoulders, cracking his knuckles against the palm of his other hand. "Then you know where I am."

She laughed then, knowing he was _hopefully_ joking, but also knowing he would do anything for her. Because he always had her back.

"Well I mean, with any luck it won't come to that."

He smiled, one of his lop-sided grins from one corner of his mouth. "Of course it won't. Now go, I'm headed for a drink with Alvin and you have something to do."

"I can't tell him tonight!" She freaked.

"Why the hell not?"

"I can't just go to him and profess my love for him! I've never done that before! I don't know how to do that! I'll end up sounding all cringe and cheesy and… no."

"Okay fine, maybe you don't tell him tonight." He walked from the room and Erin followed him. In the hallway he reached for his jacket. "But you should do it soon. And the sooner you do, the sooner you'll know that he feels the same."

She knew he was right. _Again_. Erin found her car keys before lightly kissing his cheek. "Thanks, Hank. Enjoy your drink with Alvin. See you at work Monday?"

"Sure, see you then. Hey, if things go the way you want them to, you can always invite him to the District's ball.."

"The ball?" Erin frowned, then her eyebrows went back to normal as she remembered the event. The District's ball had _totally_ slipped her mind, and she was glad Hank had reminded her.

"Sure, I'd love to meet the guy who's taking up all your time, and distracts you all the time," he winked, immediately causing her to hide her face.

She stepped out of the house before him, walking towards her car. She pulled off the drive-way just as he was leaving the house himself. Erin rolled down the window.

"Did you want a ride? Where are you meeting Alvin?"

"I'm good, kid. See you after."

Erin took his word for it and began the drive back to her own apartment. Somehow opening up to Hank in the way she just had made her feel a ton better. She was thankful he'd listened. But that wasn't the hard part, the hard part was finding the right words to reveal her feelings to Jay. Maybe she had a little time to think about that.

Her cell phone rang out, when she was a couple of blocks away from her apartment. It was automatically connected to her hands-free and so she pressed the button right away, without even looking.

"Hello?"

"Erin," Of course she knew who it was, and her name left his lips just as satisfyingly as it always did. "I tried you a few times, is everything alright?"

Her mind was so focused on running into Hank's home that her cell had been left in the glove compartment of her car. If he'd tried her a few times, she suddenly felt guilty for not answering. "I'm fine, I called to Hank's."

"Oh," There seemed to be more reassurance in his tone after she'd spoken. "You had me worried for a sec."

She didn't know whether she was supposed to cringe at his comment, it was almost as if he was keeping tabs on her. In reality though, it made her smile. "Honestly, there's nothing to worry about." She turned a corner. "How was your doctor's appointment?"

Jay groaned. "Rough," Though Erin couldn't see him, she imagined him to be rolling his eyes, or grimacing. "I guess that's why I was calling. Can I see you?"

"Of course," She stopped her car temporarily on the side of the road, so she could figure where the conversation was headed. "What happened? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. It's just… I don't know, you make my day better. And I wanna talk to you about what the doctor said." Jay paused. "Where are you?"

She felt herself turn crimson as he spoke. "I'm a couple of blocks away from home." Erin chewed her lip. "I'm in the car, Jay, I could come to your place?"

"You would?"

Erin nodded, apparently he wanted to see her again just as much as she wanted to see him. "Of course, I'll come over right away."

* * *

He was waiting in the lobby when she got to the refuge. His face was drained of color, but his eyes seemed to light up when he saw her. She clocked him when she'd gone through the main door, walking over to him in a hurry.

"Erin," He closed the gap between them quickly, wrapping his arms around her. It was almost like they hadn't parted just a few hours ago.

She melted into his grip and rested her head against his chest. His heart was pounding beneath where her ear was placed. Whether it was the appointment or not, there was something on his mind. She backed off him a little, her right hand going to the place her head had just left. "Please tell me you're okay-"

He kissed her gently, Jay's lips brushing lightly over hers. "I am now."

"What happened? At the doctors? Did something happen?"

Jay shrugged, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. It was obvious he wanted to talk to her, but didn't want to be in the lobby to do so. He began to walk towards the back of the building, Erin knowing it was the area shared by the rest of the soldiers.

"Mark's sleeping in the room, so I figured we could sit down here for a while if that's okay with you?"

Erin nodded, more concerned for the fact that he hadn't answered her question yet.

He guided her through the hallway, through the door into the building's café. She followed him to a corner of the room to a quiet table. Jay motioned for her to sit.

"Can I get you anything?"

"A coffee would be great," She replied as she sank into the seat.

He nodded and stepped back to the server. Erin watched the back of him as it disappeared temporarily from her view. There wasn't the usual stride to his step that she was used to seeing. She frowned, he'd only been for an _appointment_ , but she was still concerned at the way he was acting.

Jay came back soon enough, with a tray of coffee. He offered her a smile on his return, but it wasn't one that reached his eyes. When he sat he was quiet at first, moving the tray out of their way and playing with the rim of his coffee cup.

"Jay," Erin hated seeing him so quiet. "What's on your mind?"

He sighed, looking at her with a worn look on his face. Like he was exhausted, or sick of something. "The doctors," His eyes flitted from the table top to Erin. "He suggested that he up my meds, to stop these nightmares from happening."

She was confused. "Is that such a bad thing?" To Erin, _anything_ that would rid him of the night terrors was a good thing.

"Not exactly," He took a sip from the cup. "But he asked if I wanted to change the medication I was taking. It would be much stronger than the pills I take now."

Erin nodded at his words, taking the smallest mouthfuls of her coffee as he continued.

"I thought it was a good idea. But then he listed the side effects, and they would probably get worse before they got better. The change in the medication would have an effect on my brain. I've thought about it but…ugh, I just thought they were going away."

She toys with the handle of the cup, listening intensely. Not sure what to reply at first.

"What are they? The side effects?"

Jay looked up, puzzled. But it didn't surprise him that she wanted to know, it was the kind of person she was. He was okay with opening up so much to her. And pursuing her meant she would get to know anyway.

"The dreams will probably get worse. He couldn't say for certain, but I think that's what'll happen."

Erin's fingers left the cup handle and reached to grab his hand. There didn't seem to be much choice of words that would make him feel better. She traced circles in his open palm with her fingers.

He spoke again before she managed to form a sentence. "Honestly, since I met you they've been better. I don't know if the two correlate, but they have. It's just that when they do occur, they occur _real_ bad. Like last night, when you had to experience it. And if you were ever to stay the night again, I can't put you through it-"

Erin knew he was fighting with himself over what to do. But things were different now, now she'd experienced one and managed to handle it. She knew she could do it again, if it came to it.

"You have _got_ to stop beating yourself up over that, Jay. I don't regret staying here at all. Honestly, I'm kinda glad I experienced one, because now I know what to expect."

"But I don't want you to have to see them, that's not who I am. What happens if you're here and I lash out at you? And I hurt you? I couldn't live with myself if I did something like that." The emotion was building in his tone, and Erin knew he was feeling angry at himself. Even though he didn't have reason to be.

He dropped his head low and she scooted forward in the chair to lift his chin. "Listen to me, would you?" There was a stern tone in her voice, but she figured it would be the only way to get through to him. "I don't even know how else to put it to you. I stayed last night because I _wanted_ to stay. I wanted to stay with you. I needed to stay with you. If you lash out at me then what's going to happen? What's the worst that could happen?"

"Erin-"

"Stop. Jay Halstead, you listen to me. I am not going _anywhere_." As if the words weren't enough, she could feel herself getting emotional. But she wasn't about to cry in the middle of a café. "I would say I'd take a step back, if it would make you feel better, but that's definitely not what I want to happen."

"Yeah, me neither." He gripped her hand in the middle of his two. He repeated her words. "That's definitely not what I want to happen either."

"Good. So how about you try the meds? You never know if they'll benefit you, unless you give them a shot." She watched him nod. "I promise I'll be with you every step of the way, as much as you need me."

Her words seemed to weld into his mind. "You have no idea how much that means." The tension in his body seemed to relax, and he continued his grip on her hand.

They sat quietly as their coffee was finished, Jay seemed more relaxed. He asked her more about her day, but apparently all she'd done was visit Hank.

She reached the end of her drink. "Come home with me."

Jay blinked and stared at her. "You're sure?"

Erin nodded. "Please, just please come home with me."

Even if he was concerned for the night to come, Jay didn't take convincing. He stood from the table and reached for her hand again. Before they got to the main door, he paused.

"I'll run upstairs and grab some stuff. Shall I meet you at the car?"

She nodded, walking from the building. Erin waited for him from the driver's seat of her car. He took a few moments so she stared out of the front window, watching for his approach.

Was she doing the right thing inviting him back to her apartment? Earlier, he'd been there but stayed in the lounge. Tonight he'd be back in her bedroom. And she definitely recalled what happened the last time he was there.

But Erin shook the thoughts from her mind that had all seemed to change when she'd woken with him this morning. All she wanted to do was be there for him, and with everything that had happened between them so far, she no longer liked being without him. Any second thoughts soon escaped from her mind.

The car door slamming closed broke Erin free from her thoughts. He soon occupied the passenger seat to her right, his body leaning close to her own. He turned on the car radio and hummed along to the songs whilst she drove them to her apartment.

"Mark says hi," He chuckled as he watched her drive. "Says he hasn't seen you in a while."

"Well that's because he's not the one who I come there to see." She flashed a quick grin at him before focusing back on the road. "Plus, every time I've seen him he's been an ass so.."

It earned her a laugh from the solider, a throaty giggle that reached his stomach. It was good to hear, especially given his mood earlier.

"I'm with you on the asshole part. He is definitely one of those sometimes."

Erin parked outside of her apartment block and unlocked her door with Jay following close behind her.

"Do you mind if I take a quick shower?" she asked, although she was in her own apartment she felt bad for leaving him alone. "Help yourself to anything you need in the kitchen, you know where the lounge is."

"Sure," Jay kicked off his sneaks and went through into the kitchen. He watched as she made her way into her bedroom. He walked further into the kitchen and found the refrigerator. His eyes scanned the shelves until he found wine. He wasn't exactly hungry, but he could do with a drink. The doctor's appointment had really taken it out of him, but of course Erin had been able to make him forget all about it for now.

He searched through her kitchen cabinets, looking for glasses. Jay found them on the third attempt, in the corner cupboard next to the sink. He withdrew two of them and poured liquid up to half way. Then he returned the bottle to its home in the fridge and closed the cupboard, making for the lounge.

He set down the glasses and turned on the TV as he waited for her. It was weird being in her lounge without her.

She didn't leave him on his own for too long, coming into the lounge not long after. She'd dressed down into short pyjamas, her damp hair resting across her shoulders. She spotted the wine straight away when she walked into the room.

 _Shit_ he thought _she even looks good just out of the shower in pj's._

"I swear all we do together is drink wine," she laughed.

"That's not a bad thing," He replied, eyeing her as she walked further towards him. He shuffled off the couch slightly and reached for the fuller of the two glasses. "Here."

She accepted and threw herself onto the couch next to him. Erin found she wasn't shy around him anymore, resting her back against his chest. He lifted an arm, the one free from his wine glass, so she could sit close to him.

He'd found something on the TV whilst she was showering.

"What are you watching?"

"I think it's _SNL_. I didn't know what you would want to watch."

She smiled, taking a sip of her wine. The cold liquid ran the length of her throat. "I'm good with this." She moved for more comfort, lowering her body slightly. She linked her fingers through his, wrapping her arm tighter around herself.

"So how was Hank?" He asked quietly, his chin resting gently on the top of her head.

"Hmm?" The room had been peaceful and his question took her by surprise. She'd almost forgotten that she'd been to see Hank earlier, but now Jay had reminded her she remembered what they'd talked about. "Oh, he's fine. He mentioned you."

"Me?" Jay groaned. "Oh God, what did he say?"

She shuffled to face him. "Oh, nothing bad! He said that you called him, but I knew that already. I still can't believe you spoke to him."

"Erin, he knows you better than anybody. I just wanted advice from him." He laughed, and there was a slight nervous tone to it. "Did he say anything else? I felt like he was interrogating me over the phone."

She leaned across his body to balance her wine glass on the small table on the other side of him. "I guessed that would be what it felt like," she laughed, and she could practically picture the conversation between them. She brought her body back to the other side, kneeling beside him. "He also asked me about you."

"Asked what?"

"He asked about us, what is going on between us."

It was Jay's turn to put down his wine glass. He twisted his body to face her on the couch. "Really?" His eyebrow raised. "What did you say?"

She hadn't had time to think of what to say, so she didn't want to say it. Erin shook her head and looked into his eyes. There was nothing she wanted more than to tell him how she was feeling, but somehow she didn't have the words yet.

"Jay, I don't wanna talk about Hank." She willed her body forwards so she was pressed against him. "I just want to be here, with you."

"Fine by me," he growled, pulling her close. His arms snaked around her back, up to the back of her shoulders. It wasn't difficult to feel the hardening of her small breasts beneath the material of her tee. He felt them as they pressed against his chest.

She moved to straddle over him, the cotton of her pyjamas shorts riding slowly up her thighs as she did so. Erin pushed her wet curls behind her ear before throwing her arms around his neck in a frenzy. She fused their lips together, and she kissed him hard. Her eyes closed and her mouth opened simultaneously.

She'd lost count of how many times she'd kissed him, but there always seemed to be new crevices of him to explore. His tongue slid along her lower lip then through into her mouth. One of his hands left her back, sliding across her jaw and onto her cheek.

The sound of the television was at the back of her mind, but she heard Jay's stomach grumble. It was incredibly loud, and it caused her to laugh. Soon their lips had parted.

The noises from his stomach didn't seem to bother him, he didn't want them to part. He fought to press against her again, but she found the situation funny. Her lips were still spread wide whilst she was laughing, so Jay's mouth moved down to her neck.

Erin threw her head back as she was still laughing.

"Jay, stop!" The laughter got the better of her, and she couldn't stop. "Do you want me to fix you something?"

"I want you to do nothing of the sort," His voice was low, clearly he didn't want her to go _anywhere_. His grip tightened around her and he stood, elevating them both. It only caused Erin to laugh even more.

"Are you sure? I can make you some food real quick?" She felt bad, knowing he probably hadn't eaten anything since they'd been for breakfast.

He stared intensely into her pupils, the quickest way to tell her to shut up.

"Erin, I love you for offering but I really don't need food right now."


	14. Chapter 14

_I love you for offering but I really don't need food right now._

The last words he'd spoken to her rang through her mind. She'd spent the evening pouring her heart out to Hank about what she was going to say. And now he'd got there before her.

Erin thought she'd fallen quickly. But now apparently he felt the same.

As soon as the words had left his lips, Jay kissed her again. His hands continued their journey across her spine and shoulders, his fingers sending bolts of electricity through her body.

She did, she loved him. She loved him, she loved him, she loved him. Like she'd never loved anybody before.

Erin could feel it in her body: the way he touched her and caressed her, it was like he _knew_ her. He knew exactly where to touch her, the points that would turn her on.

More than that though, she could feel it in her _heart._ Their time together made her day, and she hated when they were apart.

He needed to know.

"Jay-" she whispered.

He opened his eyes. His left hand moved to cup her face and his finger silenced her words.

"I know what you're going to say," he spoke softly. "But I do."

Her insides leapt.

She repeated his name. "Jay," This time, his stomach made a call again. She laughed, her head tilting to rest against his palm. "Will you _please_ eat something?"

Jay joined in her laughter. "Okay, I am hungry, I guess." He groaned a little when she moved away from him, but slowly followed her into the kitchen.

"What can I make you?" She asked shyly, walking to the counter and looking through her cupboards.

He sneaked behind her and held her close. "Honestly, don't put effort into it. I'm easy," He nuzzled into her neck, his arms wrapping around her waist. "I could think of a million things I'd rather be doing with you right now, instead of eating."

"Yeah?" She laughed, throwing her head back into his shoulder. "Have you eaten since breakfast, though?" She watched as he shook his head. "Jeez, Jay it's no wonder you're hungry!"

"I didn't feel like eating before my appointment, and then I guess I was waiting for you and-"

She spun around to face him. "Hey, don't you dare blame me for this! You've had _plenty_ of time to eat."

"I'm most definitely not blaming you," he smiled, his gaze focusing on her eyes. "I'd never do that."

Erin raised her eyebrows and laughed. She wriggled from his grip and walked towards the refrigerator. "Here," she threw some cheese in his direction. "How's grilled cheese sound?"

"Sounds perfect," he replied. He stood stationary as she reached for the bread and threw that at him too.

Erin walked to the other side of him and pulled herself up onto the counter-top. "I figured if you're gonna start staying over here, you should find your way around the kitchen," she said playfully. "So you know where the burner is, help yourself."

A grin spread across Jay's face. "I suppose that's only fair-"

"And this does _not_ count for that meal you owe me," her eyes narrowed towards him but she still kept her smirk on her face.

"Oh damn, I was hoping you'd forgotten about that," he said. He watched her face. "I'm kidding, I know I owe you that. It's coming, I swear. Did you want one of these?"

Erin shook her head, watching as he prepared his food. She studied his concentration face, looking on as his brow furrowed whilst he watched over the stove.

He finished preparing it, standing in front of her while he ate it.

"Better?" She raised an eyebrow. "Did that satisfy your hunger?"

"Hmm, _kinda_ ," Jay wiped a crumb from the corner of his mouth with his tongue. Then he stepped forward, closing the gap between where he stood and Erin's bare legs swinging from the counter-top. His hands went to her thighs. "Now, are you gonna help me with the doctor's thing? I need your advice."

Erin wriggled forward and closer to his embrace. She chewed along her lower lip, watching as he raised an eyebrow. "Doctor's advice, or sex," she whispered, her fingernails tapping against the counter-top. "You get one or the other." She teased.

Jay threw his head back in laughter, his eyes coming back to meet hers. His hands snuck from her thighs to her back, pulling her from where she was sitting. "Yeah, screw the advice…"

* * *

Erin woke up alone, but the aroma of breakfast food filled her nose before she could panic. She rolled onto her side and retrieved Jay's shirt from the floor, throwing it across her bare body.

She found him in the kitchen, standing at the stove like he had been last night, before she'd distracted him. She stood against the doorframe and watched him, or rather watched his body as he wandered round her kitchen half-naked.

"What are you doing?" she smiled.

He jumped slightly before spinning and returning her smile. "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm cooking your breakfast."

She stood again and walked towards him. "How did you sleep?"

"Incredibly," Jay kissed her forehead before turning back to the cooker. "I didn't wake you through the night, did I?"

"I'm pretty sure I would have woken up if you were in distress, Jay. I think you slept through," she smiled.

He nodded, moving his attention back to the eggs on the stove.

Erin realized he wasn't as positive as she'd thought he'd be. "That's a good thing, Jay." She wrapped an arm around his naked waist as he slaved over their breakfast.

"I know, _babe_."

Her insides gushed, knowing it was the first time he'd called her anything other than her name. Surprisingly, she liked hearing it better than she thought she would. She pulled away from him and waited for him at the table. Erin poured herself a coffee before he placed a breakfast dish in front of her.

"Breakfast a lá me," he laughed pushing her breakfast towards her.

"Well, thank you. If this tastes as good as it smells-" She didn't finish her sentence, instead shovelling the food into her mouth. "Jay, this is good."

He watched her take small mouthfuls before continuing to eat himself.

When Erin was finished, she leant her elbows on the table and shuffled forward. "I was thinking…"

"Oh boy," Jay pushed his plate away from him.

"Stop, it's nothing bad." Erin took a drink of coffee. "What if that place, where you are right now, doesn't help with your nightmares?" She paused to watch his expression, because he probably thought this was coming out of the blue. He was looking at her, a tinge of confusion on his face. "You know, you're surrounded by other people who were in the same place as you. I get that you can relate to events together, but what if..."

"If?" He quizzed.

"Maybe being without them could be a fresh start for you. It could help," she chewed on her lip.

Jay contemplated her words for a few moments, before he nodded. "I think you could be right," there was a hint of sadness to his tone, and she noticed it. "A fresh start sounds the best. But there's a reason Mark is there all the time, if I was alone-"

"You wouldn't be alone." Erin grabbed both of their empty dishes and dropped them into the sink. "You have me."

A weak smile spread across his face. "You're amazing for offering, but I don't want to put that on you. You didn't sign up to be my baby-sitter."

"You're not putting _anything_ on me."

"Erin-"

She moved from the counter to where Jay was sitting. "I'm not going to let you argue, you said an apartment was what you wanted. We can do this."

"But the doctor-"

"We can deal with whatever the doctor says. Be honest with me, are you happy in that place? You're happy that you have to share a room with Mark?"

"You know I like it better when I'm with you." He eyed her stance. "But it could take a while for these terrors to go away-"

"That's fine."

"And I don't know what the doctor is going to say-"

"That's fine." She edged closer to where he was seated.

He pulled on her hand. "You'd really do this? You wanna help me find an apartment?"

"I do," she smiled. "But first you gotta decide about your meds. Did you wanna change to the others?"

He shook his head. "I, I don't know."

"It's okay," She put a hand against his jaw. "You can think about it?"

"Yeah." Jay pulled on her arm again, this time hard enough so she fell onto his knee. "What are you doing today?"

"Today?" she shrugged. "I didn't have plans."

"Then we should do something," he cupped her face and kissed her. "Did you have any ideas?"

* * *

She stuck to her word and accompanied him to his other doctor's appointment later in the week. It seemed like he'd decided not to up the meds, after figuring his night terrors were only going to get worse. As she sat in the bath, she recalled their conversation right before Jay had gone into the doctor:

" _What's on your mind, Jay?" She'd asked as they entered the building. She knew how stressed out he'd been about this meeting, how distressed he'd been after the last time he was here._

" _I'm gonna tell him I don't want to change the meds." He'd replied._

" _Are you sure?_

" _Yeah." He smiled, apparently confident in his decision. "I want these to go away, but there's no way I want them to get worse, before they do." He thought back to the past few nights he'd spent with her, in her company, in her bed. "They've been better this past week, and I think I know the reason why," he finished quietly._

 _She smiled in return, he didn't fully explain what he was talking about, but she gathered it was a compliment. Once they'd reached the outside of the room, she waited outside for him. He was barely in the room for five minutes before she saw his face again._

 _He made his way out of the room, walked over to Erin and squeezed her hand._

" _You're done already?"_

" _I am. I told him I had no plans to try the new meds, I don't want this thing getting worse. And I told him that something seemed to be stopping these nightmares, slowly but surely."_

" _You did? What did he say to that?"_

" _He said if I'd found a way to prevent them, then I should keep on doing whatever it is that I'm doing."_

Erin relaxed her arms on either side of the bathtub, leaning back and resting her head against the tiles. His appointment, in Jay's opinion, was a success and he'd seemed in a much better mood than he had been after the first one. She _knew_ the 'tactic' he was referring to was being with her, rather than being alone in bed.

Which was why he'd spent the majority of the week at her place. She felt guilty that she had to leave early in the morning to get to work, but Erin didn't fail to notice the lack of night terrors she was experiencing from the soldier whilst he was in the other side of her bed.

It had also been earlier in the week when she'd invited him to the District's ball, like Hank had suggested.

" _You're really quiet tonight," he'd said into her hair as they sat together on the couch. "Is everything okay?"_

 _She'd been thinking back to her conversation with Hank, but the question had totally slipped away from her memory. "Can I ask you something?"_

" _Of course."_

" _We have a ball at the District every year, it's like this tradition thing and it's this Friday and I was just wondering if you would like to go? I mean you totally don't have to it's just, I thought maybe you could come, seeing as I've already been to one with you-"_

Right now, she thought back to the moment and laughed at herself. She was _rambling_ Oh God she'd been rambling. She cringed at the memory.

 _He'd interrupted her by kissing her, caressing each side of her face. Then, he'd laughed into it._

" _Wow, you have such a way with words," he'd teased. She'd looked at him shyly as he continued to talk. "But you know I'd love to come with you. Is this a tux thing?"_

" _It is," she'd laughed. "And I already know you own one of those so, really, you have no excuse," She'd laughed._

She'd asked him three days ago, and the ball was tonight. He'd had to return to his home of course, much to her disappointment, to get ready for the night. Judging by the amount of time they'd spent together, it felt like Jay had been away for _ages_.

Erin had an hour and a half to get ready, but she hadn't learnt her lesson from the last time they'd gone somewhere together: Here she was, still in the bath-tub when she had one hour 15 to get ready.

She brought herself round from her daze and reached for the towel hanging on the back of the door. Erin wrapped it around herself and walked through into the bedroom.

Erin couldn't tell what had gotten into her lately, but she'd even bought a new dress for tonight, something she'd _never_ done before. She thought she was one of those girls fond of recycling clothes: what was the point in only wearing them once, right?

Somehow, bringing Jay along tonight made her want to make more of an effort. She'd never brought a date to the District ball before, and everybody was _bound_ to say something about it. So she felt like she had to look good.

She tackled her hair first, drying it quickly and letting the natural curls fall down her back. Then she applied a larger amount of make-up than usual, making an effort for natural tones so it wouldn't look too weird for those who were gonna see her tonight, those who were used to seeing her bare faced with her hair in a tight bun.

She walked towards her closet, the dress she'd bought was hanging at the end. Erin pulled it free and smoothed down the material, the red satin feeling smooth between her fingers. Standing for a minute in her underwear, she inspected the dress.

 _Can I even pull this off?_ She thought _I don't wear fucking dresses._

Erin quickly shut herself up, knowing she wore a dress to the District ball _every_ year. It was only because she was being accompanied this year that she was questioning herself.

She pulled it from the hook and stepped into the bottom. When it was above her stomach and her arms were through the loops she fastened the zipper at the back.

"Erin?" _Crap, he was early!_ "Are you ready?"

Jay said he would swing by her place in a cab so they could turn up together at the ball. "Just a second," she shouted through the apartment.

She shuffled around her room filling her purse, finding her shoes and picking up a lipstick. Erin took one last look into her mirror before she left the bedroom and walked into the hallway where Jay was waiting.

He heard her footsteps and spun around to watch her walk towards him. Jay's eyes slowly rose up her body, widening with each glance until he reached her face.

"Hoooly shit Erin," He held the door open for her. "You look incredible."

She felt the color blush across her face. Her hand moved unconsciously to cover it, but he got there first and brought it back down to her side. His palm cupped the side of her face and his lips touched gently against her own.

"Hello to you too," she giggled. "Is that our cab?"

"Uhh, yeah." Jay caught his breath. He offered an arm to walk together to the car.

Erin slid into the back seat, watching as Jay did the same on the other side.

He noticed she was quiet for most of the journey, hoping she wasn't being apprehensive. "Hey, you're not nervous, right?" _I'm_ the one who gets to be nervous!" He laughed.

Erin turned towards him and smiled. "I'm not nervous, I do this every year." She lowered her brow. "Why on earth are _you_ nervous?"

"Are you kidding? Hank and the rest of your team in one room? I'm gonna get the third degree," he replied, pretending to loosen his tie.

"Relax, I've told them to play nice," she grinned and reached across the seat for his hand. "You don't have anything to be nervous about anyway, these guys will love you."

Jay raised his eyebrows. He didn't doubt that he'd get on with the guys she worked with, but it wasn't them he planned on spending the most time with tonight. Sure, he would engage in conversation with her team, make polite conversation with Hank (he had to do that!) but he knew most of his attention would be on the girl sitting next to him.

Was it even possible for her to look even better than she had at his award night?

 _It's the red_ he told himself _she looks so good in red._

He got out of the cab before her when they reached the venue, throwing bills at the driver before opening the door at her side. He reached out a hand to close over hers as they walked inside.


	15. Chapter 15

**_Hi!  
First of all, I gotta apologize for being gone so long. Finals and personal stuff have been kicking my ass so bad lately but I'm finally done so I'll be back to writing through summer!_**

* * *

As they neared the door, Erin moved to link her arm through his. When she reached for the door with her free hand, she felt Jay's body stiffen.

"Hey," she tried to reassure. "Are you okay?"

"Yup," he exhaled, blowing out a breath. "So, your whole unit is right in there, huh?"

Erin nodded, noticing that he was suddenly apprehensive. Apparently a far cry from the confident and sometimes cocky man she'd come to know so well in such a short time. "Relax Jay," she raised her eyebrows. "There's nothing to be nervous about."

"Oh, nothing to be nervous about… except for the fact your whole team is a bunch of guys and the man you class as a father is in there too," he laughed.

"Who you have already had a conversation with over the phone," she glanced towards him, remembering Jay had already talked to Hank when he'd wanted to impress her. "You have nothing to worry about, I bet you guys will get along just fine."

Jay seemed to take her word for it and ushered Erin inside before closing the door again behind them. As soon as they were inside the building, Jay's eyes darted towards the walls and décor. "Jeez Erin, what is this place? I feel _so_ out of place right now.."

She moved to thread their fingers together and pulled him towards the main room. "This is where we always have the District events. Now will you please stop going all nervy on me and come inside?"

To Jay, the room resembled absolutely nothing of the room where he'd received his award and he felt so out of place in a room crowded with police officers. Not to mention the _littlest_ bit threatened.

To Erin, it was the normal location where the District held events every year, although she chose not to attend most of them. It was gonna be different this year though because for the first time in a very long time, she wasn't coming alone.

She clocked eyes on the rest of the unit at the opposite side of the room. Jay followed in her footsteps as she approached them, fully preparing herself for the sarcastic comments that were probably going to come from their mouths.

"Oh there she is," Adam turned around in his chair, noticing she wasn't alone. "We were wondering if you were…coming."

"I told you I was," Erin grinned, thumping her work buddy on the shoulder. "Hey guys, this is Jay." Her gaze fell upon him as Jay politely nodded towards the table then she continued. "Adam, Kevin, Alvin…" she went around the table. "Where's Hank?"

"Bathroom, I think," Adam replied, then turned his attention to the guy standing next to Erin. "So we finally get to meet the guy who causes this one to be so distracted at work-"

"Not true!" Erin bust in, slapping against the arm of Ruzek's suit. _Well_ she thought _that could be a little bit true but Jay doesn't have to know that._

"Anyway, you guys will need a drink. Coming to the bar?" Adam directed his question to Jay.

"Sure," Jay dropped the grip on Erin's hand and leaned towards her. "What are you drinking?"

Erin pondered. "I'll have wine, I think." She moved to open her purse, but Jay stopped her and shook his head. She quickly grabbed a hold on his forearm. "Ignore anything he tells you _please_ …" she whispered, her eyes shooting in Ruzek's direction. "…because it's probably not true."

"Gotcha," Jay chuckled and winked at her before he turned his back and walked towards the bar with Adam. Erin watched as they reached the other side of the room then walked to the far end of the round table and sat in the seat with her place-card. To her relief, Jay's name and place-card was to the left of her, Hank's name was to her right. _For him to sit in when he eventually got back_.

Erin balanced her purse on the table and made polite conversation with the remaining people on the table; Kevin and Alvin, and there were spaces for the desk sergeant and a couple from patrol, too.

"You look good tonight Erin," Kevin spoke up from his place at the other side of the table.

She took the compliment and smiled, it was true that she hardly ever attended these things and the team were used to seeing her in work gear. "Hey, you don't look so bad yourself," she laughed. And it was the truth: Erin wasn't accustomed to seeing them wearing suits, but they all appeared to scrub up well.

She saw Hank walking back into the room and towards their table. He smiled when he caught sight of her, immediately walking to her side of the table.

He turned his attention to the empty seat at her side. "Oh, that son of a bitch. He didn't want to come with you, did he?"

Erin opened and closed her mouth a few times, she had the feeling Hank was about to go _off_. "Hank…wait…" She paused until he looked at her, then Erin pointed towards the bar. She watched his eyes move to where she was pointing and he nodded.

"Oh," Hank's mouth clamped shut. "Here I was thinking he'd deserted you," he sat into the chair.

"Nope," Erin shook her head and still found herself looking back towards the bar. Somehow she got the feeling that Jay wasn't the type of guy to do anything like that.

She watched as Jay made his way back to the table with Ruzek, armed with drinks and laughing at something. _Probably one of Adam's jokes._ Erin was glad: she wasn't worried about them not getting on, but it was still nice to see. Their eyes locked as the two men approached the table, her noticing Jay's eyes widen as he saw the man sitting next to her.

"Is that…" he mouthed.

Erin nodded and beckoned him towards her. "Hank, this is Jay."

The soldier lowered Erin's drink onto the table before offering her boss a hand.

Hank turned around to face him. "Ahh, I finally get to put a face to the voice. Jay," he said. "Nice to meet you."

"And you, sir," Jay spoke quietly, almost as though he was intimidated. Erin thought he was. She watched the polite exchange between them before Jay moved to take his seat next to her. When Hank started a conversation in the other direction, she turned towards Jay.

His hand brushed the material that lay over her thigh. "He doesn't seem so bad."

"Maybe you should start listening to me," she laughed. Erin lifted the wine glass to her lips and took a drink. She hadn't even specified the color, but Jay had chosen red. Unsurprisingly so, considering the amount of it the pair had drank together lately.

"Maybe," Jay picked up his own beer bottle. "So what goes down at these things?"

"I'm not actually sure," she replied. "I don't usually come to them."

"Yeah? Wow, I feel special."

"You should," she smirked. "What did Ruzek say?"

"Oh nothing," Jay looked away from her as he spoke, avoiding eye contact. She took it as an indication that he was fibbing. "Guy talk."

"Guy talk?" Erin scoffed. "You guys met two seconds ago and you're having 'guy talk'? What did he say?"

Jay leaned in close towards her. "I think that's between me and him," he laughed.

She narrowed her eyes at him, but brushed off his comment. "I'm gonna say hi to a few people from patrol. You coming?" Erin moved to get out of her chair.

He quickly looked behind her towards Hank, noticing that the conversation he'd been in was finished. "You know, I think I'll stay here," he replied.

Erin shrugged before she walked away. She couldn't be mad if the reason he wanted to stay at the table was because he wanted to talk to Hank. If they were both gonna be in her life, she needed them to get along.

She glanced back slyly, seeing Jay move into her seat and immediately start a conversation with her boss. Erin forced her attention away from them and struck up conversation with others that worked at her District.

When she got back, Jay had moved to his original seat. He was staring down at his phone.

"Hey," Erin brushed his shoulder on her way back to sitting.

"Oh hey," he grinned and shoved the cell phone back in as she took her seat. As she did, Erin glanced over to him. _He definitely looked more intoxicated than when she'd left him._ "I was beginning to wonder where you'd got to," he leaned in close to whisper in her ear. _Yup, definitely more intoxicated_ she thought.

She laughed as his hot breath tickled her skin. "I'm back," she reassured. "What did you guys talk about?"

"I can tell you that later," Jay replied. "Right now, we're gonna dance."

Erin pulled a face. "Yeah, right. I'm definitely not drunk enough to get on that dance floor."

"I'm afraid I don't care," he all but jumped from where he sat and pulled her up too. "Come on."

She let herself be pulled from the seat, walking towards the dancefloor with him. Jay wove them In between others that were dancing, half of them Erin had never seen before. _Probably because she wasn't a regular at these things._

His hand reached around the satin of her dress and pulled her close. Erin lay a hand across his shoulder and linked their other ones together.

"You gonna tell me what you and Adam were talking about now?" she said, just over the music.

"You're not gonna leave off, are you?" Jay smirked.

"Absolutely not," Erin replied. "I don't trust anything he tells you."

"Oh. Well I quite liked what he had to say."

Erin frowned, but she was intrigued. "Wait, what?"

Jay pressed harder into the small of her back, pushing her further into him. "He said he hasn't seen happy this way before," a stupid grin spread across his face. "Like you've been for the past few months." Jay's tongue worked its way to the side of his mouth, looking like he was proud of himself.

"Hey, you don't get to tease," her head fell to the side.

His brow furrowed the slightest. "I would never," he untwined their fingers and lifted her chin with his index one. Then he crushed his lips against her, feeling the moment she sunk into him.

Erin pulled away after a minute, giggling at how hands-on Jay was when he'd had a drink. She couldn't exactly let herself go with him when they were in the presence with all the people she worked with. Because _that_ would cause them to never shut up.

She caught sight of the people around them moving towards the buffet area and suddenly she didn't want to be the only ones left on the dancefloor, the centre of attention. "Hey, food's out. You hungry?"

Jay shrugged. "I could eat," he nodded. He let himself be pulled from the dancing area and over to the long table of food. Erin grabbed them both a plate before offering one to Jay.

They made their way back to the table with the rest of Erin's team. She put her half-full plate on the table and watched as Jay sat while she reached for her purse. "Beer?"

"Sure," he wasn't about to turn her down, looking in her direction before she went to the bar.

"Yeah, I'll come with you." Hank lifted himself from his own seat and accompanied her to the other side of the room. "So, you're having a good night?" He watched her nod a response. "I told you these things weren't so bad," he laughed. "Although I'm pretty sure your mood is more of a reflection of your company than it is actually being here. Am I right?"

"You always are, Hank," Erin joined the line and looked at him when he stood next to her. "I'm having fun."

"I _think_ it's more than fun," he replied. "For both of you." The crease of Erin's brow told him to continue. "I talked to him when you left the table. I think the way you feel about him is reciprocated."

Her gaze drifted past Hank to Jay still sitting at the table. Looking at him deep in conversation with the guys she worked with – her family – he looked so at ease and just _fit_.

"So, you approve?" she laughed.

"Any guy that rings me for advice on how to impress you will always be in my good books," Hank jested, apparently remembering their conversation weeks ago. "And maybe you should tell him that."

He knew Erin, and knew there was probably a high chance she hadn't told him what she'd opened up to Hank about. She'd be afraid that it would get thrown back in her face, but even after talking to the guy he was reassured.

"I know," she agreed. "I will." Erin turned to order their drinks and took bills from her purse. She walked back to the table quickly to prevent the food from going cold. She slid into the seat next to Jay.

"Thank you," he said – as best he could – through a mouthful. He picked up the bottle straight away and washed away whatever was in his mouth.

She tucked into her own dish, stopping sometimes to make polite conversation. Not much though, had she really been missing out on this food when she didn't come to these things? _Unbelievable._

Jay emptied his plate before her, turning his attention to the music and tapping his leg along to the beat. By the time Erin was done, he was almost swaying along to the beat.

"You're drunk," she laughed, watching his movement in the chair.

"You're beautiful," he leaned towards her and kissed against her cheek, one of his hands resting against her knee through the dress.

A wash of desire overcame her. There was something about the way he complimented her when he was tipsy. It was so _hot_.

"Yeah," she raised an eyebrow, downed the rest of her wine and shot up from her seat.

Her movement took him by surprise.

"What the-" he looked taken aback. "Where are you going?"

"Home," she whispered. "We're going home."


	16. Chapter 16

**Hi, I'm back! (I hope) ... Sorry for the radio silence, I kinda lost my motivation for a while but hopefully it's coming back! So sorry if this chapter is a lil crappy..**

* * *

"Oh God," the groan came from Erin's right hand side. "It hurts!"

She smiled without opening her eyes yet. Shit, she knew that feeling. Just how drunk were they last night? She remembered dragging Jay back to her apartment from the cab, struggling to unlock the door whilst his fingers tickled the bare skin on her back. She remembered him carrying her through into the bedroom- not before they'd seen off another bottle of wine- and…

Erin opened her eyes and looked down at the floor. Just as she expected, the red dress she'd picked out for last night lay in a heap on her carpet: so easily forgotten about. It was clearly the last thing in her thoughts last night.

"It's like you read my mind," she forced her body onto its side to look at Jay.

"It's like there's an axe in my brain," Jay cursed through gritted teeth. "Help me."

"I'm pretty sure bottle number three was your idea," Erin shifted further into the bed towards him. "I had such a good night though."

"Me too," Jay stretched the upper half of his body out of the covers. His arm lifted over the pillow and Erin cuddled into him. He kissed into her hair. "Wine makes you frisky," he whispered.

Erin slapped his naked chest. "Hey I didn't hear you complaining!"

"…and you'll never hear it," Jay cut in, stretching his free arm above the bed. He groaned some more. "Although I do feel like I'm paying for it this morning."

Erin let out a giggle. "The sex? Or the ridiculous amount of alcohol you-"

"The alcohol Erin," he teased. "I could go for the other thing all day."

"Yeah, I bet you could," Erin pulled herself up onto an elbow and rested her chin in Jay's chest. "I could so get used to you being here," she smiled.

"Yeah I kinda like it," Jay agreed, shuffling his position so his lips could meet Erin's. His fingers unconsciously tousled themselves into her morning bed-hair. The movement took him temporarily back to last night: the way he'd tangled her curls through his fingers, removing the clips holding hair in place before he'd lost control completely. Temporarily lost his fingertips in her soft locks of hair. His eyes drifted to where she'd been looking: the red material sprawled across the bedroom floor.

"You should wear dresses more often," he said under his breath. "You look good in them."

She blushed, like she seemed to do each time he paid her a compliment. Which was a _lot_ of the time. "You're lucky I even wore one at all. I usually don't-"

"Then I guess I should feel honored," he laughed. "I mean, I've seen you in one twice and damn," he brought her hand to her face, caressing her cheek.

"Oh please," Erin sassed. "You only like to see them so you get to take me out of them later," she teased. "Like the case has been with _both_ times you've seen me in them!"

"What can I say?" Jay sat up properly, his head resting against the wall. "I just can't help myself…" he beckoned her closer with an index finger, only to flip them so she was laying beneath him. "I can't have a beautiful lady standing in front of me and expected to be doing nothing about it," he said.

Erin shielded her face with the palm of one hand, the other resting against Jay's chest. She suppressed a laugh when he moved closer; tracing the softest touch of his lips across her bare skin. The strangest noise escaped from her throat.

"Jay," she almost whimpered. "We should get up-"

He backed away from her, propped up on his elbows. "You're probably right," he agreed. "But we _could_ stay here all day," he balanced on one side and rubbed against his forehead with his free hand. "Maybe you could tend to my poorly head."

"No way," Erin laughed, sitting up and throwing the covers from her half naked body. "Come on you, it's nothing a few painkillers and breakfast can't fix up," she offered.

Jay groaned. "Amazing," he said, lifting himself away so Erin could get out of bed. He moved to the opposite side of the bed, laughing when he noticed a pair of his sweatpants folded neatly next to the dresser. "Hey, I was looking for those, when did you-" he started, before stopping himself. If he was honest, he didn't mind that she had taken to stealing his clothes. At least he had something to cover himself with when he ended up staying over, which was most of the time now.

He watched for a moment as Erin wrapped her dressing robe around herself and followed her through to the kitchen. Jay threw himself down at her dining table, following her movements closely as she opened several of her cupboards.

"Here," Erin turned towards him armed with two white pills. "These do a pretty good job of getting rid of a hangover," she nodded towards the tablets. She perched on the edge of the table, wanting to laugh at him whilst he downed them with water. "You're honestly feeling that bad?" she teased.

"I guess it's what I deserve," he joined in with her laughter, even though it was aimed at him. Once he'd taken the pills, he turned to her. "What's your day like? You don't have work today, do you?" he tried not to sound hopeful, but there was something he wanted to do.

"I don't," she mocked wiping her brow, thanking her lucky stars that she wasn't actually at work. Erin couldn't think of anything worse than having to play the cop role with a headache. "Usually the day after the District ball we grab a bite to eat," she continued. "Although I haven't heard any of those plans yet."

Jay stood up and walked towards the counter. He grabbed the handle of the refrigerator and pulled open the door. He stuck his head inside and reappeared a second later with a packet of bacon. "Sounds good," he grinned, closing the fridge behind him. "Breakfast?"

Erin raised her eyebrows and walked to the counter he was beside, pulling herself up to sit on the benchtop. "If you're offering," she replied, a smirk forming across her face. "What did you have planned?"

"Nothing this morning," Jay shrugged, ripping open the packet of meat and turning on the hob. He checked the time on his watch, still on his wrist from the night before. "Then I have that apartment viewing this afternoon," he said.

Erin nodded. "Yup," she could recall Jay telling her about looking for apartments. Which was good, in her opinion: maybe it was time for him to be out of the army refuge. Surrounded by people like Mark couldn't be the best thing for him, could it? She watched him cooking their breakfast, his eyes flitting between her and the cooker.

Jay bit against his bottom lip. "I was thinking you could come with me," he said quietly, looking at her with a raised eyebrow. "I figured you'd be able to judge a good apartment better than me," he laughed. "I mean, I haven't lived in one for a long time."

Her hand found its way over to his. "Of course I'll come with you," she smiled. "What time is your appointment?"

"One thirty," the smile on Jay's face grew. He forked out a streak of bacon and fed it to her, laughing as she licked her lips.

"Oh perfect," she said between mouthfuls. "That gives us the whole morning. Did you want to go back to your place for some clothes?"

Jay looked down at his appearance. "I guess that would be a good idea," he said. The only clothing he was currently armed with were his tux from last night and the sweats Erin seemed to have stolen. He turned off the gas and let his eyes drift around the kitchen: where did she keep the bread again?

"Next to the microwave," Erin grinned, sensing what he was looking for. She watched as he sauntered over to find something from the bread bin before fixing up their breakfast. "I could get used to you being here to make me breakfast," she wrapped her legs around him as he offered her up a plate.

Her movement caused him to step closer to the workbench, and he quickly dusted off his breakfast so he could finish the conversation.

"You want me here just to cook for you, is that it?" he teased, raising one of his hands to wipe a breadcrumb away from the corner of Erin's mouth.

"Not at all," she leaned into him, wrapped her arms around his neck. "I could get used to you being here, period."

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her from the work top. Jay pulled her face close so she was nuzzled into his chest. "We should get ready," he whispered.

"Yeah you do kinda stink," Erin laughed as she ran to use to the bathroom first.

Jay laughed and rolled his eyes as he followed her to the other side of the apartment.

* * *

Erin had dropped him at the refuge a couple of hours ago, then returned to her apartment to get ready herself. Breakfast had made her feel better, but there was still a tinge of a headache at the sides of her temples. She groaned at the thought of how much alcohol the two of them had consumed last night, and she'd remembered seeing the evidence of it in the kitchen.

 _Well_ she thought to herself _it is the weekend._

Now she was in the car again, her return journey to pick Jay up and head to his real estate appointment. She hummed along quietly to the radio as she drove into the car park.

Jay wandered up to the side of the car and pulled open her passenger seat door. Erin jumped when he shot into the seat beside her.

"Hi," he leaned in quick to kiss her, before she got the chance to greet him back.

Erin melted; he smelled like him again, instead of the stale alcohol smell that had surfaced from them both that morning. The familiar scent f Jay's cologne he usually wore, it was becoming one of her favorites.

She pulled back and smiled at him, trying to focus her attention on the road. It didn't help that Jay had opted for a button-up shirt: had he left a couple of the studs open on purpose? She gulped as the thought crossed her mind of what was underneath.

Erin cleared her throat. "So, where are we going?"

"Just keep driving," Jay replied cryptically. "I'll direct you when we get near."

Erin continued driving, feeling like she was reaching the outskirts of the city. A short while later, she felt Jay's hand reach for the steering wheel and guide her navigation down a side street.

"Almost there, I think," Jay said, his eyes narrowing as h studied the road.

"You think?" Erin had to laugh. "You mean, you don't even know where we're going?"

"Hey, I've seen pictures," he confessed, still with one hand on the wheel of Erin's car. "Okay, I think we're here. You should park up," he pointed to the side of the road.

He was out of the car before her, waiting for her at the side of the road. The street was pretty deserted, she thought as she locked the car behind her and caught up with him on the sidewalk.

"Nice place," she said under her breath, and it was. Though it was quiet, it was still a pretty sight. She could see rows of apartments, areas of green and views of the river.

Plus, it looked high end. Just how much had Jay got saved to pay to live somewhere like this?

Erin got semi-lost in her thoughts as she walked with Jay towards the front of one of the buildings. It was definitely a good thing that Jay was thinking of getting his own apartment, she thought she'd feel much more comfortable driving here instead of where he was living now.

He'd have a place of his own, his independence back…

She broke free from her thoughts by the sound of voices. Jay was standing at the door of an apartment building chatting to a girl dressed in a pant suit. Her hair was clipped away from her face and she held onto a board in front of her.

"You must be Mr Halstead," the girl looked up at him, not making it discreet that she checked him out.

"Jay," he interrupted, holding out a hand. "You're not the person I spoke to on the phone," he laughed.

"No," she joined in with the laughter, balancing her pen through the bun in her hair. "That must have been my partner. He's otherwise engaged, unfortunately. So you're stuck with me. I'm Elizabeth, though Liz, Lizzie, Beth or whatever is fine," she shook his hand, longer than she should have. Then, after what seemed like hours, her attention turned to Erin and a crinkle spread across her brow. "I wasn't aware we'd have company."

Erin opened her mouth to protest- she could be here if she wanted!- but Jay pulled his hand away from Elizabeth's to gesture towards Erin instead.

"Erin's input is important to me," Jay shrugged, glancing over at her. They made eye contact and Erin smiled before she dropped her gaze shyly to the floor. If she wasn't falling for him completely already-

A guy that stood up for her, that's _hot_.

"Yes, well, shall we?" Elizabeth didn't seem to mind that she interrupted their tender moment. She opened the front door of the apartment block and led the two of them inside. "The one you're viewing is on the second floor, right?"

"I thought you were the one supposed to tell me that," Jay laughed, and Erin knew he was being funny so giggled quietly behind her hand.

"Just checking," Elizabeth reached the top of the stairs first and jangled a chain of keys from a pocket. "I don't know if you've been to this side of town before but these apartments sell faster than Girl Scout cookies," she opened the door to allow them inside.

She felt Jay reach for her hand and pull her through into the apartment. Erin noticed the way his eyes practically lit up when he walked into the hallway.

"I like it here already," he whispered into her ear.

Elizabeth led them into the kitchen diner and Erin had to agree with him. She knew it was obvious it was a pretty new building, the inside told her as much. There was barely any furniture so Erin could see it was huge inside.

"…and this is the master bedroom," Elizabeth's voice had gone up a pitch, as she guided them into the biggest room. "The window looks out onto the river," she added. Finally she shut up, watching Jay as he worked his way around the room.

"If you have any questions, I'll be in the hallway," she shrugged, sensing he wasn't listening to her anymore.

"Yeah I have one," Jay spoke up. "Where's the bathroom?" it was a valid question, but he also needed to pee.

"The last door to the left here," Elizabeth offered to escort him, looking prepared to guide him to the other side of the apartment.

"Uh, I'm good," he replied and walked out of the room.

She wanted to laugh at Elizabeth's attempt at flirting, but at the same time didn't want to speak to her. She turned her attention in the other direction.

Erin worked her way around the bedroom, her fingers slowly tracing the slight pattern of the wall before she came to a halt in front of the window. Elizabeth was right about one thing, the river ran the length of the view along with what looked like a park and a few fields. From where she was standing she could see people, playing in the park or wandering the green areas. It _did_ look like a great place to live.

She heard Jay walk back along the hallway towards where she was and he came to a halt in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe and crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Erin turned back towards him. "She's right about the view. It's beautiful," she commented. "This is a thousand times better than those photographs you showed me of the ones you've already seen."

"I know," Jay said slowly. He walked over to where Erin stood and wrapped an arm around her waist, they both stared out of the window. "What do you think?"

"What do _I_ think?" she hadn't realized Jay actually wanted her opinion. "I think it's great."

"Yeah?"

"Absolutely. It's in a great place, the rooms are a good size, there's so much you could do with it and I-" Jay was looking at her with one eyebrow raised. "Why are you looking at me like that, Jay?"

Jay stepped back and Erin turned towards him. "I'd be crazy to let anybody else get this place. But," he chewed his lower lip. "What if I wasn't the only one living here?"

Erin gulped. So he wasn't ready to be living alone yet. "You mean, you're gonna ask Mark to move in with you?" she attempted to hide the hint of disappointment in her voice: so much for their alone time without his roommate.

"Um no Erin," Jay closed the gap between them and pushed one of her lose curls behind her ear. "I didn't mean Mark."

"Then-" Erin looked down at the floor, her eyes darting back up when she felt Jay's hands cup her face.

"Live here with me." Jay kissed her gently, the slightest touch of his lips that just left her wanting more.

"What?" Erin failed to register what he'd said at first, her mind going blank with the touch of his lips.

"Live here," Jay spun them both around again so they were looking out of the window. The sun was central in the skyline, shining over the view in front of them. "With me."

"You can't just come out with that!" she swatted against his upper arm muscle, knowing he probably didn't even feel it. Her cheeks felt hot as he wrapped his arms tighter around her. "What about wanting your own space and getting away from roommates and-"

"Erin," he rubbed his fingers along the hem of her tee. "I know we thought at first this might have been a friendship, you know, I'm glad you offered to be a confidant when we first met. We both know now it's something more. A _lot_ more. And I know it's pretty quick but-"

"I'm in," she surprised, even shocked, herself when the words escaped her throat. She didn't think she'd ever been this spontaneous. But the more she thought about it, the more she wanted it to happen. Hell, he was practically at her place all the time now anyway.

She reached onto her tiptoes and kissed him hard, her hands grabbing both sides of his face.

"Amazing," he said into her mouth. He twined their hands together and moved to walk out of the room back to where Elizabeth was waiting.

"Is everything okay?" Elizabeth looked up from her clipboard, a fake smile plastered on her face. _Didn't they know she had other places to be?_

"How much is this place going for?" Jay questioned.

"Right now, the current offer is $400,000-"

"We're taking it," Jay nodded, looking at Erin as he smiled. "Me and my girlfriend. We're moving in."

 **Please Review!**


End file.
